Saturday, February 28, 2009

Thursday, February 26, 2009

As if one Mickey wasn't enough

Today is National Do-over Day.

Since at the moment I can't figure out what it is that I'd like to do-over, I'm simply going to do-over yesterday's post.

Wow! How lazy was that......

Wednesday, February 25, 2009

A Mickey fin, ok make that six minutes

I meant to post this on Monday, but what the heh....

Just to show you the type of speech you missed by not seeing the Best Actor Oscar go to Micky Rourke.

Who's sorry now Academy........

Tuesday, February 24, 2009

Mossy cottage

Many days I've said to myself. "Self, I wish I had a place i could go when I needed another word for vagina."

If you've been faced with the same dilemma, worry no more my friends. The information you seek is right here at,

Monday, February 23, 2009

Black humor for a blue Monday

In honour of Slumdog Millionaire here is your Monday joke:

A guy says to his wife: "Darling, what would you do if I said I've won the lottery?"

Wife replies: "I'd take half then leave you."

Guy says: "Excellent! I had three numbers and won Ten Dollars. Here's fuck-off!

This giggle brought to you courtesy of Dickie Sanchez. That is all.

Sunday, February 22, 2009

Milking it for all it's worth

Sean Penn is a talented actor- please excuse Shanghai Surprise or whatever it was called. Sean Penn is a talented writer, director, producer - anyone see Into the Wild?

Yet, for some reason, the Academy hates Sean Penn.

Is it because they can't see giving an Oscar to a dude who played the dim witted stoner Jeff Spicoli in Fast Times at Ridgemount High? No that can't be it. They gave a few to Tom Hanks and he was in Bosom Buddies and Turner and Hooch.

Is it because they like Clint Eastwood better? But Clint was snubbed this year for Gran Torino and the Changeling, Penn at least got an actor nod and won the Best Actor Oscar for his roll in Clint's MR.

Is it because he went full-retard in I Am Sam? Perhaps the Academy thought he was making fun of them after dolling out awards to Hanks for Forrest Gump and Hoffman for Rain Man?

All I know is, Penn has done a decent portrayal of Harvey Milk the first openly gay politician elected to office, but I feel the warm fuzzy hate between him and the Academy will get a little deeper and we'll all find Oscar is lactose intolerant.

The Oscars go tonight.

Saturday, February 21, 2009

Nixon will finally be impeached

Nixon was a crook and resigned before he was impeached. Frost was the Ellen Degeneres of his day. History is replayed and it wouldn't seem that an interview involving the two would be that interesting, but it is. I believe only because, Frank Langella gives such a compelling portrayal of Nixon.

Really he should win best actor, but he won't. Micky Rourke's dog died this week and with a superb performance in the Wrestler, how can they not give it to the comeback kid?

However, I'm losing the frosting off my Nixon here and need to get back to it. Frost Nixon is a good little film, quite enjoyable....until Ron Howard does what Ron Howard always does and gives his brother a job. When Clint Howard hit the screen everyone around me ran for the exits.

No matter how many goatee's, hair pieces, prosthetic noses they put on this guy it's still thugly Clint Howard.

Lesson learned Ron. The next time you do a movie about two dudes in an interview, in fact any movie, leave nepotism out of it. Pleeeeese!

Friday, February 20, 2009

This dog has fleas

Everyone is calling for this film to piss with the big dogs of cinema and take home the Oscar. Although it's not my choice for winner take all, I'll let the water carry me down stream and say it will win. I guess you don't have to like the Academy's decision- remember The English patient?

The reason I feel this way? I guess it's because I heard so much buzz before I saw the film. My expectations were just too high.

Don't get me wrong, this movie is a feel good picture with hope, drama, romance, intrigue and a little kid covered in shit that makes a good picture....well good.

It's about a dude from the slums who ends up on India's version of, "Who Wants to be a Millionaire?" and answers questions based on his life experience.

Yet, I can't shake the annoying voice in my head. The host of the show in the movie who says "Mil-on-air" for an hour-and-a-half. It grates on me like a hooker with steel wool between her legs- other than that my trip to Mexico was excellent.

But I assume that when the question to who won the Oscar for best film this year is asked, the answer will be Slumdog Millionaire.

Thursday, February 19, 2009

Usually reading puts me to sleep

But then again, of the five nominated films up for the Oscar as best movie this year, this was the only one I didn't get to see. However, I did see the trailer and feel it's enough to give you my review on this work.

So....some dude is seeing his therapist and telling her of when he was a boy....not like the young/old Benjamin Button, or the old/young Benjamin Button for that know what I'm just going to drop the whole CC of BB altogether.

You get it, he's a teen and he has an affair with this chick who makes him read to her. Then all hell breaks loose, there's a trial and betrayal.....which kind of sounds like the French for trial except it isn't.

I'm pretty sure there's some lesbian sex, perhaps an Alien or two and some trans-gender know what?

Maybe I should actually watch the movie and get back to you?

Wednesday, February 18, 2009

Push de button

So here it is, the first of the reviews of the five nominated films for best picture. The Curious Case of Benjamin Button.

Here we have a film where a dude is born as an old man as a baby....following so far?....and gets younger with each year until he turns into Brad Pitt who had a wonderful poignancy as an old baby dude but is just Brad Pitt when he's younger.

Subsequently there's Cate Blanchett who gets older in the film and turns into an old woman destroying all my sexual fantasies of the woman in the process.

And they do this in a movie so long it took two days to watch it all.

But I love David Fincher and his directorial style. Remember Fight Club? Remember Seven? Huh? Huh? Remember Aliens 3?.....OK maybe not Alien's 3, but it wasn't released as he initially intended so don't blame him. Blame those studio bastards!

And I don't blame him either for the Curious Case of the Old Woman and the Young Brad Pitt Dude. Although I'm not sure it has the legs to walk away with that old Oscar dude who doesn't age at all.

Tuesday, February 17, 2009

Movies by the numbers

Next Sunday is the Oscar telecast, so pretty much all this week, I'll be posting strictly in that vein......except today.

But, to get you in the mood here are some movie numbers to keep you occupied.

20 Baffling foreign movie posters.

The 10 worst movie edits for television.

The 50 best movie deaths.

Bonus Oscar link.

Monday, February 16, 2009

Black humour for a blue Monday

Two homeless men are standing around bragging about their day. The First hobo says "Today i found $20, and was able to buy a nice hot meal. It was my luckiest day ever!".
to which the second hobo replies: "oh yeah, my day was way better! I was at the train yard, and found a woman tied to the train tracks. After I untied her, we fucked all day"
"Did you get a blow job?"
"Naw, I couldnt find her head"

Saturday, February 14, 2009

Famous dudes I almost know (part 3)

It's a funny story about Bill and wait....I can't tell that one. Let's just say it involves an internship and a cigar.

Oh, what could have been......yet, it was not I that met Bill last year, but my trusty cohort Bob Noxious on that sunny day in Miami.

I'll just have to be content on shaking the hand of the hand that shook the hand of the man. Which to me, is just as good because I know for a fact, Bob Noxious never washes his hands.

That's why I can also claim 2 degrees of separation to Rainn Wilson, Bob Denver (Gilligan)- before he died of course and the original line-up of Yes.

Friday, February 13, 2009

Now back to the sex and violen.....more sex

I could go on about how it's Friday the 13th and the history of bad luck and such, or the fact that I may have anal chugged one-to-many bottles of tequila this week- I'm sorry that's an image you didn't need.

However, I'm going to stick with the tried and true linkage in a homage to my laziness.

So in a mini sex-by-the-numbers, here are 10 sexual anomalies that will make your head spin.

I'm not sure you really needed these images either......

Thursday, February 12, 2009

A Blog in all seriousness.

I may be away but there's no reason you can't check out my other blog "the Grass is Greener" before I get back.

Now, by "the grass is greener" I'm not trying to insinuate some sort of sexual site in a cuffs and collars, carpet and drapes metaphor. This is a serious site for the lawn I'm serious.....the lawn enthusiast.....stop laughing!

Oh never mind!

Wednesday, February 11, 2009

Life's a beach

Greetings from the Mayan Riviera. While I'm away I will try to simulate as best I can the experience of actually being here.

I think this link should suffice.

Tuesday, February 10, 2009


This is the first thing GICC and I did when we got into our hotel room in Mexico.

Monday, February 09, 2009

Black humour for a blue Monday

A kid is sitting at the kitchen table in the morning and says, "Hey mom, pass the fuckin corn flakes." She takes him out back and whips him with a rod then sits him back down and says, "Now would you like something from the table?" He says, "Well I sure as shit don't want those fuckin corn flakes."

Saturday, February 07, 2009

Opera anyone?

I like Robot Chicken and I like Star Trek and I like opera.....OK opera not so much, but if you have the other two elements then I love opera.

Thursday, February 05, 2009

Go MILF yourself

It's cold and I don't feel like doing anything today but posting a link.

So here you go.

Wednesday, February 04, 2009

More B.J. tips for don't spit-swallow

Submitted by you for you.

I tell my mate to let me know when he's ready to cum, by tapping my head or shoulder. When he does I take his penis as far back in my mouth as I can. That way I feel the hot cum, but the taste is not as bad as it would be up front. Practice on dildos to perfect this technique. - Bobbie, Kentucky

I have a tongue piercing, but its overrated if you know how to use your tongue. Not too much, but not too little. Use your tongue on the back of his dick and around the head. Start slowly at the top like you're making out with it, then work your way down and increase the speed. They love it! (Hint: Drink alcohol and fruit juice combined for the best tasting cum.) - Lexi, Seattle

There must be something good about Asian diets, because the taste of Asian cum is just wonderful. Has anyone else noticed this? - Matt, Australia

Brush your teeth before - that way you don't taste it. - Shannon, U. S. - If gagging can not be helped or prevented, put 1 or 2 cough drops in your mouth. This will help numb the back of your throat and also give him a tingling sensation. - Anonymous, Maryland

Swallowing really isn't that bad at all. In fact, if you get the technique down, you hardly taste it. You can let his cum hit the back of your throat, totally bypassing your tongue...and voila! He's happy and you don't make any funny faces at the taste of it. Hell, think of what he does do you. - Lily, Pennsylvania

I know that it's a great idea to have ice cream afterwards. Not only does it get the taste out of your mouth, but if you're not used to sucking very hard the coldness sooths your throat. - Connie, Louisiana

Suck'em fast and swallow quicker. - Michelle, Chicago

Hold your breath just before he goes off...then swallow hard. - Anonymous, Canada
I love to taste the payoff of my attentions, but some are much better than others. I've noticed that the flavor is much less tasteable when the release is deeper in the throat area, at very least to the back of the tongue, which has no taste buds. The throbbing is the best warning, and is a delicious sensation, if you can swallow at least the head, or more. I prefer more....but the first shot on the tongue is absolutely the best, then down the throat, you get the flavor and the throbbing to enjoy! - Anonymous, Georgia

I have often found eating a cinnamon candy or chewing cinnamon gum not only masks the flavor but also gives the man a "HOT" blowjob. I know mine will reach for a pack of Big Red when he's ready. - Sammi, Ohio

As if the recession isn't bad enough

Are you upset about six more weeks of winter?

You can do something about it.

Whack a groundhog you'll feel better.

It's either that or whack yourself, but either way you're going to feel better.

Monday, February 02, 2009

Cardinal sin

If you are wondering why Arizona lost in Sunday's Super Bowl showdown. I believe it's because they didn't have the Log-proof suit.

On second thought, maybe if wouldn't have made a difference.........

Money for nothing

Every year companies spend millions on Super Bowl advertising and every year the commercials seem to get less entertaining. Although I would rat this year's group ahead of last year's crop.

Check it out for yourself if you want.

Black humour for a blue Monday

A family are driving behind a garbage truck when a dildo flies out and thumps against the windscreen. Embarrassed, and to spare her young daughter's innocence, the mother turns around and says, "Don't worry; that was an insect." To which, her daughter replies, "I'm surprised it could get off the ground with a cock like that."