Sunday, May 31, 2009

More B.J. tips for don't spit-swallow

When my man stopped eating all red meat, his cum no longer had that overpowering nasty taste or smell. - Bonny, Oregon

Tip to make it taste sweet: Have the man eat a teaspoon of cinnamon every day. On top of helping the semen taste sweeter, it will lower his cholesterol and also help lower his blood sugar. - Anonymous, Orlando

I think my guy felt a little guilty that I was always swallowing for him, yet he was always incredibly thankful. The second time I did it, he had a piece of gum on hand, which was nice, and even though I usually try and deep throat it, he's had a stick for me after I'm done every time. He usually has gum anyhow, but it's still nice that he thinks of me. - Bev, Akron

Lemon juice to go along with the semen. That's what my woman does. - Anonymous, Louisiana

Just deep throat him and when he comes, it shoots right down your throat. This way you don't taste it or feels its consistency. - Anonymous, Cincinnati

My wife says gulp quickly, don't hold it your mouth. Swallow it all because it gets stringy in the teeth. - Anonymous, U. K.

Try swallowing it together. After he squirts his load into her mouth, they can kiss a long passionate kiss, slowly consuming the juice together. Even more satisfying and exciting is for her to keep it in her mouth while he goes down on her until his mouth is fill of her juice, then they can kiss and mix their juices together as they slowly swallow, making a special sauce like no other. Enjoy :-)~ - Tom, USA

Tips: Play with it for a long while before you actually start the hardcore blowjob, then have him tell you when he's really close, and backoff, do it a few times and by the time you bring him to cum its just a quick 5-10 seconds tops of letting it all pool into your mouth, swallow it and clean anything off by sucking for a few more seconds... makes it all very fun for him. - Nicki, Michigan

Eat a big bag of pear drops - Mark, Manchester, England

Alcohol and fruit combined for the best tasting cum - Lexi, Seattle

Friday, May 29, 2009

Spelling Bee or not to bee

With the spelling bee in full swing this week I thought it might be funny to look in and see how the kids are doing.

Wednesday, May 27, 2009

More B.J. tips for don't spit-swallow

I try and work up a nice wet mouth with plenty of saliva saved up. Then when he cums, I slurp and swish and really bob my head mixing the jizz and saliva. This also seems to help generate more saliva, which helps thin out the jizz. Guys also seem to really enjoy the "power sucking" right after they cum. Then with one big gulp, I take it down. Sometimes I then pull off him and lick his thighs, belly, whatever. This helps to clean the tongue if needed. - Debbi, Ohio

As a man who loves to be sucked (completely), I had to taste my own cum to analyze why girls don't like swallowing. I think the bleach smell is the great concern and I think it is caused by red meat consumption. After I stopped eating red meat for a week, the bleach smell disappeared (even though I was eating cheese). - Rick, Brazil

Buy wheat grass supplement. Your girlfriend will thank me! - Chris, Tucson

Open up an Equal packet and keep it close by so that when you see your guy's precum, you can put the contents of the packet in your mouth. Then pump as much cum as you can into your mouth and swallow. Satisfaction guaranteed! - Anonymous, U. S.

I have found that no matter how large the cock is, it is all a matter of mind over matter as far as gagging is concerned. With enough practice you will begin to know where your personal threshold is and when the penis is just too deep! I don't think it is a good idea to deep throat the whole time, or a vast majority of the time you are giving head, but when he is ready to cum you should go down deep, let it shoot straight down your throat (this way you won't taste it), and suck him dry. I find sucking him dry helps to also get whatever is left in your mouth down also. - Gen, Louisiana

I find if you don't like to swallow at first, making sure not to breathe through your nose while swallowing helps the gag reflex. Just close your eyes and get it down in all one gulp. After a while it should "cum" easier. - Anonymous,

Drinking a lot of orange juice does a lot for a sweet semen taste - Rudy, U. S.

One time shortly after Halloween, I had a whole chocolate bar, and later that day my girlfriend gave me head and she said it tasted like chocolate, but bad chocolate. So my tip is to not eat a lot of chocolate. - Anonymous, Phoenix

Make sure he eats fruit. It helps a lot. Also, if you just keep the head near the back of your throat, and just keep swallowing your spit, you may not even notice when he cums. - Anonymous, Las Vegas

Many women find it hard to swallow cum due to the forceful way it shoots down their throats, sometimes causing a gag reflex due to the high velocity and amount of the initial blast. Here's a tip. Pull the penis slightly out of your mouth and touch your tongue to the top of your mouth, blocking the hot/fast injection of semen from hitting the back of your throat. Proceed to swallow once your mouth is full or he stops shooting. - Anthony, California

Then and now #5

The Shining:

10-Year-Old You Says: I didn't understand this movie at all. I got kind of bored in the middle and started playing with my He-Men.

24-Year-Old You Says: Dude. Seriously, this is the scariest movie you will ever see in your life. I am not joking, dude. I almost shit myself when that little kid started screaming "Redrum!" at his mom. And then you see that he's yelling "murder." Shit man, it still gives me shivers. And those little dead twins covered in blood? God. Sooooo freaky. HOLY SHIT! I almost forgot about the super old nasty-ass naked lady in the bathtub. Could you imagine seeing that shit?!?! You would fuckin' die, dude. You would seriously fucking die. I heard about this one kid who watched this on mushrooms and he had to go to the hospital and he didn't talk for like a month straight. Totally insane. This movie will freak you the fuck out.

Monday, May 25, 2009

Then and now #4

Nightmare on Elm Street:

10-Year-Old You Says: Freddy Krueger used to kill children so all the parents in the town burned his house down. Then Freddy came back in their kid's dreams and would kill them using this cool knife glove. He kills them in their sleep, but they die in real life. And their parents don't believe that Freddy's killing them cause they think they're just nightmares. Then the girl sets her alarm so she'll wake up right as she's fighting Freddy and bring him into the real world so her cop dad can arrest Freddy and send him to jail. But instead she has to kill him with all these traps she set for him in her house, but Freddy kills her mom anyway before he dies.

24-Year-Old You Says: Dude! Johnny Depp totally got his ass handed to him this movie! That was, by far, the best part. My gf has this super huge crush on him, so it was awesome to see him get sucked into that bed and turned into that spout of blood. When I saw that I went up to her and was all, "Where's your boyfriend now, huh? You still think he's hot when he's all blood and shit coming out of that bed?" She just told me to shut up and didn't give me any nookie that night. That sucked, but it was still worth seeing that pretty boy get what was coming to him. My one problem with this movie, though, is why does Freddy talk all the time? He's trying to be some kind of corny-ass joke-telling comedian instead of slicing the shit out of dudes like Johnny Depp. If he would've shut the hell up for two seconds he could've killed the shit out of Depp 10 minutes into this flick. I think that Robert Englund guy still goes around to conventions dressed as Freddy. That's so sad. Get a life, dude.

Sunday, May 24, 2009

More B.J. tips for don't spit-swallow

Right before your guy gives you his load, take one opened Equal packet and dump it into your mouth. Then you will have a tasty sperm swallow. - Das, New England

Practice in the shower. Then, if you have to spit some, it is easy to clean up. When you feel no pressure to swallow, swallowing is easier. - Dawn, U. S.

I have learned that sometimes it is easier to swallow cum like you are taking a shot of liquor. - C., Virginia

First timers should drink ice water first. It kills some of that taste! - Silky, Norway

Cola and/or Pepsi have proven to be very efficient when it comes to masking the taste. Give your girl a can of this beverage right after you've shot your load inside her mouth. Then she drinks the Cola/Pepsi and the semen will go with the flow. - S., U. S.

My tip is to just swallow in one big gulp, no taste. - Lori, New Orleans

Deep throating is great, but it can go up your nose - backwards. Make sure his dick isn't aiming at your Eustachian tubes, if you can. - Anonymous, U. K.

Do not try to stop breathing, like how you hold your nose to avoid a bad taste. If you stop breathing, it is harder to just swallow, and gagging happens and it gets all in your mouth. Also, boys, try to eat more fruit - strawberries and pineapples work best. - Caroline, Ohio

Suck his cock back as far as you can. That way when he blows it, you won't taste it at all and practically won't even know he came. - B., British Columbia

Just don't think about it. Imagine it as a good beverage, like tea, or some juice. - Anonymous, Oklahoma - Give him some pineapple juice to drink. It cuts the saltiness. - Terri, U. S.

Saturday, May 23, 2009

Then and now #3


10-Year-Old You Says: My friend Billy has that scary Scream mask and sometimes when I sleep over he turns off the lights and we take turns putting it on and scaring each other. He even puts on a black banket just like the guy in the movie and runs down his hallway. One time we got in trouble cause I actually thought he was the killer and I started crying and his mom got mad and made us stop and I had to go home.

24-Year-Old-You Says: To be honest, man, I was so wasted when I saw this that I really don't remember anything about it. Did Drew Barrymore get stabbed in the boob or something? I should see this again. My bad. I went as that Scream dude one Halloween. I had no costume, so I just bought that mask and went to this party where I totally hooked up with this chick. She was dressed as a naughty nurse...or a naughty cop...shit. She was a naughty something and she was totally hot, dude. It was an awesome party.

Thursday, May 21, 2009

Then and now #2

This is the second instalment of a look at classic horror films reviewed by the 10 year-old you and the 24 year-old you.

Friday the 13th 3D:

10-Year-Old You Says: Jason is THE most biggest killer ever. He totally doesn't care who he kills cause he goes around with a machete getting revenge for his mom. She got killed in the first one cause she thought he was killed by a camper. But he came back and now he just kills everyone. This is the first one where Jason gets his hockey mask cause he stole it from a fat kid he killed who was trying to scare everyone. But then Jason totally killed him. Then he shot a spear in this girl's eye and at the end his mask comes off and his face is totally gross cause he'd been underwater and had gotten killed before. I asked my mom to leave the hall light on after I watched this one.

24-Year-Old You Says: This movie was supposed to be in 3-D, but I guess their 3-D machines totally sucked back in the 80s cause shit just looks blurry when something is supposed to be coming out of the screen. Lame. And there were almost zero titties in this one. And there was a shower scene! What the hell? I mean, it's already rated R. Might as well toss in a few tatas here and there. Na'mean, bro? Although this one part was pretty awesome when this guy is walking on his hands and then he looks up and Jason takes an axe to his crotch and cuts him in half. I'm totally going to do that to my boss, Duane. I effin' hate that guy.

Wednesday, May 20, 2009

Amazing yard sale finds

Weird sign Cost: $1.50

Not sure where I'm going to put this....probably the bathroom just to keep guests wondering when they use the facilities.

GILF Blow-up Doll: Cost: $2.10

Have to admit my curiosity got the better of me on this purchase. Hope there's no holes....well you know...other than the obvious ones.

Poopy Time Fun Shapes: Cost $1.50

You'd think I'd be giving this away as a gag gift, but I kind of want to keep it for myself. Plus this could double as a cookie dough shape maker for the next Oscar Party.

Tuesday, May 19, 2009

Then and now #1

With the Summer movie season well under way with blockbuster releases I thought it might be fun to look back at some classic horror movies from our younger days and see how they stand up over the course of time.

So here is the first in a series of movies reviewed by the 10 year-old you and the 24 year-old you.


10-Year-Old You Says: This movie was so scary I had to ask my dad to look in my closet and under my bed after I watched it. It's about this guy who kills his sister and then goes crazy and they have to take him to a crazy house cause he's bad. But he gets out and follows this girl while he's wearing a mask and there is scary music playing. And then in this one part, this guy is in the kitchen and he's wearing glasses and then the bad kid, who's grown up now and killing everyone, grabs his neck and takes a knife and stabs him in his chest and sticks him to the wall. And he's just stuck there in the air with the knife in him.

24-Year-Old You Says: Man, this movie totally sucked. It took forever for anything to happen cause it was nothing but this dude standing far away in a mask for the first hour and twenty minutes. Like that's supposed to scare me. On the upside, there were some titties in the very beginning when that little dude slashes up his sister, but, like, the titties were getting stabbed, so they were kind of weird. Then there were some titties, like, an hour later, but by then I was totally snoozing. I also heard that Jamie Lee Curtis was born with a dong. That shit's crazy, man! They shoulda totally showed that dude in the mask stabbing her dong. That would've been awesome.

Monday, May 18, 2009

More BJ tips

Don't forget to ejaculate regularly, to make sure the taste stays fresh. Just like with food, the longer your semen stays in there, the less fresh the taste will be. Just try eating 4-day-old donuts and you'll see what I mean! - Lazzo, Holland

When you know he's about to come, I find its best to direct it into the side of your mouth and then swallow it in one big gulp. That way you don't choke on it and you can hardly taste it. - S., Lancaster

You never know what a guy will taste like, so every time I give a blow job, I tell the guy if he wants me to swallow, to put his hand over my mouth after he cums and make me swallow it. No matter how bad it tastes, even if he cums a lot, I always swallow doing it this way. I may feel like barfing, but the feeling passes when a man's strong hand covers my mouth and his other rubs the front of my neck and forces me to swallow his cum. - Brad, California

I personally really enjoy the flavor of my bloke's load...but not after 4 shags in a short space of time, as it gets a bit too salty. If you make sure the first time he cums is when you're giving him head, the better it'll taste. Otherwise, just keep some water nearby. The salt's always good for a sore throat, though! - B., Essex

Hold your breath as you swallow. I learned this because of my parents forcing me to eat ethnic foods that were disgusting. I would hold my breath as I swallowed and I would not taste a thing. Having something handy to wash the cum down is a good idea as well. This has worked for me every time. - Anonymous, L. A.

I am a girl who love, love, loves the taste of my boyfriend's cum! The three best tips I can offer: (1) The flavor and texture of cum noticeably improve when he drinks 3 plus quarts of filtered water a day. (2) Have your guy rinse with plain water instead of washing with soap, so he'll be clean but won't smell like tallow soap or synthetic fragrance -- which are extremely rank smells that clash with his sexy natural aroma. (3) I treat myself to leisurely and generous sniffs of his hair, face, neck, his armpits, his balls, and under his balls. Really taking the time to smell him all over makes for an unbeatable olfactory smorgasbord that goes beautifully with the taste and smell of his cum. Smelling him is a very intimate and fun experience for both of us, and it stimulates the wild animal in me like little else. - J., San Francisco

When I know he's about to cum, I just keep him deep in my throat, let the cum pool there, and then when I can feel he's finished shooting, swallow in one big gulp. This usually gets a big moan - something about my throat muscles tightening at the moment of swallowing. - Niki, Canada

I found out from girls who give head that the best tasting cum is either from a guy who drinks lots of juice, or from a very long blow job. So girls, take your time, and guys hold back. Guys, if you need to, just so you don't come so fast, take a break part way through and eat her out also. - Anonymous, Buffalo

In the beginning, I would just try swallowing, and would choke. I learned to swallow by first swallowing something right beforehand to get my taste buds ready. After a while, you will get used to it and won't need the added help - it will be just you, your partner and the cum. - Z., California

Just find a guy who's got nice tasting spunk and stick with him. - W., U. K.

Tuesday, May 12, 2009

Amazing yard sale finds

You know, everyone always laments about how they can't find the perfect toy for their kid at X-mas because they're all gone in the shopping frenzy.

Well I'm here to tell you theirs a gold mine out their in toys at your local yard sale. Buy now for literally nothing and don't worry this yule tide season.

Here are some of the amazing purchases I made last weekend for the kids in our family.

Creepy Michael Jackson-like doll for my nephew Steven.
Cost: I was told to just take it....Please!

Brain with legs for my friend's wunderkind kid Nancy
Cost: $0.75

Little Vampire soother kit for my next door neighbor's new born.

Cost: $0.35 but I'll probably have to give it to them by Halloween.

But there you go most of my Christmas shopping for the kids is done for just over a buck.

Monday, May 11, 2009

Starting by the numbers

The 20 worst Bill Cosby impersonations. I like to play them all at the same time so it sounds like a room of babbling idiots talking about pudding.

The 47 best and worst twist endings to movies. Spoiler alert!

The 15 funniest 5 second movies.

100 of the best movie lines in 200 seconds.

Sunday, May 10, 2009

Why? because fear sells

Now maybe you'll start reading the book?....OH! and happy Mother's Day!

Thursday, May 07, 2009

Wednesday, May 06, 2009

Better red than dead

They`re the same thing really........

Tuesday, May 05, 2009

Are you story board?

As we continue our exploration of Star Trek the phenomenon, you might say, "Hey I could do a better job." The movies and series really bore me.

Well, here's your chance smart guy.

Go here and create you own Star Trek story board

Monday, May 04, 2009

To boldly go

With the new Star Trek film set to open...or is it the new-old Star Trek film...I don't know anymore, I thought it would be cool to pay hommage to the series of films etal. this week.

Now don't get me wrong. I'm not one of those dudes who dresses up and goes to conventions, pulling my member to cries of, "Fuck the green bitch JIM!"

It's just there are a lot of funny parodies out there that should be explored. Like this one.

A history of Star Trek porn clips.

Now you really can yell, "Fuck the green bitch Jim!" and mean it.

Saturday, May 02, 2009

Jizz, puke, what`s the difference....oh right.

Remember the Jizz in My Pants song. Remember how you laughed then went and made a sandwich....and jizzed in your pants.

Now the ladies have a response.....

You pets are on drugs #6

Not really a pet, but on drugs none the less.

Here comes yardsale season

A little too early for yard sales you say?

Well you're missing out on the bargoons!

Just check out these sweet purchases I made this morning.

Bacon Lube cost: $0.45

Wow! If I'm ever disinterested in sex, GIGC will just rub a little of this on her cooch and I'll come running!

Harptallica CD cost: $0.25

Nothing says I'm the man like basting Metallica covers in my car with the windows down and nothing says I'm really the man, when those covers are all done on harps.

Further note: I didn't buy the Beatallica CD. They're sooooo pun intended.

Pin the Ovaries on the Uterus Game (Milton Bradley) cost: $1.50

Not as good as the bacon lube, but I had to do something after GIGC always complained when I pinned the real ovaries. Yet, it should be lot's of fun to play this at the next family gathering.