Saturday, February 26, 2011

Useful or useless links.

Stick figure Hamlet.

Worthless Wikipedia pages.

Creeps who text.

Oscar reviews #10

The King's Speech

All right people, here is my pick for the film to win the whole enchilada...or at least several bits of it.

The King's Speech is an amazing movie, brilliantly shot, equally well acted and compelling to watch despite the subject matter. Can't say that about too many British offerings from the Oscar palate i.e. The English Patient, Howard's End... do you really want me to go on?

It's the actors and the interaction between them that make this film work and Helena Bonham Carter, Colin Firth and Geoffrey Rush are all deserving and will elevate this film to the ultimate prize- Best Picture.

Add to it cinematography, art direction, costume design etc. and you easily have the biggest winner of the night.

Remember all this when you're filling out your mock ballot Oscar night and again when I'm proved correct Monday morning.....You're welcome.

Friday, February 25, 2011

Oscar reviews #9

The Fighter

I hear every one talking about what an amazing film this is, but I just don't see it.

Oscar worthy? Yes, in a year when the competition isn't particularly strong, but I enjoyed The Town equally as much and where is it in the nominations?

The unfortunate thing about this film is it forces me to compare it to others of it's subject matter- Million Dollar Baby, The Wrestler, Rocky, Cinderella Man, all better films in my opinion.

I think the biggest fail, for me was, although the film was well acted- Christian Bale especially- I couldn't get passed Mark Wahlberg. The same Mark Wahlberg I've seen countless times before in films such as *gulp* The Other Guys, Planet of the Apes and dare I say it, The Happening. Those were more Razzie than Oscar and I believe it will hurt the Fighter's chances of seeing any gold.

The quarter mark

25 chicks with chainsaws.

The 25 sexiest video game tattoos.

25 photos...these limousine interiors are making me ill.

Thursday, February 24, 2011

The mid-week numbers

48 whale-tail pictures.

40 signs with spelling mistakes.

For the vacationers, 51 reviews of Area 51.

Oscar reviews #8

Social Network

So...I really like David Fincher and I really like Trent Rezner. Which is to say, I believe Fincher deserves the Best Director Oscar and Trent will walk away with the Best Score nod for his haunting melodies that intertwine with Fincher's brilliant style.

To think Mr. Nine Inch Nails might win a golden boy would seem inconceivable a few short years ago and well...Fincher was only a matter of time.

When you find out he was thrown to the lions with his first major film Aliens 3 and then went on to direct films such as Seven and Fight Club, he's come a long way since his days of doing commercials.

Oh...but about Social Network...I guess Zuckerberg is a major dirt bag, but I'll still use Facebook.

Wednesday, February 23, 2011

Oscar reviews #7

The Kids Are All Right

Okay, I didn't see this film. You see, my quota for films with lesbians in it is one a year since my early twenties and I already saw Black Swan.

I'm told it was an enjoyable film, a poignant film, a funny film even, by my better half GIGC. Who am I to argue?

The real issue is, will it win any Oscars?

I say no. This film may munch rug, but that's gender specific. Don't look for it to take a bite out of the golden boy.

Tuesday, February 22, 2011

Useless or useful links

The hospital food tumbler.

The Church of Lebowski.

Worst gig ever site.

Oscar reviews #6

True Grit

Let's make one thing perfectly clear, I love the Coen Brothers. In fact, I would have their children if I could, but sadly absent of womb has left me void of offering such a proposition to the beloved duo.

Any hoo, back to the film. I found myself constantly referring to the original while watching this film, after all Jeff Bridges with his Dude eye-patch had some pretty big boots to fill- one John Wayne. Bridges did an excellent job not only recreating the character, but putting his own spin on it.

I even liked that Hailee Steinfeld chick, who I felt improved on the original role and Matt Damon....well he's no Glen Campbell, but passable.

My problem is, the Coen brothers are competing against themselves now and when I stack up all their work to this one it doesn't stand out as the best cinematic offering. It isn't No Country For Old Men, nor is it as good as Burn After Reading, The Big Lebowski, Raising Arizona, Fargo...the list goes on.

So how can I expect it to win the Oscar for best picture when it doesn't top the Coen brothers own work? I don't.

But fictitiously, the offer still stands to the Coen brothers and their impressive body of work. I await impregnation.

Monday, February 21, 2011

Oscar reviews #5

Winter's Bone

OK....not sure what's going on with this one because I haven't seen it. Has anyone seen this film?...Wait let me run next door and check with my neighbour.

Nope. He hasn't seen it either. I guess this is one of those Reader/ An Education type films that gets nominated but no one has a clue what it's about. Oscar for you Winter's....uh...what was the title again?....Oh yeah, Winter's Bone.

Wait.....what did I say I thought I was going to write for Black Swan? Oh yeah.....I can use it here instead. zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

Things I thought I'd never say on a Monday

Actually never at all, but....

I'd like to see a midget wrestler dressed as a gorilla, get kicked out of the ring.

Now that's good Family Day entertainment.

The movie numbers

14 prequels even Hollywood wouldn't make.

6 famous movies with mind-blowing hidden meanings.

20 sex moves for celebrities.

Sunday, February 20, 2011

Oscar reviews #4


This is the only nominated film I actually watched three times. The 1st time I was too confused, the second I was too stoned, the third time was just right.

I liked Inception and it will probably walk away with some visual awards, but best film? Forget it. You see when you nominate a movie for best film, but snub the director as the Academy did with Chris Nolan, it's not a great recipe for Oscar dominance.

Nolan seems to be suffering from Jim Carey Disease. For some reason the Academy hates this dude. Remember The Dark Knight, remember Memento? Both films worthy of better results, yet nada.

Unfortunately Nolan doesn't have Heath Ledger this time to pull one out and as far as I know Leo DiCaprio still walks on this mortal coil. So...Chris Nolan the Academy would like you to notice the thumb on nose and the tongue extended.

Sunday sports numbers

The 9 lamest off field injuries.

The 50 funniest photoshops in sports.

The 13 greates sports stadium sex stories.

Animals with drinking problems #7

Your kids days are numbered

The 20 worst children's book covers.

20 little girls with guns.

The 20 greatest photos of animals vs kids.

Saturday, February 19, 2011

But we can only hope she doesn't win.

Oscar reviews #3

Black Swan

I was caught off guard by this movie....which is to say, I actually enjoyed it.

Here I am thinking, okay here's a couple of hours I'll never get back from this chick flick. I can only pray that I stay awake until the girl on girl as consolation.

However, I found the film to be quite an intense thriller with borderline bits of horror in it. I'm not saying this film is going to win anything other than a best actress nod for Natalie Portman, who's subtle slip into madness was incredibly well done, but I'm also surprised I actually have something to say other than punching zzzzzzzzz's across the screen.

Oscar is sexy

The sexiest movie posters.

The hottest girl on girl movies.

16 awesome movie car chases. Car chases are sexy.

It's official: I'm going to hell

Friday, February 18, 2011

Oscar reviews #2

127 Hours

127 hours is directed by the same dude who brought you Slumdog Millionaire. You'd think a movie about a guy trapped in the middle of nowhere with his arm crushed under a boulder wouldn't make for a great movie, but it does.

I found it compelling enough to watch the whole thing and James Franco did an excellent job in the lead role. However, with bones breaking and dull surgical tools brandished, you might want to rethink watching this film if you're squeamish.

It won't win a god damn thing come Oscar night, but I do recommend it for watching and you won't have to give up your right arm to do it.


The top 10 battle scenes.

The top 10 daring escapes.

The top 10 shameless blood-baths.

10 celebrity screen tests for famous acting roles.

And the winner is....

The top 50 movies.

The 16 best worst films.

The 15 most Oscar worthy sex scenes of 2010.

Thursday, February 17, 2011

Oscar reviews #1

Toy Story 3

Yeah, I get it. They're selecting 10 films now for the coveted golden boy, and there are going to be a few, while good movies, they're not going to win.

Toy Story 3 is one of those films. The cards are just too stacked against them.
1. The Academy has never given the best film to animation.
2. It has the music of Randy Newman....Randy Newman for Christ's sake.
3. With so many excellent performances from real actors, how can you turn the Oscar dude over to an animated film?
4. Did I mention the music of Randy Newman?

Toy Story 3 was an okay film with exceptional animation just like "Up" was last year, but you probably wouldn't have seen it had you not had to take your child, nephew, niece to see it. Sadly it's going to end up in the same place all animated best picture nods the toy box unplayed with.

Movie numbers

6 plot threads in famous movies that never got resolved.

30 awesome disaster movie money shots.

The 50 most stylish fight scenes of all time.

My links have a first name that's OSCAR

Things that always happen in movies but never in real life.

The consistently inconsistent highs and lows of Nick Cage.

The greatest film supercuts of all time.

Wednesday, February 16, 2011

Tuesday, February 15, 2011

Monday, February 14, 2011

Ever wonder about porn overdubs?

Well wonder no more.

Porn Gets Dubbed For Overseas Market Part 2
In this exciting installment we get to see how porn foley is produced. Who even knew there was foley?! I thought balls slapping was plenty loud enough!
Get humor videos at NothingToxic

Bonus links:
Lessons to learn from fictional TV boyfriends that women love

Creepy Valentines.

VD by the numbers

14 dumb Valentine traditions.

101 creepy Valentines.

The 17 models of the 2011 SI swimsuit issue. Why? Because I want to remind you what you're missing.

Saturday, February 12, 2011

Tuesday, February 08, 2011

Friday, February 04, 2011

Wednesday, February 02, 2011

Tuesday, February 01, 2011