Commercials you hate to love

I’m not particularly fond of commercials to begin with, and when you add Christmas to them...well...you might as well pound my scrotal sack with a ball-peen hammer for all the love I’ll show.

However, there was one ad that had me howling in my, Strange-that’s-not-really-funny-but-it-is-in-a-dark-kind-of-way, way.

It was an advertisement for KFC pitching their yule-tide specials. Now, keeping in mind Christmas is the loneliest time of the year for some, you can see why I found the following macabre, yet amusing.

KFC’s regular special is the Festive Family Feast with all kinds of artery clogging goodies and a ginger-bread-man making kit thrown in for good measure. On the tube is a generic family, all hugs and kisses, basking in Christmas's warm, gushing, glistening, glow over a megga bucket of the Colonel's gristled finest.

But, they also touted the Festive Feast For One.

There on the screen was this poor, hapless bastard grinning like it was the best day of his life. He couldn't wait to die a slow death by eleven herbs and spices. Chowing down on his single serving portions, before shoving the barrel of a gun into his mouth, no doubt, and pulling the trigger.

I want to know, does this special include a ginger-bread-making kit for one, with cyanide candy eyes, or a length of rope conveniently tied into a noose? A little electric-chair party-hat perhaps?

Although, I, and other sick fucks like me, might have found the audacity all shits-and-giggles, I can see where the self-destructive-Grinch might not feel the same way having KFC thrust the loving X-mas fist of, "you're a loser", down his throat.

KFC should really check their sensitivity quotient before trying to squeeze every last dime out of an individual who’d rather spike the suicide rate than the egg-nog.

Maintain your target on the rest of us fat-turds slowly dying from morbid obesity than someone who might be flat-lining before they taste the green-slaw.

Anyway, we’re the lazy idiots who readily buy your deep fried rat’s ass— albeit very tasty rat’s ass— as it is.