Sunday, August 31, 2008

Tales from the road (part 39)

It was almost the performance that wasn't. From the time Private Sector stepped off the plane in Argentina there was trouble as Sector drummer Brian Christopher was whisked away by armed guards, detained and questioned. It also included a thorough body-cavity search.

Seems the band's percussionist was the victim of mistaken identity and the man the police were really after, Calvin "the decapitator" Ramirez, a vicious drug lord, was still at large.

Although hitting the stage 45 minutes late Private Sector managed to rip through their set in front of an exuberant capacity crowd who believed they were seeing a Beatles reunion. Although Christopher's drum seat had to be removed from its holder post to make him feel more comfortable.

Thursday, August 28, 2008

Tuesday, August 26, 2008

Amazing yardsale finds #3

Fright Factory

Cost: $2.00

All right! I'm finally going to be cool this Halloween.

Snack-Time Cabbage Patch Kid with box.

Cost: $5.00

Then I discovered when I got home, half the candy was missing. Rip-off!

I have half-a-mind to put my Fright Factory shit on and go back to scare the Bejesus! out of those fucks!

Chicken Limbo

Cost: $1.50

The only question I have is, can I outfit this thing with some sort of knife, or blade?

Either way, next party GIGC and I have is going to be interesting.

Monday, August 25, 2008

Thank God they didn't make shit like this when I was kid #5

The Baby whoopee cushion

Pro: The whoopee cushion will inevitably self-inflate given enough time and a diet rich in legumes

Con: The instant someone opts to sit on it the joke will take a horrible, strangely poetic turn

Bucktooth pacifier

Not only is this unspeakably cute , it comes with additional benefits as well. This gift will encourage random people to point and laugh at your baby, the one individual who isn't in on the joke.

This will help educate your baby on the soul-crushing bleakness that this world will rain upon them through the whole of their painful, pathetic lives. It's a small price to pay to have your baby wook wike a widdle bunny-wabbit! Awwwww!

Baby wigs and tattoos

Babies, though generally placid creatures, can become extremely violent when defending their territory. All it takes is some fresh fish toddler crawling into your kid's corner of the sandbox to incite Lego shivs appearing and suddenly you've now got a baby on the lam.

The least you can do as a responsible parent is to help your baby cloak their appearance with these convenient baby wigs (so they can make a run for the nearest international border) and with these tattoos so that once in prison the fellow inmates will know they're hardcore.

Ship arriving too late to save a drowning witch

And if you got that obscure reference I applaud you.

WINNIPEG - Someone claiming to be a sister of the young man stabbed and beheaded on a Greyhound bus in Manitoba last month has been trying to use the horrific killing to collect money.

The unidentified person posted messages on the Facebook social-networking site last week, claiming to be Tim McLean's eldest sister, Amanda.

The pleas for donations were on a handful of McLean tribute pages for a couple of days before people got suspicious. They pointed out the McLean family had already set up an account to accept donations at branches of TD-Canada Trust.

At the same time, someone reported the matter to the RCMP and the person posting as Amanda McLean was removed from Facebook.

You know I pulled the same stunt with Bernie dice.

Bono-fied fatty

Bono has reportedly been ordered to lose weight before U2 release their new album and start a proposed world tour next year.

The singer - who has been entertaining celebrity friends including Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie and Robert De Niro on his yacht in France this summer - has been told he needs to lose his excess pounds before the band start their promotional duties again.

A source told the New York Post newspaper: "U2 have an album coming out around January. And then the band is going on another world tour in March and April - so the boys have been told to start exercising all the summer weight off."

I don't think he looks that bad.

Crocodile rock

A crocodile killed and devoured a 25-year-old man in Bangladesh who waded into a pond next to a shrine hoping to be blessed by the animal, police said Thursday.

Inspector Humayun Kabir told AFP that Rubel Sheikh and his mother travelled 50 kilometres (30 miles) from their home to visit the Muslim Khan Jahan Ali shrine, where the attack happened.

Kabir said hundreds of people visit the shrine every day to offer hens and goats to the five crocodiles living in the pond. Part of the ritual also involves bathing in the water.

Seems like a great place to take a vacation....with your enemies.

She's too sexy for herself

Avril Lavigne is getting under the skin of Malaysian censors.

A hard-line Islamic opposition party in the Southeast Asian country is calling on the government to scuttle an upcoming concert featuring the "Sk8er Boi" singer, calling her stage act way "too sexy" for local tastes.

Officials with the Pan-Malaysian Islamic Party's youth wing contend Lavigne's Aug. 29 performance in Kuala Lumpur would set a bad example for citizens, especially coming two days before the nation's Aug. 31 Independence Day holiday.

"It is considered too sexy for's not good for viewers in Malaysia," party official Kamarulzaman Mohamed was quoted by the Associated Press as saying. "We don't want our people, our teenagers, influenced by their performance. We want clean artists, artists that are good role models."

Man, someone should tell her, she's got to stop hanging around Bono.

Crossposted on Mitchieville

Tales from the road (part 38)

"It was a gig unlike any other Private Sector has ever done," said Sector lead vocalist, Chris Strange. The performance in question took place outside of Addis Ababa in a large fenced in compound.

The ticket price was so high that few could afford to go."So what we came on stage to, was a few rich people milling about this huge field mostly chatting with one another and then thousands of Ethiopians outside the fenced area trying to see and listen. Completely bizarre."

Private Sector will conclude their, "Two in the Pink One in the Stink Tour," with shows in South America next weekend.

Thursday, August 21, 2008

Wednesday, August 20, 2008

Tales from the road (part 37)

With new equipment Private Sector returned to the stage for a show in Italy last night, but seemed a little off in their performance. Perhaps it was just the wear and tear of a tour that has featured riots, protests, theft, sickness, death, fire, bad weather, bad reviews, bad stage props, and at times, ill-timed quotes to the media.

"Naw, we just had an off-night, that's all..." drummer Brian Christoper stated, "...that and the fact that there's a lot of Italian pedophiles, wife beaters and dopers."

Is this you?

You really need to contact me about the camera I found at Pottahawk.

Monday, August 18, 2008

Thank God they didn't make shit like this when I was kid #4

The manual snot sucker

Here are two key points when using this product :

* Take the time to fully sterile the equipment before every use. You will also want to budget some time during use for letting the waves of nausea pass when you realize what you're collecting in that straw.

* When you feel pressure inserting the tube, stop promptly. If you notice the child cannot move the left side of its body when you apply suction, you've gone too far.

The Baby mop

Inventors in Japan are fed up with babies constantly making messes and never cleaning up after themselves. Introducing the baby mop, this leverages the all natural cleaning power of drool to buff your floors to a high shine. Please note that extended wear on carpet may build a static charge equivalent to licking a car battery.

Man boobs

From the instant any man dons this apparatus he can count on deeper bonding with his child, getting paid 25% less to do the same job as other men, and being grossly objectified for his sweet, sweet ass. On the flipside, he'll probably never have to buy his own drinks again.

Sunday, August 17, 2008

Amazing yardsale finds #2

Battlestar Galactica original action figure with launching torpedoes.

Cost: $0.50

Boy-oh-boy, the squirrels in my backyard have just found themselves in a heap of trouble.

Entire Hawaii Five-O catalogue VHS with "Book em Dano!" T-shirt.

Cost: "Take it. Please!"

Sweat stains under the arms of the shirt, but I really wanted that T.


Johnny Dangerous Atomic Energy Lab

Cost: $2.50 must replenish your own plutonium.

Perhaps in light of the Sunrise Propane explosion this week, this wasn't such a great purchase. But in case those squirrels turn out to be crafty buggers my Battlestar Galactica action figure's going to need back-up.

Saturday, August 16, 2008

The full retard

Advocates for people with intellectual disabilities are boycotting the movie 'Tropic Thunder' which opened this week, August 13. Outside some movie theatres, people carried signs calling the movie 'Tropic Blunder" and wore t-shirts saying 'Rally for Respect.'

They're offended by the movie's repeated use of the 'R'word....

The "R" word? Holy Christ, now we have to worry about the "R" word? Add it to the list with the "N" word and the "C" word. Personally I don't know how the good people at the CNR (Canadian National Railroad) are going to handle this?

They're also offended by the treatment of a character named 'Simple Jack' who has an intellectual disability. The character is played by Ben Stiller who also wrote the movie.

Here is the scene all the noise is over.

Big foot, or big hoax?

PALO ALTO, Calif. — Bigfoot lived in North Georgia, and his cousins are still there. That’s what a pair of Clayton County outdoorsmen claim as they released this picture of their find.

I don't know. That picture doesn't look like Val Kilmer at all.

But if they have definitive evidence to prove it, it wasn’t presented at a press conference here Friday where they had said they would make believers out of everyone. Dozens of mostly skeptical reporters showed up, lured by a flurry of interest in the story since pictures of the supposed discovery hit the Internet late last month.

Matthew Whitton and Rick Dyer said a second round of DNA testing on what they claim is a dead 7-foot bigfoot they say they stumbled upon while hiking in June in North Georgia is still being completed.

That's better.

Teen wolf

Not yet, but give him a few more years.

An 11-year-old "werewolf" boy who desperately seeks a cure for his condition is baffling medical experts.

Pruthviraj Patil is one of 50 in the world who suffers from hypertrichosis, a rare genetic condition known as Werewolf Syndrome.

As a result his face and body is covered in thick, matted hair.

But he is hoping doctors will one day find a cure for his ailment.

Or ship him off to those Big Foot Hunter dudes. Hey you don't suppose?

Making my hairy potter invisible

Researchers have taken the next step on the road to constructing a cloak of invisibility or a powerful "superlens" capable of capturing fine details undetectable to current lenses. A group from the University of California, Berkeley, this week is publishing the first demonstrations of materials capable of bending visible or near-visible light the "wrong" way in three dimensions.

Yeah, yeah, yeah....just let me know when I can get one. Women's dorm here I come! Gigady gigady.....all right.

Crossposted on Mitchieville

Thursday, August 14, 2008

Tales from the road (part 36)

With ever thing nailed down Private Sector performed the second night at "Weinerschnitzels" in Sindlefingen, Germany last night. The show went off without a hitch and the audience unlike the klepto-laden patrons from the previous night kept their hands to themselves.

However after the gig, as the tired group of musicians were whisked away, the load out of equipment didn't go quite as smooth. Three keyboards and most of Sector's drum kit went missing and are presumed stolen.

Sector will try to regroup from the loss before a show in Italy.

Wednesday, August 13, 2008

Bukkake for beginners

Thinking about making your own bukkake vid, or being involved in one for someone else? Here are some things you need to know.

Tales from the road (part 35)

Private Sector arrived in Sindlefingen, Germany to an overwhelming response by a capacity crowd, which triggered the band's best performance to date. It was only after the group left the stage and the crowd finally dispersed that the true intentions of those in attendance were discovered.

Sindlefingen, considered the stealing capital of Europe, didn't disappoint, as patrons took everything that wasn't nailed down, using their over exuberance to mask the five-finger getaway.

Taken were, several tables from the club, assorted glassware, a deep fryer, 8 speakers from the P.A., twelve microphones, two monitors, a box of guitar pics, the E-string from Sector's Don Barley's bass, a four foot section of carpet and a picture of Helmut Kohl.

Also stolen was my camera which accounts for the reason no pictures of last night are posted here.

Security will be beefed up for tonight's performance as Sector play their second of two shows.

Tuesday, August 12, 2008

Thank God they didn't make shit like this when I was kid #3

The "Daddle"

Sure, you could provide "horsie rides" without it, but then you wouldn't have a baby toy that doubles as an accoutrement for submissive sex play.

Not many kids toys come with the advisory "Don't leave children unattended with this toy. Also never forget your safeword."

Hamburger Baby Costume

Technically speaking, wouldn't this be a veal costume?

Metallica lullabies

Despite what metal purists think, Metallica Lullabies is not a box set of everything they've released after "..And Justice For All". It is reimagined and repackaged metal designed to soothe your baby to sleep and begin brokering their relationship with Satan. Kids don't usually embrace the Dark Lord until they discover Dungeons & Dragons, so they'll be way ahead of their peers.

Monday, August 11, 2008

Strangedaze Television Guide for Sept 01

Although the new television season is almost a month away I have a sneak peak at all your favorite new shows airing this fall.

Week of Sept 01, 2008:


Here is just a taste of what contestants can expect in the toss up round:
"Oh I like beer..."
"I've had three of them..."
"I liked them all; the honey, the Bravo, The Mexican..."
"But I didne' like the what's it called?"

Weeknights 6:00 PM

That's Just Dina: Dina opens an English Muffin stand and runs out of cheese.

Mon. 8:00 PM

Oh That Joe!: Joe has a plan. (2- part season premier).

Mon. 8:30 PM

Gilligan`s Eyelid: The medical team at Gilligan`s General is miniaturized and inserted into the gal bladder of a young woman to remove stones. The Olsen Twins guest star.

Mon. 10:00 PM

What Would Hitler Do: Some of the subjects up for grabs with the contestants this week are: What would Hitler do if- Jesus had been born to Ava Braun; Microwave ovens had been available in WWII; If those German dudes had only not opened the damn Ark of the Covenant in Raiders of the Lost Ark.

Tues. 8:00 PM

The Screaming Trudeaus: Trouble is afoot on Machismo Lane as a strange woman moves into an abandoned house on the corner. Guest star: Rebbecca De Mornay.

Tues. 10:00 PM

E-True Pottahawk Stories: Examines the growing popularity of Pottahawk icon Johnny wad.

Wed. 9:00 PM

The Golden Mitchums: Relocating from Parkdale, the Mitchum Family moves into a new territory at Bathurst and Wilson, an area controlled by the vicious gang the Mazal Tov Cocktails and a long feud between the two factions begins.

Wed. 10:00 PM

Meet the Bukkakes: Jeb Dweezil- John Goodman- invites his new Asian neighbors over for dinner only to discover there are twenty of them. They leave a mess that his wife is none too happy about.

Thus. 8:00 PM

Survivor the Shwa: Dabney Colman kicks off the season by depositing the 18 contestants- all from upper income families- at the Corral in Oshawa with no money, no food and no ability to make fire. All are challenged to pick up someone with a full set of teeth or find the "Little Bob" hidden immunity idol.

Thurs. 9:00 PM

C.S.I. Whitby: Morton Gibbs- Jason Alexander- is called to the GM plant in Oshawa to solve the bizarre murder of an employee walking the picket line.
George Hamilton Guest stars.

Fri. 9:00 PM

Dickie Helps: Dickie kicks off his season by exploring what went wrong with a homeowner's deck. (A 2-part episode), Tune in for the exciting conclusion in eight months.

Sat. 6:30 PM

Sunday, August 10, 2008

Amazing yard sale finds #1

On Saturday, GIGC and I decided to have a little Strangedaze garage sale. We did well and sold many a garage. It was so much fun that I decided to walk the hood and see if I couldn't pick up some rare treasures at other garage sales in the area. Here are some of my sensational finds.

Cost: $2.00
It came with a small burn kit and a package of muffin mix from 2006.
Will be a great addition next to the bed for those late night snacks.

Cost: $0.50
I've been looking for this baby for a long time and I can't believe someone was practically giving it away.
Man! If only I still had a record player.

Cost: $1.50
I seem to have a problem with neighbor's kids always tossing their toys over the fence in to our back yard. This ought to fix that.

Oh yeah! Now we're talkin'.

Coma toast

Well we managed to get through the week without another decapitation on a Greyhound bus....oh but wait a minute....

Head on a PETA

No one ever went broke underestimating the taste of radical advocacy groups, but even in that context, PETA’s latest advertising campaign sets new lows. Last week, an attacker beheaded and cannibalized a man on a Canadian bus, a revolting crime that made headlines around the world. But where human beings saw tragedy and lunacy, PETA saw … opportunity:

Comparing the recent stabbing and decapitation of a young Winnipeg man to how humans kill animals for food.

People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals said the advertisement is meant to make people understand how animals suffer when they are killed in slaughterhouses. The group posted the imageless advertisement on its blog site Wednesday.

So much for killing and cannibalizing runaway teens. Now I have to worry about ending up on PETA's website.

When you're a Jet you're a Jet all the way

Brett! Brett! Brett!

That was the seemingly universal opinion of Jets fans yesterday as supporters of Gang Green came down with Favre Fever.

The trade bringing quarterback Brett Favre to New York excited long-suffering Jets fans, who said the future Hall of Famer should help the team make the playoffs.

I guess we're still stuck with their annoying chant except it will now be, " B....R....E...T....T.....Brett, Brett, Brett!"

Goodbye Bernie Mac

Though I never knew you at all
You had the grace to hold yourself while those around you crawled
Goodbye Bernie Mac from the young man in the twenty second row
Who sees you as something more than sexual
More than just our Bernie Mac

Mr. Mac died from complications of pneumonia in a Chicago-area hospital, said his publicist, Danica Smith. A public memorial is planned for noon Aug. 16 at The House of Hope church in Chicago, Smith said.

"The world just got a little less funny," said "Ocean's" co-star George Clooney.

So long to a great comedian.

You're an eight

Police say there's been an alarming rise in urine-filled plastic containers found along a three-mile stretch of Interstate 84 in eastern Oregon.

A litter crew for the Oregon Department of Transportation picked up an estimated 200-300 urine filled plastic bottles, along the highway, about half of which were found in a short stretch dubbed "Three Mile Hill."

The strange thing? Most of the urine was from women.

Pitting man against woman

A man and a woman found a new use for a barbecue pit _ one that landed them in jail. An argument over whether a third guest should stay in the house got so heated that the woman picked up the barbecue pit and hit the man over the head with it, police said.

The man picked up the barbecue pit and returned the favor and hit the woman in the head with it, police reported. The woman then told police that she picked up the barbecue pit and hit the back window of the man's car with it.

Police admit that the whole situation was confusing, but after medics treated the man and the woman, they were handcuffed, read their rights and taken to jail.

Sounds like our camping weekend at Sibbald point last week.

Give me as S...T...U...P...I...D

What's that spell?

Twenty-six teenage cheerleaders....

Not the ones in the picture, but hell, you need something to look at.

...tried to cram themselves into an elevator at the University of Texas to see how many would fit, but then they got stuck and had to be rescued.

Wow this is eerie. That was the first thing we did when we got up to Sibbald Point...except replace elevator with outhouse.

One girl was treated and released at a hospital and two others....

....Including an Asian dude trying to take up-skirt pictures...

....were treated at the scene after the Tuesday night prank, officials said.

Woman Riding A Donkey Fights Off Lion With Machete

You really should have been camping with us.

Cross-posted on Mitchieville

Tales from the road (part 34)

After last night's performance Private Sector might want to seriously think of relocating to Austria. An exuberant crowd, a tight set, a slick show, all combined for two nights of perfection and set the tone for the rest of the tour.

The band was relaxed and at many times playful as they trotted out some rare Sector numbers like "Corporate Harvest", "Quiet Earth", "Life is Animation" and a solo performance from Bassist Don Barley who took over keyboards to perform "My Bike"- a B-side from a never released single on an obscure home recorded demo.

The crowd ate it up and Sector are hoping the Germans will be just as hungry.

Saturday, August 09, 2008

Where's Johnny Wad & Boo #4

Tales from the road (part 33)

Private Sector was saying gracious to Graz last night as they completed a very successful performance- their first ever in Austria- at club "Jesus Hat Brot Getoastet", which loosely translated means "Jesus Toast".

Even the opening act "A League of Amish Gentlemen", behaved and the show went off with out a hitch and the dangerous fireballs that had marred Sector's previous show in Belguim.

The band were hoping the luckiest day of the year 8/8/08 would help and it did. From the powerful opening of "The Cure", to the solid energy of "Subliminal Messages", the group was flawless.

Sector perform here again tonight and then move on to Germany for shows next week.

Friday, August 08, 2008

Dad's desert island collection #30

Crazy 8's

So today is considered the luckiest day in the Chinese calendar. Since 8 signifies wealth and good fortune, and today has three of them, don't be surprised if you're rubbing shoulders with many an Asian in the casino.

Yes my friends, the smacking of palms on tables and the cries of "Monkey!" will be heard from near and far.

However, for someone, today is not so lucky. You see I have developed the pictures of the water -tight camera I found floating at Pottahawk and believe me, these pictures were never intended to see the light of day.

So if you belong to any of these body parts please contact Strangedaze, identify some of the other pictures and reclaim what is rightfully yours.

Thursday, August 07, 2008

Tales from the road (part 32)

Private Sector performed for the first time ever in Belgium and for once nothing went Sector's set at least. However, with the Golden Mitchums off the tour due to a tragic death, Sector was forced to replace them with another opening act.

The replacements an energetic, yet dangerous, Israeli band called the Mazal Tov Cocktails wreaked havoc in their opening set constantly throwing explosive devices into the audience creating wide spread panic as people scrambled to try and leave the building. By the time Sector hit the stage, the capacity crowd had been reduced to a few hundred who had managed to find shelter far from the stage and throwing distance.

Sector move on to Austria for a couple of shows with new opening act: The Acoustic League of Amish Gentlemen.

Pottahawk T-shirts for 2008 revisited

Killing me softly with chemtrails

You know, something is slowly happening to me over the past few years. I seem to have developed more injuries, ailments and general malaise. I can't focus as well as I used to. In fact, sometimes I leave the room to get something and forget what it is that I wanted instantaneously. I sometimes have the sensation, things are crawling on my skin.

I'm not that old. My physicals, until recently, have always been stellar. I don't drink to excess, smoke, or let stress beat me to a pulp. I'm told there are no serious afflictions causing all this. So what is it?

Is it I'm imagining the pain and the weakness? Is it I have somehow just turned in to a lazy bastard who'd rather turn in at 9:00 PM then party?

Or is there something more?

Last night as I sat on the deck, sucked back a cold one- and by one, I do mean one- and gazed in to the clear blue sky. It was calming and Serene. Later as the twilight began to settle in I noticed the vapor trails starting and crisscrossing the sky, replacing the blue with a wispy haze- chemtrails again? Damn it!

Think it's not happening here? Check this out.

I've done a little research into H.A.A.R.P. and chemtrails, and I tell ya, It makes me wonder.

Wars just don't cut it anymore to keep the world population at bay. The future killer will have to be mass sickness and famine through "natural disasters". And here I thought it would be Windows Vista. Of course they'll still be squeezing every last dime they can get out of your under-drawers while they do it.

Maybe you think I'm crazy and I should just add that to the list? Maybe I am?

But do yourself a favor. Get information on what I'm talking about and make up your own mind.

After all, you can't deny we've had some strange and severe weather over the last couple of years; earthquakes; tsunamis; droughts; super-sized hurricanes and global warming takes the rap.

I find it funny with all the "Let's Go Green" initiatives on the plate, that shit like chemtrails are still going on.

They'd be better off to just show up at my door, look me in the eye and shoot me. I'd have more respect for those cowards who are trying to poison us slowly.

But the thing that surprises me most is I actually got through this post without forget what I was going...............

Wednesday, August 06, 2008

Tuesday, August 05, 2008

The big O

With the Olympics set to launch this weekend in Beijing, perhaps we need to brush up on our Olympic savvy?

Here is a little test. Can you guess which faces are those of athletes in Olympic competition or just people having orgasms?

Pottahawk T-shirts for 2008 revisited

Tales from the road (part 31)

As if things weren't bad enough with Private Sector returning home for a funeral that would never happen as a result of a bizarre communication mix up- the real death was the father of Golden Mitchum front man Ron Gnarly who abruptly has left the tour- they came back to perform in front of, yet another hostile audience.

The band was scheduled to play the Reading Festival at Chapters-Indigo, except those in attendance had expected a reading from famed Harry Potter author J.K. Rowling, not an 80's progressive outfit. J.K. was not scheduled to appear until next week but that didn't stop the mayhem.

Don Barley, bassist/ vocalist for Sector summed it up best, "It was horrible. When they found out we weren't J.K. the kids began to cry, then the adults started to throw Harry Potter books at us. One hit keyboardist Bob Stone in the head and he began to cry then passed out. Next thing we knew, we were all crying. Then we ran from the stage while Bug- Sector's drummer- carried the wounded Bob Stone. He is such a trooper. Horrible, simply horrible."

Private Sector move on to Belgium later this week.