Kong is king

Last night I finally saw Kong.....no, not Peter Jackson’s Kong......no, not that piece of crap remake from the 70's with Jeff Bridges and Jessica Lange ....not even the Cooper original with Fay Wray . I’m talking about the band Kong
who delivered a small acoustic set at the Roof Top Pub last night. The trio of Jordan, (keys/vocals), Justin, (guitar) & Tristan, (bass/vocals) performed Neil Young’s Sugar Mountain and a Dark Side of the Moon medley. It was the perfect sandwich around the meat of one of their originals Blind Rain.
....Oh, did I mention the bass player is my son?.....Ok I’m biased....so sue me.

Ad sense doesn't make any

Sense that is.....I'd also be hard pressed to show you one red dime from this program either.

I’ve had this little Google item on my Blog for about two months now. Although I don’t expect to make oodles of cash from these advertisements, I would appreciate them putting up something more symbiotic of what I post here.

I mean let’s revue some of what I’ve seen on these pages:

Send you package to Thailand quickly.....Unless they’re talking about my cock and balls why on earth would I want to send anything to Thailand?

Find a date with overweight women.....Why because the svelte ones are temporarily out of stock?

Last minute Christmas gift ideas delivered to your home in time for the holidays......Ok because I have devoted posts to Christmas, this is relevant you say?.....Not in the middle of January it isn’t!

And today's gem (top left): Pest control for mice.....What the fuck is this? How is this pertinent to what I write on this site? I suppose if I post a blog containing diapers for gorillas it will magically appear in an ad tomorrow? Besides I already have pest control for mice....It’s called a FUCKIN’ CAT!

You know, I look at Mitchieville and the Mayor has really cool ads like get your own vampire fangs and last minute vacations in sun and sand.

As I sit here shivering in the Big Smoke’s current blast of Arctic air, I think I might just click on that. I can actually envision myself laying on a beach, smiling through my new vampire fangs.

But it doesn't stop there. Many a blog I have visited have more intriguing fare than what you’ve witnessed here and something needs to be done.

Yes my friends it’s time I went hunting for a new affiliate. Something sexually stunning yet, stunningly sexual. Something to appeal to the beast within us all.

Everyone knows sex sells, and cells make up the body, plus keep dangerous criminals from escaping. It’s what Strangedaze is all about and always will be.

Ads like that would make more sense and cents.

Posting one for the GIGC---ipper

Go Saints! I know. This post is strickly for GIGC. Why? Because I like to make her weep with joy. I also like to make her do other things with Joy....usually while I watch.

No bottom to this Pit

The big news on the weekend wasn't the New Orleans Saints victory over the Eagles. Although, GIGC was as giddy as a school girl.....mainly because she was wearing her school girl outfit....but that’s a different story.

No my friends, the football playoffs were once again relegated to second fiddle by a mighty shadow—The Pit.

In his quest to be the best OBJ has once again shocked the competition by posting a new personal high of 48 wings in 10 minutes.

At first, he went to the Wing Shack in Whitby merely an observer of another semi-final showdown for wing eating. His mission? To stare down those brave enough to consider climbing into the ring with our remorseless wing eating machine at the contest final on Super Bowl Sunday, Feb 4th.

However, the pit felt a tiny pang of hunger growing in his tummy, a yearning, gnawing, seed of discontent in need of satisfaction and sustenance. He decided to enter yet again with the sole purpose of gratifying an empty stomach. After all, it had been nearly 45 minutes since his last meal— a prime rib roast with a cheese cake chaser.

The Pit’s performance was nothing short of spectacular.
His opponents were left to marvel at his technique, be astonished by his capacity to ingest, and checked to see if they still had all their fingers as they walked away with heads hung in defeat.

Is there a man out there with the will to snatch the championship from this man?

I think not!

Feb 4th get out and support your Pit.

cross-posted at Mitchieville

New release this week

As to not offend the lesbian community, I recommend getting Alix Dobkin- Living With Lesbians: featuring the Lesbian Power Authority.

There are some great licks on this album, especially if you like to watch....I mean listen. It's much better than Jimmy, Fred, Cliff and friends- Orgy at the Bareback Carnival, or, Prison Past-time- Swallow Til Ya Puke, I'll tell you that much.

Here's linkin' at you kid

Last week I went for a little stroll through the Blog rolls of several sites. In my haste I skipped perhaps one of the most, informative, vivid, yet excruciatingly facetious and well written sites in the Blog community.

I’m talking of non-other than Scott’s Blog elemenohpee.

I strongly suggest you go there right now. Scott assured me he was going to post something deviously sexual today. If it’s not up, just keep clicking his site until it is. He’ll appreciate the patronage.

Ok Scott, I held up my end of the bargain. Please return my cat and my mother unharmed. I also want my parking space back at the Mitchieville Town Hall.

A day late and 250 million short/ Today's secret word is:

I didn’t post yesterday because I was too upset. Some idiot agreed to pay some other idiot 250 million dollars over five years to kick a ball in some idiot sport that rates even lower than hockey on the radar of most Americans. Or in other words idiot fans of Nascar.

I'm outraged. Although some of you might feel I'm a jealous idiot.

I couldn’t make that much coin over a lifetime, even if I lived to the ripe old age of 782, prostituted myself on weekends for extra cash, and married an aging idiot Texas oil tycoon.

So now, I guess, Mr. And Mrs. Idiot will be moving to L.A. to join a host of other affluent, non-panty wearing idiots.

Good luck imbeciles....(which is just another word for idiot.)

Today’s secret word was: Nascar

5 til the 6th of 24

With just 5 days left before the 6th season premiere of 24, I think it's time we all payed a visit to the Bauer count. Have you ever wanted to know how many people Jack has put out of their misery over the years and how it was done? Or perhaps you want to reacquaint yourself with the faithful departed? Whatever your poison, it's all here.

Including the unfortunate assassination of Ryan Chappelle, season 3, episode 18.

I can hear GIGC weeping from here.

Kobayashi!........God bless you.

Forget the frickin' chicken wings, OBJ's got a long way to go to get to this level.

In case you're still not sick

There's entire third world countries that eat less.

All hail the conquering hero

Forget the football playoffs on the weekend. The Patroits, Eagles, Colts, Seahawks....fuck em all!

The real action was at the Wing Shack in Ajax for the Durham Wing Eating Regional Semi-finals, where a game that real men dare to play was unfolding. One Ball Joe, now known as The Pit, defeated all comers by posting a decisive yet, come-from-behind victory, to advance to the final on Super Bowl Sunday (Feb 4th).

You know what? GIGC likes me to cum-from-behind too sometimes.

OBJ, rated as a massive underdog going into the competition for having only one testicle in his nut sack, still managed to find a little extra gusto from his solitary raisin and slipped by his opponents with ease. He never lost his composure. He always retained his focus. It was a feat which will live on in the pages of sport history along side the accomplishments of Gretzky, Jordan, Montana and the Babe.

It was a movie of the week, a best selling biography, a triumphant feeling of eluding the police after they find you snorting coke off a hooker’s ass.

It was the type of event which left you breathless and with tears welling up in pride for having witnessed its beauty.

Masticating through his last wing— 42 in all in 10 minutes, he left behind a pile of bones reminiscent of the death and destruction at the battle of K’yer Banor and other great one-sided conquests.

After he had crushed the spirits of lesser men to desperation and despair, we took him out for a well deserved victory celebration— all you can eat shrimp at Red Lobster.

Now following a day of rest and a good dump, The Pit, with the assistance of Babosa Miyagi will begin training for perhaps the most important contest of his life.

Good Luck OBJ a.k.a. The Pit.

Wax on. wax off!

Someone cue the theme from Rocky.



They don’t have The Pit's picture up yet, but you can go look at all the wimps that will be his final competition. Just click on photos.

Crossposted on Mitchieville

New release this week

As to not offend those who are handicapped, I recommend you pick up Something Special from Jeff- Featuring "Through it all".

Surf's up

Today I thought I’d take the blog/link process one step further. I thought it would be cool to go to a site, look at the sidebar for the blog buddies, click on a link that interests me, lather, rinse, repeat, until I’ve had enough, run out of links, or I just get sleepy.

Maybe I’ll even leave a few comments like we’re all old buddies?

What better place to get started than Mitchieville, *comment left*, who has more links to blogs than I have hemorrhoids.

On the Mayor’s sidebar, I first had to resist temptation to go to The Limits of Respectability, because it kind-of defeats the purpose. However, I did find some of interest in name alone, Tattered bits of brain and Small dead animals to name a few, but Whimpering Jello won out. *comment left*

This led me to the Church of Joe *comment left* Who begat...Boing boing. Then I found my self Waking up on Planet X. I think I'm lost, but I left my comment anyway.

This got me to Dust my broom, thankfully a place I was familiar with. After some tea and buttered scones Darcey showed me to the Halls of Macadamia which I noticed seemed to be linked quite a lot.

From there I found myself at Boonbloggle, who doesn't blog much and smote Calgary grit, who afflicted Keegan's blog. It's getting very political now.....maybe this was a bad idea? Are there no crass assholes like myself out there?

....Getting sleepy. Must....close....eyes.

Doing it by the numbers

Today's title could have also read, "I'm just a lazy son of a bitch", because it's just a bunch of links for your perusing pleasure.

Top 10 weapons in history.

Top 10 lamest Super Heroes. Better watch out for Matter Eater Lad and Arm Fall Off Boy.

Top 10 most dead people of 2006.

The 5 smallest countries in the world. They didn't include the communist society that live at the base of my anal passage.....ah I'm just kidding.....they don't really live there, they just visit.

Top 10 special effects in movie history.

And the top 10 opening sequences in movie history.

The 100 worst martial arts movie names. You're wondering aren't ya? If "Crouching Dooflingus, Hidden Thing-a-ma-jig" is on the list. Well don't just stand there, get clicking.

The 100 most annoying things about 2006 other than martial arts movie names. You know, I thought "Head On" would have finished higher? "Head On! Apply directly to the forehead! Head On! Apply directly to the forehead!Head On! Apply directly to the forehead!Head On! Apply directly to the forehead!Head On! Apply directly to the forehead!"

Hand to gland combat

A concerned health message from Strangedaze.

I was just tooling around browsing some Blogs when I stopped off at Lind's site to catch up. Besides wondering what it might be like to get a good pole-waxing from her, I was very upset to learn, during the hustle and bustle of the holidays, I missed World Orgasm Day.

But then I got to thinking, for me, everyday is kind of like World Orgasm Day anyway--- in fact, sometimes three and four times an hour.


So why do we need to designate just one day to feel good? Beats me? (oh..that was good.)

World Orgasm Day should be everyday. It's for your own health to pump the python. People would be in a much happier frame of mind if they'd just get out there and play whack a mole regularly. Just think--- no more road rage.

So gents, rub the genie for all it's worth. Ladies open up those meat curtains and expose your fluffy sausage wallet. Get the battery operated eraser out and pretend someone made a mistake on your clitoris. If you like to play Battleship so much. remember you're just one hit away from sinking the man in the boat.

Join me my brethren in this offer. Together we can do this and make World Orgasm Day, everyday.You'll not only thank me, you'll feel better from the experience.


He said his DICK, not his face you idiot!

Warning: World Orgasm Day may not be suitable for everyone. Caution should be taken when asking others to assist you in your pleasure. This offer not in conjunction with current Strangedaze offer of free sphincter bleaching.

Dick in a box

I realize the holidays are kaput but sometimes there's just not enough time to post everything I want to put up. Such is the case with the next YouTube, but this is the last I swear, until next year.

Giving more to aural sects

First let me start by saying, Happy New Year.
At the beginning of each year I usually sit down and write an elaborate mission statement for the coming months, while cracking open last year's statement to see how well I did with all my broken promises.

I guess it’s kind of a new year resolution. However, I won’t bore you with a message so detailed as my usual mission statement. Today I will endeavor to be much more succinct.

It was two years ago today I started to Blog, which would make it, two years ago last night the Mayor told me, "It would be a good idea if I started to blog". Of course he did this with a gun pointed at my head, as he dangled me over a tenth story balcony. But the rest, as they say, is recent history.

Now, in my two years of Blogging, some have said I’m very insensitive to other religions, cultures, and people just plain different from me. That’s not true. I thought the Da Vinci Code was an accurate depiction of Christ.....ya fag!

I mean just because I think Japanese porn is hilarious, the way the women all scream like they're inches away from death while being poked by those little tiny dicks, does that make me insensitive?

But I don’t want to be chastised and treated like Michael Richards and Mel Gibson at an all black Bar mitzvah, so I’m going to try to be more sensitive in my post selections from here on in.--- Try to cater to all sects.

I will go out of my way, In fact, to mend fences with every aspect of all the diverse members of the human race I can think of. And if I leave someone out, please let me know and I will try to include your group at some point....

Ok wait a minute.

That’s much too hard.

I should have more realistic goals don't you think?

Tell you what. I’ll set one day aside to practice what I preach and it can also serve as a confessional for all the other insensitive bile I post here on Strangedaze.

The best place I feel to demonstrate my new found goodwill toward my fellow man/woman is in Saturday's new release section. Here...let me give you an example of what you can expect.

As not to offend those who support pro-choice I recommend: The Best of Birth Control- Believe in the Pill.

You know what? I feel much better now.

Happy Anniversary -part deux, (the spawning)

I would be remiss if I didn’t wish the Mayor of Mitchieville a happy Blogging anniversary for completing his second year and embarking into his third, even though he urinated in my poinsettia and wiped his muddy shoes on the drapes last time he was over. He came to deliver the standard Mayoral Christmas gift: A year long subscription to "Jugs and Giant Asses" and two tickets to the touring show of, "Dancing With the Stars/ The ones who didn't make the cut".

Now, technically, the blessed date is tomorrow, but as GIGC confirmed, I've always been known to blow my load early, so here goes....

The Mayor's a swell, yet demented, guy and is well thought of by many. I don’t who they are, but I assure you, they are many......just kidding ya big lug!

Many happy returns to you and you pony pal Fenris too. It’s been another amazing, side-splitting, year of laughter and memories from the Mayor's office to the manor.

One further note: Sorry they were all out of penis cakes that looked like the number two.



However, after thinking long and hard, --- no pun intended--- I decided it was preferable to the other cake they had.



Now, you too can make erotic baked goods for those special occasions.

Write to me to order your Strangedaze Erotic Penis Cake Pan.



Cost: $19.95 plus $8.00 shipping and handling fee.

Warning: Product does not actually exist, so may not arrive as ordered.

Best release of the year

First, let's hear it for the runners-up.













But here's my vote for best new release of 06.


And if your looking for something new to push out the old, may I suggest this week's new release: Moscow Nights- Popular Russian Hits.

Link in 06

Here are some of my favourite links from the last year.

What would Kevin Federline Do?
In fact, I was just there a few days ago and asked him the best way to go about squeezing every last cent out of my Ex and gaining custody of the kids. I have yet to get a response.

Digging up shit on celebrities.

Their shit may stink just like ours, but it's worth a hell-of-a-lot more.

Family Guy 24 in 24 seconds.

With another season of 24 around the corner, why not reaquaint yourself with this gem?

PG porn.

Haven't you always dreamed of porn you can show your kids?

Tourettes guy.

By far, my favourite link from last year.

YouTube Thursday?

I'm not in the habit of posting the U2bes on Thursday, I know, but last night I was watching the Funniest Ads for 2006. Although mostly amusing, I felt they missed their mark on top selection. In my opinion, this is the Ad that should have been #1. I laughed so hard, one of my testicles shot up into my body and I haven't seen it since.

Post age

Out of all the posts from 06, the Chuck Norris Mondays, the Weekly news and reviews you can’t possibly use, the reports on Pottahawk— I think that’s the entire year right there?— there were a few posts, that for me, stood out above the others.

These two spring to mind. What if GIGC had her own Blog and How I'd improve the Winter Olympics.

However, by far, my favourite was the Death becomes us post that took a fictitious look at the untimely ends of my close friend base if a death pool were involved.

The last picture show

Thankfully, Christmas is gone for another year and we can all look forward to the sweet retail deals in January. We can also find out just how much we were fleeced by buying the same item back in early December.

Although we should be looking forward, the next few posts are all about honouring the past and the year that will soon be history.

I would like to continue a tradition I started last year by presenting favourite moments from my Blog in 06.

Very funny. Don't think I don't hear you out there saying, "Really, I didn't realize there were any?"

I'd like to start with pictures. Although arguably you can make a strong case for any Pottahawk picture like this one.....




My selection for most memorable posted pic would have to go Godzilla Johnny Wad terrorizing Pottahawk.



Honourable mention: Val Kilmer as Bigfoot.

The chronicles of Sarnia

Looks like the Joe Wood household took my post about regifting a little too seriously. However, it seems you'll have to check it out at the source. It's just through the wardrobe and to the left.

Get your Dicken's Cider for Christmas

Ah Christmas morning. What could make this special occasion more memorable? Well....I'd really love a Dicken's Cider.

Why? because it's warm and smooth and make's me feel great. It's tradition. Why, I've had a Dicken's Cider every X-mas since I was about 16.

GIGC loves a Dicken's Cider on Christmas morning too. In fact, of all the people who have experienced it, I don't think there's one who doesn't love to have a Dicken's Cider anytime of the year.

Even my mother loves it, but thankfully she sneaks hers in the middle of the night and I don't have to watch her with a Dicken's Cider.

Sure there are those unfortunate poor souls who are so over excited at the prospect of having a Dicken's Cider that they actually spill it all over the place when they get it. But who can blame them? It's addictive. Once you have it, you want it all the time.

In the past few years my son has started to appreciate a Dicken's Cider and I'm sure he'll be having many more.

So from GIGC and myself I'd like to wish you all the best for the holiday season and hopefully you'll have a Dicken's Cider too.

New releases this Christmas

As to not offend those of the Jewish faith you should pick up "Stan & Doug -Just go nuts at Christmas
Dan Betzer and Louie - Tell the Bible Classics Vol III- Just try and stop me from getting this one, since I already have Volumes I & II

Twas the link before Christmas

I'm not really on the ball today. Last minute shopping and all, but I do have a few links for you.The first is a place you can get Christmas grettings for your Blog. Not too much to tie your dick in bow over, I'll admit. The second is for the last minute shoppers like me. I meant to post it back a few weeks ago with the Hulk tree, but oh-well, It's the least I can do.....actually the least I can do, is post nothing at all, but I'll go you one...or make that two better.

Tis the season to regift now....fa-la-la-la-la....la-la-la-la

Last weekend, I was at a Christmas party where we were told to bring a gender friendly gift, wrap it creatively, and stick it under the tree with no tags.

Later in the evening we were told to choose numbers. Then the task of sequential selection and the ability to steal once from someone else was instituted.

I thought, what a bloody great idea.....I could regift and no one would know it was me. So, if you find yourself in a similar situation where you know your generosity is anonymous, here are twelve rules you should be aware of when dumping the unwanted ghost of Christmas presents.

1- Don’t mention that it’s a regift.

Well...duh!

2- Update the wrapping
3- Don’t give hand-me-downs.
4- Have the courtesy to blow the dust off your gift.
5- Don’t give products from defunct companies.

Ok forget all these rules. First, in a situation as I described above, doing all these things only lessens the hilarity of watching someone’s face twist into a hideous mask of disgust and then force a smile through it to say, thank you for the...uh...lovely gift. But I would suggest you at least remove the initial tags that had your name on it.

6- Do keep track of who gave it to you first.

Good idea. Somewhere down the line, a chance to get even will present itself. Remember the old Klingon saying: Revenge is a regift best served cold.

7- Don't EVER regift these items.

Certain items are a total, dead, instant giveaway that you are not only regifting, but you're too lame to put any effort into it: candles, soap, random books, mysterious CDs, obscure software, cheesy jewelry, scarves, fruitcake, pens, cologne, boxed sets of extinct bath products, videos or DVDs obviously acquired on a street corner, socks and any appliances or electronic gear the giftee would be puzzled to receive because they probably just got rid of it.

Wrong, wrong, wrong, wrong, wrong. Have you heard nothing I’ve said? Hello ANONYMOUS GIFT GIVING! Feel free to give all these items. In fact, I suggest you use what you can first, soap, half-burned candles, dog-eared books, half-eaten fruitcakes, (although that one’s a stretch).

It shows the recipient you took the time and effort to make sure these gifts fulfilled their intended purpose.

8- Don't give partially used gift cards.

Why not? I mean when am I ever going to spend that last $3.49 at Home Depot? I hate to be redundant, but see above.

9- Don't give something you've owned for a while.

Only applies if you’re giving to people who would recognize the picture frame from your living room wall......that reminds me....take out the picture of you and your family before you wrap it.....I won’t make that mistake again.

10- Do regift champagne.

Oh, and in the meantime what do I drink?

11- Do sell your gifts on eBay.

Wrong. First you have to list it. Then you have to wait a week with your hunk of junk until some hillbilly who really wants an 8 track tape of Nat King Cole's A Christmas Memory, (because he thought it was Mammary), decides to part with fifty cents.

Then you have to put the item in a bubble-wrap mailer that costs $1.50, trudge through the snow and mail the fucker for another $8 bucks because the hillbilly wanted insurance on his purchase.

Then eBay takes its cut and after requesting such a small amount be transferred to your account from PayPal, they charge you as well.

At this point I don't think there's any need for sarcasm by saying, oh yeah great idea!

12- Do remember that regifts can be funny.

But it's up to you to follow this advice and make it that way. Here's what I'm giving my Mom this year.

"Don't worry......be happy.....don't worry be happy now..."

Last minute Christmas ideas for that special rug-rat

You know, it's so hard to buy Christmas gifts for kids these days.....let me rephrase that. It’s so hard to buy Christmas gifts for kids these days that don’t have themes of killing, maiming, mutilating, vanity, and just plain selfishness.

But, that’s ok because I’ve found an alternative. That’s right me, Strange. I have the answer.

Let me ask you, what kid doesn’t want to hear his or her name in a song? No kid, that’s who. Here is a site where you can order specialized CD’s, books, what-have-you, all with the name of your child in them. From Adam to Owen, no name is untouchable for these guys. Here just listen to this song with Samantha in it.

Wasn’t that cool....in a creepy sort of way?

It all got me thinking— which is not necessarily a good thing— will they put any name in there? Because why stop at given names. There’s a few nieces and nephews I’d like to get this gift for.

Merry Christmas, Shit-head, Bean-Fart, You Little Fuck, and You’ll Never Amount to Anything. Oh I can't forget the kid from next door. Merry Christmas Your Father is a Drunk and Your Mommy is a Whore.

And Merry Christmas to you all.

Shit-Head Jesus loves you
Shit-Head Jesus loves you
And love, love, love comes a tricklin' down

Just kill me now!

You now have my permission to gouge out your own eyes and shove long metal fondue skewers in your ears.

The best gift is the one you never have to give

How do you do that Strange, you ask yourself?

Well, I’ll tell you.

So, you don’t have a lot of money to burn this Christmas. My friends, I was in the same boat a few years back and I just gave everyone on my list IOU’s for GNR’s Chinese Democracy.

I said as soon as it’s released you’ll get your gift. Eight years later, I’m happy to report this thing is still not out. In fact, Axl Rose just fired his manager and the release date was pushed back yet again.
The bumbling and botching of this album is like Apocalypse Now and Water World rolled into one giant disaster— long overdue and grossly over budget. Even Sly has got Rocky back in the public consciousness sooner. The second coming of Christ might take place before you see this disc on store shelves.

I’m telling you this debacle may never see the light of day. It’s a can’t lose Christmas gift for those who want to avoid emptying the pocket book.

Double the new release pleasure

Christmas is getting closer and you may, not only, be looking to add to your music collection, but also for those you want to keep at arms distance. So, today I want to give you a little variety for your stocking-stuffer plans.

Nothing says, "Get the hell out of my house. You've overstayed you welcome you X-mas freeloader!" like the following two recommendations: Jan Gorisseu's Pettrige Kertsdargen & Eilerts Jul. I mean honsetly, who names their kid Jan or Eilerts? You're just asking for an ass-kicking. It's like naming your kid Plexico, Tiki, or Julius--- Except those guys grew up to be NFL players.....not that they weren't made to cry on the way there.

But enough of my yakin'.....get out and pick these buggers up.

BTW, FYI, "Kertsdargen" is crazy Dutch bastard for "Christmas days". Yet, "De vreemde bedwelming", is crazy Dutch bastard for "Strangedaze". Go figure.

It's a good old fashion linkin'

After yesterday’s post, I understand you might need a little levity to nurse your weeping wounds back to a saltible level. I could simply direct you to What Would Tyler Durden Do and check out his site, but I feel you might need a little more than literary fisticuffs as a pick-me-up.

So, for today only, it’s the return of Chuck Norris Monday--- except on a Friday. Perhaps it will make you feel better after you witness man vs runaway tire.

The Iceman leaveth

First of all, I have no answer as to why the YouTube from YouTube Tuesday looks like a condom in a snowstorm. Just click it. It works.....I think?

But that's not why I'm here today. I'm here to tell you more "blah,blah,blah" about our melting polar ice caps and global warming.

Hey! Don't shoot the messenger. I'm just passing along the projection that by 2040--- or there abouts--- Santa isn't going to have a home. It's all here if you need to take a look. They say shit like:

If greenhouse gases continue to build at their current rate, the study found, the Arctic's ice cover would go through periods of stability followed by abrupt retreat.

One simulation projects that by 2040, only a small amount of perennial ice would remain on the north coasts of Greenland and Canada during the summer months.

So,the rest would look like this.




Merry Christmas darling. Could you turn up the air conditioning and put out Ol' St. Nick's milk and SPF 5000?

Commercials you hate to love

I’m not particularly fond of commercials to begin with, and when you add Christmas to them...well...you might as well pound my scrotal sack with a ball-peen hammer for all the love I’ll show.

However, there was one ad that had me howling in my, Strange-that’s-not-really-funny-but-it-is-in-a-dark-kind-of-way, way.

It was an advertisement for KFC pitching their yule-tide specials. Now, keeping in mind Christmas is the loneliest time of the year for some, you can see why I found the following macabre, yet amusing.

KFC’s regular special is the Festive Family Feast with all kinds of artery clogging goodies and a ginger-bread-man making kit thrown in for good measure. On the tube is a generic family, all hugs and kisses, basking in Christmas's warm, gushing, glistening, glow over a megga bucket of the Colonel's gristled finest.

But, they also touted the Festive Feast For One.

There on the screen was this poor, hapless bastard grinning like it was the best day of his life. He couldn't wait to die a slow death by eleven herbs and spices. Chowing down on his single serving portions, before shoving the barrel of a gun into his mouth, no doubt, and pulling the trigger.

I want to know, does this special include a ginger-bread-making kit for one, with cyanide candy eyes, or a length of rope conveniently tied into a noose? A little electric-chair party-hat perhaps?

Although, I, and other sick fucks like me, might have found the audacity all shits-and-giggles, I can see where the self-destructive-Grinch might not feel the same way having KFC thrust the loving X-mas fist of, "you're a loser", down his throat.

KFC should really check their sensitivity quotient before trying to squeeze every last dime out of an individual who’d rather spike the suicide rate than the egg-nog.

Maintain your target on the rest of us fat-turds slowly dying from morbid obesity than someone who might be flat-lining before they taste the green-slaw.

Anyway, we’re the lazy idiots who readily buy your deep fried rat’s ass— albeit very tasty rat’s ass— as it is.

Because they can

Keeping the pubic private

My dear friends, I will endeavor to help you as the holiday season fast approaches, to find the perfect gift for that someone special in your life. Today, may I suggest the Jenna Jamison Pubic Hair Trimmer. I'm told Jenna pesonally tests each one.

Hmmm, maybe I could trim my nostil hair with this thing?But I digress.

It's a subtle way of saying "Baby, I think you need to endanger the Amazon a touch". I'm sure it comes with all sorts of fun Playdough attachments: stars, moons, green clovers,---or is that Lucky Charms?

She can have fun shaving her Sasquatch into the shape of an arrow and sarcastically state, "Now you know where your tongue goes".

And while you're picking her up such a wonderful gift, why not complement it with some anal bleaching cream? (It's how Michael Jackson gets his skin to look its whitest.) Besides, nothing's worse than a brown-eye that makes your little Ronstadt "blue". Soon you'll one step closer to talking her into ass-to-mouth.

Merry Christmas all.

New release this week:

All right, Christmas is coming, and since it is, I'm not going to bother with what's new on the audio front. I'm just going to give you my recommendation of what you should have in your X-mas musical collection.

For the next four weeks I'm going to advocate collaborations of songs, so overwhelming, so joyful, so--- dare I say it?---Chrismasie, mating cats won't be able to compete with it.

For the Christmas season I recommend: Tiny Tim's Christmas Album

Linkin' Lincoln

Ok, I lied. I'm not really going to link Lincoln, or any president living or dead--- not that I see much of a difference. I am going to link the Mayor over at Mitchieville. Why? Because he has some funny ass Christmas shit going on at the town hall. Like the Ku Klux Santa, a must for anyone who saw the Kramer debacle a few weeks back.

You know, if it wasn't for the Mayor, I don't think I'd ever have the experience of feeling liquid shoot out my nostrils--- Jack Daniels, milk, what-have-you. Today, in fact, I think I shat myself.....just a little....while I was reading some of his posts.

It's green and it's mean

Still having trouble getting into the Christmas vibe even though you've been swamped with advertisments since late October? Well, I'm here my friends. I want to make your yule tide experience complete and pleasurable.

The first thing you need to make the eggnog course through your Scrooge-like inards, is the appropriate tree. May I suggest artificial? And not just any artificial tree but the "Hulk Smashin' Spruce", holiday tree.

It has everything you need, from the official purple Hulk tree-base, to the angry Hulk tree top. I don't suppose you'd be very happy either with a tree sticking out of your ass?

Anyway, it's all here if you want to check out the particulars.

I like mine rare

Yes-sir-ee! Christmas is coming. The spirit of the season is in the air and I'm trying to make a few extra bucks to feed the commercialist machine by selling a thing-or-two on ebay. Maybe, enough so I have a little extra cash for some "Ho, Ho, Ho", action. Although with the prices the girls are charging these days, better make it just one "Ho".

You can imagine my surprise, however, when I was notified by ebay, one of my auctions had been pulled......well, I'll let them explain about why it was delisted.....gentlemen.....

The rights owner, Warner Music Group, notified eBay that this listing violates intellectual property rights. When eBay receives a report of
this type of violation, we remove the listing to comply with the law.

The item in question is a Led Zeppelin (ancient) LP of a live recording in the old L.A. Forum that I tagged with the words "Collectable" & "Rare". Fighting words no doubt?

The following information may help explain the reason for your listing(s) removal:

eBay prohibits unauthorized copies of media (such as software, video games, music, television programs, and photographs). Unauthorized copies include (but are not limited to) backup, pirated, duplicated, or bootlegged copies. It is both illegal and against eBay policy to sell unauthorized copies of copyrighted media.

Just tie me upside down, beat me and use me for chip-dip why don't ya? Punish the 16 year old kid who made the purchase eons ago because he was a fan of the band. I'm sure by selling it now, I'm depriving poor Robert Plant from buying a few rolls of 8-ply toilet paper to wipe his golden, wrinkled ass.

An intellectual property rights owner ( Warner Music Group)has notified eBay that this item is an unauthorized copy of copyrighted material. Unauthorized copies include (but are not limited to) copies that are pirated, duplicated or bootlegged.

It's good to know the Warner Music Group is on the ball to recoup the $100 or so they would have lost by the sale of this item to a ravenous collector. Never mind the millions of torrents being downloaded daily, or the back-shops, in China Towns everywhere, busting with pirated movies and costing them billions. Good job!

We encourage you to contact Warner Music Group directly if you have any questions.

Sure, so they can send someone to my house, or fine me in person. Yeah that's going to happen.

Your eBay fees for this item have been credited to your account.

Great, I get my insertion fee returned. Does anyone know if Ho's will take a dime?

All bidders on this item have been notified of its cancellation.
Yup I can hear them crying from here.

IMPORTANT NOTICE: Repeated violations of this or other eBay policies may result in the suspension of your account.

Really? For the frustration this has caused, is that really such a bad thing?

Thank you in advance for your cooperation.


I'm glad they left me a choice in this matter..... Hey any Zeppelin fans out there? That is.......if WMG doesn't object to this Blog. I'm trying to get enough money together to give the Warner Music Group an enima.

If you're still uncertain about how I feel concerning this debacle, you can listen to yesterday's song on the YouTube post.

learn to speak english

Fa-la-la-la---la-la-la-la

Ever wonder what the top 25 Christmas songs are of all time? Yeah, me neither.

But here they are anyway just in case you want to bore someone with useless knowledge, or you need to fill those painful gaps of silence when the relatives arrive with the re-gifted fruit cake. There's even some incidental facts to chew on as well.

Personally, I wonder why "Merry Christmas ya Little Fucker" didn't make the list. It was written for me by my next door neighbour when I was six. It's quite a good song. I noticed my other choice didn't make it either--- "For Whom the Bell Tolls" by Metallica.

1-The Christmas Song (Chestnuts Roasting on an Open Fire) - Mel Tormé, Robert Wells
2-Santa Claus Is Coming To Town - Fred Coots, Haven Gillespie
3-Have Yourself A Merry Little Christmas - Ralph Blane, Hugh Martin
4-Winter Wonderland - Felix Bernard, Richard B. Smith
5-White Christmas - Irving Berlin
6-Let It Snow! Let It Snow! Let It Snow! - Sammy Cahn, Jule Styne
7-Rudolph The Red Nosed Reindeer - Johnny Marks
8-Jingle Bell Rock - Joseph Carleton Beal, James Ross Boothe
9-I'll Be Home For Christmas - Walter Kent, Kim Gannon, Buck Ram
10-Little Drummer Boy - Katherine K. Davis, Henry V. Onorati, Harry Simeone
11-Sleigh Ride - Leroy Anderson, Mitchell Parish
12-It's The Most Wonderful Time Of The Year - Edward Pola, George Wyle
13-Silver Bells - Jay Livingston, Ray Evans
14-Rockin' Around The Christmas Tree - Johnny Marks
15-Feliz Navidad - José Feliciano
16-Blue Christmas - Billy Hayes, Jay W. Johnson
17-Frosty The Snowman - Steve Nelson, Walter E. Rollins
18-A Holly Jolly Christmas - Johnny Marks
19-I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus - Tommie Connor (PRS)
20-Here Comes Santa Claus (Right Down Santa Claus Lane) - Gene Autry, Oakley Haldeman
21-It's Beginning To Look A Lot Like Christmas - Meredith Willson
22-(There's No Place Like) Home For The Holidays - Bob Allen, Al Stillman
23-Carol Of The Bells - Peter J. Wilhousky, Mykola Leontovich
24-Santa Baby - Joan Ellen Javits, Philip Springer, Tony Springer
25-Wonderful Christmastime – Paul McCartney (PRS) I wonder if he still feels the same way after the Mills debacle?

Some facts about the Top 25 ASCAP Holiday Songs:

Oldest songs:
"Santa Claus Is Coming to Town" and "Winter Wonderland" (both 1934)

Newest Song:
Wonderful Christmastime (1979)

Songs introduced in motion pictures:
"White Christmas" in Holiday Inn (1942)
"Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas" in Meet Me in St. Louis (1944)
"Silver Bells" in The Lemon Drop Kid (1950)

Writer with most Top Holiday Songs:
Johnny Marks with three - "Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer," "Rockin' Around the Christmas Tree," and “A Holly Jolly Christmas”

Most recorded Holiday Song:
"White Christmas" with well over 500 versions in dozens of languages.

"Sleigh Ride" is the only Holiday song written originally as an instrumental piece for a symphony orchestra. The Boston Pops Orchestra gave the first performance in a concert conducted by Arthur Fiedler at Symphony Hall in Boston, May 4, 1948. Mills Music published it that same year. The Boston Pops Orchestra recorded it in June of 1949. Mitchell Parish added lyrics in 1949.

New release this week

Voliminal-Inside the Nine by Slipknot

But I recommend: The Plastic Cow Goes Moooooooog.
It's even pasteurized. You can't beat that.

Linkin' Nebraska

Ok, so you might have noticed I’ve given in to the Ad sense program— hence the tiny ad at the top of the page.

But come on! Am I really to expect a few bucks from these things? For one, who clicks on ads for custom packaging solutions or, shipping freeze dried goods or, chew toys for your boa constrictor? 1 in 50,000 maybe? I don't even have that many hits after two years of blogging.

I might as well be linking Nebraska— nothing to see here except football and corn. Please move along.

I guess, since the related material is supposedly "geared" more to what you Blog, I thought I’d have ads for solving incontinence or, increasing penis size or, finding hot bimbos in Biloxi, Boston, or Beaverton.(That's a funny word! I wrote Boston.)

These are all something people can use.

In fact, when I was checking referrals on my site today, I noticed one of my visitors found me after typing, "Sticky, sperm, plastic pants," into his/her search engine. That's more like it.

Frickin’ hell!

It’s been two days and I already need some new affiliations.

Now if you'll excuse me. I'm going to search, "Sticky, sperm, plastic pants," and see where I rank.

It's all about milk, chips & cookies

With Christmas just a mere 2,160,000 seconds away, there seems to be controversy swirling around the use of unpasteurized, or raw milk. And you should really know the poop before you leave out a glass or two for Ol’ St. Nick.

On one hand, health officials warn of E-coli, and a visit from your favorite relatives Sam and Ella if you pull up a bar stool and get it on tap directly from the cow.

On the other side, farmers complain of loss of taste and nutrients once the pasteurizing process is complete.

Personally, I don’t give a rat’s ass. I don’t drink milk.

*

Tis the season for Debit Card theft. So much so, the banks are getting all Scrooge McDuck on counterfeiter’s by introducing a new electronic chip to cards for 2007. The Debit cards will be much harder to forge and save the industry/ consumers billions in stolen revenue.

Personally, I don’t give a rat’s ass. I seldom use my debit card.

*

It appears some female celebrities alla Brittany, Paris, Lindsay, are in the Christmas spirit. They’ve taken the giving mood one step further with the paparazzi and the adoring public, by wearing short skirts minus the underwear, so all may catch a glimpse of a catcher’s mitt Johnny Bench would be proud of.

Do you know what I’m saying? A little whiff of Tuna Town, the winking pink, some clitoral bubble-gum.

Health officials warn this practice is not only uncouth, but dangerous— not as dangerous as unpasteurized milk mind you, but this is the notorious trio we’re talking about who have ground more sausage than Schneider’s.

Certainly someone like Jennifer Aniston would be ok. Her quiff would conjure up images of kittens and fresh baked cinnamon rolls.

Personally, I don’t give a rat’s ass. I haven’t munched on a decent cookie in some time. But that’s not really my call is it?

Somedays I have nothing better to do

Pam Anderson Roast

Since Pamela's available again and Kid Rock is once again no more, you'll need to know a few things about her if you're serious. Nick Di Paolo is just the guy with the info. My favorite line was "If she had dysentery I'd follow her around with a waffle cone."

Monday morning "Ha"

Today I thought I'd start your week off with a joke, which is not so much a selfless act as it is, I'm just a lazy SOB. It's easier to cut and paste than actually turn on my brain switch.

Man driving down road .
Woman driving up same road .
They pass each other
The woman yells out the window, PIG!
Man yells out window, B I T C H!
Man rounds next curve.
Crashes into a HUGE PIG in middle of road, and dies.
Thought For The Day: If only men would listen...

I would also like to add, if only women would give men more sex, they wouldn't have to go out driving and looking for huge pigs.

New release this week

Incubus- Light Grenades

But I recommend: Mrs. Mills- Knees-up Party

I'll bet you'll have more than a few questions for your grandparents after listening.

I'm headed for the links

I know the last thing you want to do at the end of the week is to link, read and think. But it can be fun, especially if once you link, the reading makes you think, and the thinking makes you read, which in turn makes you link......Am I even making any sense?

That’s it. I’m grabbing the clubs and heading for the links. But, before I go I suggest you head for the links as well. Check out the London Fog to read and think.

A Strange wave

Just a little "Heya" from the old bunker-hacienda-sometimes spa at Strangedaze. I love living here. It's close to the Beer Store, the lake, the Laker Beer. It just doesn't get any better.


See. That’s me there now, taking out the garbage and watching the hot chick from down the street walk by. Look, I'm waving.......Well...look closer.....Still don't see it?


Maybe I should have inserted one of those "you are here" arrows?

Ripper a new one

Jack The Ripper: The First Serial Killer, which aired last night, showed how the composite of the prostitute killer was created by a Metropolitan Police analyst using 118-year-old witness statements.

Wow! Where did they find people so old?









Pictured above, the notorious Victorian serial killer Jack the Ripper was a stocky 30 year old with a moustache, receding hairline and bushy eyebrows, according to a composite drawing created for a British documentary.


Or in other words. Jack the Ripper was really Freddie Mercury.


"It's a popular misconception that nobody ever saw the murderer, that he just vanished into the fog of London," former Metropolitan Police commander John Grieve said in a statement.

No doubt after an encore of Bohemian Rhapsody and We Will Rock You.....sing it! We will, we will rock you......(sorry, got carried away there).

"Well that's just not right. There were witnesses at the time who were highly thought of by the police."

I bet I would have made a reliable witness, because strangly enough, OBJ looks very much like the composite sketch of the killer. Although his M.O. only fits if you think of the Ripper as synonyous with flatulence.

One Ball Joe the Ripper

Kramer

It's like driving by an accident. You just have to look.

I stand corrected

Ok, last October when the news came down that Daniel Craig would be the new Bond, I was less than kind in my post Blonde Bondshell. In fact, I might have said, Craig would not only be the worst Bond ever, but you couldn't make soup from his testicles.....or did I only think it?

I had only seen Daniel Craig play villains in other movies like Road to Perdition, and could not perceive he would make a good 007. My mistake.

Although Casino Royale was kicked from obtaining first place by Happy Feet--- yet another penguin movie--- it still finished in the 40 mil range at the box office and everyone, including myself, have been jumping on the, much crowded, Bond-wagon.

I guess I'm just used to my Bonds having a slurred Scottish accent, and beating women up in their private life.

Once again, I was wrong.

New release this week

Snoop Dogg- Tha Blue Carpet Treatment.

But I recommend- El Dipsy Doodle

There's a reason why they put a fence up at the Mexican border ya know.

I'd rather link sausage

....But I'll go you one better and link The Drunken Stepfather. This is a site the Mayor turned me onto when he had me over for tea and scones sometime ago. You should check it out. He links way more sausage than I do. And you might find after visiting, you'll link sausage more often too.

Ok if you haven't registered the sausage metaphor by now, there's no hope for you.

Did you do your homework?

Do you know what this is? Well, do ya? Did you even read yesterday's post?

This is an aerial view of a portion of the Texas/ Mexican border brought to you by Google Earth.

Can you see anyone running?

Neither did I, but I think I saw a few cacti move.

Run for the border

Ok...well at least watch.

Now you can keep vigil for the United States Government by signing up here and viewing hours upon hours of desert, fence, and cacti....oh and perhaps the odd Sanchez making a run for the land of opportunity to pick lettuce for $1.50 an hour. It's all accessible on line.

I don’t know if I’d sit and watch something like this as if it were a Hollywood blockbuster or the camera in the apartment lobby. I imagine there are some out there who would. Patriotic Americans sharpening their knives and loading their automatics as I speak.

Perhaps if the U.S. of A. Is serious about this and want everyone watching in prime-time, then they should offer an incentive program. I don’t know.......maybe for every immigrant you catch you get air-miles, or a dollar off tainted Hershey chocolate/ spinach/......insert favorite E-coli digestible product here______.

Hey, I'm just trying to think outside the bun.

YouTube Tuesdays

As mentioned, I’d like to start posting a few regular features the avid reader of Blogs can count on. And when I make a promise, I keep it...at least until I’m sick of making promises I can’t keep.

With winter coming, I thought this next post might be appropriate to warn you of the danger, soon to be lurking around every corner, when the mercury has dropped, the wind begins to howl, and the pedophile has begun his long hibernation.

Enjoy.....or don’t.

SNOWMEN HUNTERS Ep 01: Sherman's Madness

Digitally trimming the fat

So I’m back, and yes, I had a wonderful mini vacation. It was more fun than getting a new job and a phone number no one knows. However, the first thing I see when I return and sit down at the computer console is a story for a new digital camera. It films you as you are, but then subtracts weight so you look nice and trim to others.

Kind of like setting phasers to stunning.

Just think of the possibilities. You can now get rid of those grad photos of yourself on the dating websites and replace them with the new updated slim, fit, irresistible you.

Yes! Let’s all unleash our inner Nicole Richie and worry about plopping our true Orca selves down in front of that someone special later. We’ll cross that bridge when we come to it.


Tomorrow: digital cameras that make your baby’s head look bigger.

Weeds Masturbation Etiquette

In keeping with yesterday's theme.

Woman of the Glamazon

One thing I have endeavored to do, now I have more time at my disposal, is to get out amongst my own kind and read the odd Blog or two.

I also feel you should know about some of the more worthy Blogs as well. Thrust them into the cold hard spotlight, as it were, naked to the world.

For this reason you should check out Linds.

You know the statement "cuter than a bugs ear"? That’s for Linds and I know many a man and a few women too, who would crawl across a room of razors just to drink a pound of her piss.

So check her out.

Trigger (un)happy

Ok, now I’m pissed off!

As some of you may be aware, I write a little on the side. Every now and then, I’ll slip in a link to one of my completed novels. Link to one of my completed novels.

My newest, is a work in progress that has held my attention, on and off, for the past four years. But now, as I gather a little steam and begin to roll the bolder ever upward toward the precipice, I find others also lay claim to it.

After Googling my proposed title, "Johnny Trigger", I found he is the name of a central character in a movie slated for release in 2007 called Wages of Sin. A movie where everyone kicks ass "Jet Lee" style. Apparently, he’s also a software game and an actor from the late sixties too. So what am I to do?

After scrapping all my previous titles "Johnny on the spot", "Johnny cum lately", "Here’s Johnny not so much", "Johnny Johnny where’s my Johnny", I finally settled on "Johnny Trigger" and I'm totally spent on ideas. You can see why I'm upset.

This also happened after the completion of my first novel, "Centre of the Universe", when a TV show pilot of the same name was introduced. But because it starred John Goodman I was never worried.

I can only hope they cast John Goodman as Johnny Trigger.
However, I don't feel I'll be as fortunate this time.

It's not like I expected that Geller Prize thingy for writting but since my literary hopes have been ground into a fine pulp for the moment, you can leave an appropriate alternate title in the comment section if you wish. Perhaps lay claim to a book that will probably never be published anyway. After all, the last time I looked, I wasn’t Dan Brown, or Stephen King, or Stephen Brown for that matter. So long Johnny.

K. Fed up to here

So, as everyone in the non-terrorist world knows by now, Brittany has decided to finally bring the axe down on her relationship with K. Fed after two kids and miles of bullshit from the would-be rap king.

But let’s look at this without the animosity, and the boo-hoos, and the, "all your crap is on the front lawn", littered with expletives.

I’m going to say something now I thought, never in a million years, I would.

I'm going to say........Federline is one smart son of a bitch. In fact, not since John Mark Karr, the guy who claimed he killed JonBenet Ramsey, then walked away free as a pair of double D's in a porno, has there been someone more brilliant.

In Federline's case, he'll get more than a first-class flight and 15 minutes of media attention. Palimony, my brothers. That's what it's all about. Try to catch a whiff of the aroma. Smells sweet, don't it?

What guy wouldn’t want to live the rest of his life supported by a rich sugar-momma. And after two kids and a sullied career, it’s an uphill climb for Brittany.

So kudos to Kevin. The smartest man on the planet....oh until 4:17 this afternoon when he does something completely stupid.

New release this week

Wow! Today certainly was a goldmine of nonsense wasn’t it? 4 extra posts.

As always, there is a method to the daily verbal excrement. I’ll be heading to the Mayor’s hidden retreat with GIGC for some VIP R&R on the DL, and to plot campaign strategies for the coming months. See you Monday.

But before I go, I can’t disregard my weekly duties.

New this week: Kevin Federline- Playing With Fire

How appropriate.

But I recommend Chicken Coupe de Ville.

And yes, Brittany already has his number.

Don't beat your meat, send it back

At first I thought someone had been whizzing into the containers again. Then I heard, the would-be urinaters have raised the bar. Putting away their love muscle and opting for syringes which were found on the premises at a Maple Leaf processing plant in Kitchener.

Kind of gives new meaning to the term, "I poked that shaved ham with my beef syringe", doesn't it?

To err on the side of caution, a recall has been implemented. Go here to find out if the ham you slam qualifies.

What's next? I suppose someone will drive the Ol' skin bus into Tuna Town and they'll be recalling fish.

Dolphin does have a leg to stand on

When I heard this story, I don't mind telling you I was a little creeped out by it. Not since the "help me, help me!" ending of the original Fly have I been so affected. A dolphin with the remains of legs? Now that's just fucked up.

First they beat the Bears in Chicago, now this. The whole world's gone mad I tells ya. MAD!

Say, although we still have the Monday game to go, I didn't do too badly picking the games this weekend like a woman who knows nothing about football. I mean how many of you picked Miami and San Fran to win? But I digress.

Anyway the story's here if you care to read it. Sorry, I'm still waiting for the chocolate.

Realtime review of Saw III

0:05:21 Ugh! God that looks like it hurts.
0:10:41 Ok if it’s true what he said, I can’t say she didn’t deserve it.
0:18:07 Watch out behind you! Wow what a frickin’ idiot.
0:27:51 Nice tie-in to the previous movies. Cause if you haven’t seen them now you have to spend more money.
0:36:18 No don’t help the bitch. Run!
0:36:54 Ouch. Suddenly my nuts are tingling.
0:37:06 Strangely enough I’m hungry.
0:47:42 *munch, munch* What did I miss? Don’t tell me to shush you fuck!
0:51:19 Now that hurts.
0:57:30 Didn’t see that coming.
1:10:24 Now I have a headache.
1:13:43 Oooh! Is that a bone I heard breaking? GIGC won’t be able to watch this.
1:27:06 Ok so he was testing her, but she failed, causing the other girl to die, so he’d get involved and make the wrong choice and kill him which would in turn end her life, making it ultimately his fault— or maybe was it her fault? After all she didn’t pass the test.— but the other guy saw this all coming and set the whole thing up for Saw IV. He saw it coming. Is that where they get the title from? Oh I’m so confused.....or am I?
1: 32:45 No way! She was in the movie? I didn’t even recognize her. Was she one of the dead chicks?

Losing news and reviews you can't possibly use

You may have noticed— or then again, maybe you haven’t cause you're blind, or dead, or just lost a toe in the blender, or you have more important things to do than listen to a madman rant— I have been blogging more frequently.

Seems I have more time on my hands of late. So, I’m going to shoot for a once a day Blog, or comparable to one third of my daily masturbatory schedule, until further notice.

Days when I’m feeling lethargic you’ll know because I’ll just post some mindless link. However, it is my intention to form some thematic presentations that will create some regular patronage like, "Holy Christ it’s pictures of Chuck Norris eating chocolate off a different animals asshole Mondays over at Strangedaze. I can’t miss that. *click*

For the diehards who find change awkward, even fear it like clowns, or midgets wearing diapers, I will endeavor to at least post the newly released albums and my alternate recommendations for your listening pleasure. Thus maintaining the weekend stapple you have come to expect.

New release this week: Foo Fighters are fighting the foo once again with Skin And Bones.








But I recommend The Handsome Beasts- Beastiality

















I know, I know.....that's not Chuck Norris and you're asking yourself, "where's the chocolate?"

I said, wait til Monday!

Do you want to win some money?

A few weeks back I lamented GIGC’s near miss on the football pool. It robbed us of an easy $80 bucks or so mainly because their were a billion winners and the pie was cut too thin. However, just the other week there was only one winner and the estimated prize was somewhere in the vicinity of $400,000.00 smackers.

To make matters worse, it was won by a woman who knew nothing about the sport. She hadn’t even heard of football until 2 weeks prior for Christ’s sake. She slaps down some dopey picks that no one in their right mind would make and....presto! Wins megga.

This week I have decided to follow her lead. Forget I know anything about the NFL and make my predictions based on sheer stupidity so that you and I, my brothers and sisters, may share in the financial bounty.

KC vs St. Louis

St. Louis’ uniforms are much more fashionable and stylish.
Take St. Louis.

Cincinnati vs Baltimore

I’m told the Ravens take their moniker from Edgar Allen Poe. The Bengals on the other hand, I’ve never heard of a literate tiger, have you? Baltimore

Houston vs New York Giants

New Yorkers have had such a tough time of it, haven’t they? God, I feel so sorry for them. While in Texas everything is so big. They think they have it all. You know what? Time to put those Texans in their place. New York

Titans vs Jaguars

All I know is, a Titan reminds me of a silly movie done with claymation monsters, where as a Jaguar is a car rich bastards own.....Oh I wish I was a rich bastard..........any hoo, you don’t get a Jaguar unless you’re successful so, Jacksonville

Dallas vs Washington

Cowboys and Indians never excited me, but maybe the Indians should win one for a change? There’s no place for stereotypes in this world......Maybe you should disregard the "rich bastard" comment from my last pick? Redskins

Green Bay vs Buffalo

I'm told quar-ter-back--- is that how you say it?--- Brett Farve has had such a tough time in his personal life over the past few years. Does he live in N.Y.? That aside, if I were on a desert island like in Survivor Cook Islands- oh that Ozzie is such a hunk- I’d certainly eat cheese before I’d touch Buffalo. Green Bay

New Orleans vs Tampa Bay

Tampa- Sunshine, palm trees, little boozie drinks with pink umbrellas..... New Orleans broken levees, devastation.....oh those poor people.... Tampa should let them have the little misshaped, brown ball all game, in my opinion, after what they’ve been through. New Orleans

Atlanta vs Detroit

Jiminey Crickets! This is a hard game to call. It comes down to Michael Vick’s ass. Man what a nice ass. Ok definitely Atlanta.

Miami vs Chicago

I have never been swimming with a bear, (can they even swim?), but I have with a dolphin and they are so cute and gentle. Miami

Minnesota vs San Francisco

At this time of the year who wants Minnesota anything? San Francisco is more scenic what with the market and the bridge and the trolly cars and the hills and all the colorfully dressed men. 49ers

Cleveland vs San Diego

Brown is such a drab color unless you have the right shoes and purse to match, but San Diego’s logo reminds me too much of Buffalo’s hockey team and that disgusting Donald Trump hairpiece they have on their jerseys now. I'll bet Donald Trump has a Jaguar. Cleveland

Denver vs Pittsburgh

OK Pittsburgh I’m told you won it all last year. Now it’s time to play nice and share with your friends. Let others win. Besides, their coach looks so mean. Does he ever smile? Denver

Colts vs New England

Isn’t Tom Brady just dreamy? And he had a TV show named after him. I never heard of the Manning Bunch? New England

Monday- Oakland at Seattle

Flip a coin. Too much else to watch on Monday night like Deal or no Deal at 8:00 PM, The New Adventures of Old Christine, Friends reruns and.....Oh! and Dr. Phil!

*flip* Oakland

Mel does it for Love

Courtney Love says she has been clean and sober for months, thanks to Mel Gibson. Apparently, Mad Max broke in when she was using. He supervised an intervention and got Courtney into rehab. Love states now, she "no longer has the desire to do drugs".

However, I'll bet her feelings toward Jews has been tainted somewhat.

Happy natal day

Welcome to the first day of the rest of your.......November. I'd like to take the opportunity to wish the Mayor of Mitchieville many happy returns.

I can't tell you how old he is mainly because you would be shocked by the way he so youthfully maintains his girlish figure, but let's just say, he's old enough to RENT his own damn car! And young enough, that he still gets a full election every four years.

Peace out my brother.