Monday, June 30, 2008

Tales from the road (part 16)

Private Sector found themselves back intact as bassist Don Barley rejoined the band on the main stage after being struck with a sudden illness the previous night.

Although the band seemed more relaxed and gelled musically, turning in their strongest performance of the weekend, this night was all about a former Private Sector band member, Wally Cornfield, who with his band No Big Deal delivered a set of music that was one for the ages.

It was so good, in fact that headliner Neil Young, said there was no reason for him to even go on after that.

Private Sector move on to North Haverbrook in Alberta for Canada Day celebrations this week.

Sunday, June 29, 2008

Tales from the road (part 15)

Plagued by a mysterious and sudden illness, Private Sector bassist Don Barley was rushed to the hospital where it was discovered his drink back stage had been spiked with ketimine- a cat tranquilizer.

The band although down an important member, went on with the show, as vocalist Chris Strange performed double duty on bass. The band also added a dancing naked chick with cymbals to distract the audience from the obvious musical miscues.

It is suspected Barley will be able to rejoin the band for tomorrow's performance.

Saturday, June 28, 2008

Tales from the road (part 14)

Private Sector's recent kitten controversy has apparently followed them to Maple Ridge for a three day music festival this weekend. During the band's set four dead kittens were hurled on to the stage. One hit drummer Brian Christopher and was impaled on a drum stick.

It was a disgusting display that guitarist Stuart Green reprimanded the crowd for and the band chose to cut their set three songs short in protest.

Later headliner Neil Young told the audience, "There are two types of people in this world. Those who are kind, giving, honest and sincere and those who give kittens to people in mosh pits." He then played, "Rockin' in the Free World".

Concerning the comment, Private Sector vocalist Chris Strange said, "That was nice of Neil to say."

When told it wasn't a compliment Strange responded, "it wasn't?"

Security for the rest of the weekend will beefed up and all will be searched for kittens before entering.

Friday, June 27, 2008

Like a deer in the headlights

No seriously, if you're headed to the cottage this weekend watch the roads carefully for kamikaze deer and other animals bolting across your path.


Apparently the bug problem is so bad up north this year that even the animals can't stand it and are charging into open areas to escape the constant onslaught.

Why am I suddenly thinking there's a video game in the making?

Early hockey pool suggestions

Anyone the Leafs are getting rid of: Sundin, Tucker, Wellwood, Raycroft, McCabe, Kubina.

Everyone knows players always do much better once they get the hell out of Toronto.

Don't look now but your Gay is showing

Toronto's hotels, bars and restaurants quickly filled up this week as tourists started arriving for the gay pride festival. Close to a million people are expected to take part in the schedule of events, including a sold-out performance by comedian Sandra Bernhard.

Toronto's gay pride festival continues this weekend with a lesbian-dyke march Saturday afternoon, and the larger gay pride parade Sunday.

Last year's parade featured 144 floats and about 5,000 marchers, with police estimating the crowd at about 800,000 people.

Should be dead

Amy Winehouse: Why is this woman still alive?

The 24-year-old, a crack cocaine addict, is suffering from the early stages of the incurable lung disease.

Alright! So there is hope after all.

Actually died

Sadly, George Carlin. Now let's check with the good people at Death Pool and see who scored big with Carlin's death.

You know, some how I don't think he'd be displeased.

Cross posted at Mitchieville

Dad's desert island collection #24

I'm beginning to think Dad might have enjoyed marching in the Pride Parade....

Thursday, June 26, 2008

Tales from the road (part 13)

If Private Sector thought their fortunes would change in a long awaited home coming to Canadian audiences they better think again. The first of two shows at the Grand Passaglia in Spuzzem B.C. had to be cancelled due to a riot that erupted before the band even hit the stage. The angry mob discovered, last Sunday's kitten giveaway would not be repeated and nearly tore the place apart with chants of "Here Kitty, Kitty!!!!!!".

Sector had offered up the infant felines as a gesture of good faith to the Colorado crowd in Yuma, after a near disastrous U.S. leg of the tour.

In turn the second show was cancelled due to violent protests by the local Animal shelter and members of P.E.T.A. who vehemently opposed the tossing of the kittens that took place in the mosh pit at Sunday's show.

The band tried to appease the group by offering miniature dolls on drum sets, but to no avail.

Private Sector move on to Maple Ridge for a 3 day music festival this weekend.

Tuesday, June 24, 2008

Monday, June 23, 2008

Sunday, June 22, 2008

Up yours

MOSCOW - A monument to the enema, a procedure many people would rather not think about, has been unveiled at a spa in the southern Russian city of Zheleznovodsk.

The bronze syringe bulb, which weighs 800 pounds and is held by three angels, was unveiled at the Mashuk-Akva Term spa, the spa's director said Thursday.

So if you ever need to know your enema, now you know where to go.

My left foot

And a couple of right feet as well.

British Columbia’s coroner’s office called the discovery of a sixth floating human foot a hoax, saying on Thursday it was really an animal paw stuffed inside a running shoe.

At first, Wednesday’s discovery seemed to deepen the mystery surrounding the feet, all found floating along island shorelines in the Strait of Georgia near Vancouver.

But the coroner’s office called the latest find a hoax, saying a animal’s skeletonized foot had been inserted inside the shoe.

Are they sure? I mean I know a few women who have feet that look like they're ready to swoop off a building and attack field mice.

“Whoever is responsible for this took the time to ensure that the remains were set up to closely resemble human remains,” RCMP Inspector Brendan FitzPatrick said.

The feet all were recovered within a few kilometers of each other along island shorelines in the Strait of Georgia, which lies to the south and west of the city of Vancouver.

Tiger no longer in the tank

Tiger Woods revealed Wednesday that he has been playing for at least 10 months with a torn ligament in his left knee, and that he suffered a double stress fracture in his left leg two weeks before the U.S. Open. He said he will have season-ending surgery, knocking him out of the final two majors and the Ryder Cup.

"Now, it is clear that the right thing to do is to listen to my doctors, follow through with this surgery and focus my attention on rehabilitating my knee," Woods said on his Web site.

He sure wasn't listening to doctors by playing the U.S. Open, a victory that now looks even more impressive.

If you're depressed about this news then I suggest you check out the hottest chicks in golf.

Whopper of a price

It is known as the home of 'the whopper' and Burger King is hoping its latest product really lives up to its reputation.
The fast-food giant has launched a £95 burger - all in the name of charity.

95 Quid? That's like a million U.S. Dollars.

Setting a new record, the world's most expensive burger is available at its restaurant in Gloucester Road, West London.

It will eventually be available to order via a hotline.

The fine ingredients of what is called simply 'The Burger' include wagyu beef, white truffle, pata negra ham slices, cristal onion straws, modena balsamic vinegar, lambs lettuce, pink himalayan rock salt, organic white wine and shallot infused mayonnaise in an Iranian saffron and white truffle dusted bun.

At that price they should probably throw in a couple of prostitutes to perform oral sex on you while you eat.

Cross posted on Mitchieville

Tales from the road (part 12)

In an effort to make up for what has been a near disasterous U.S. leg of Private Sector's "Two in the Pink one in the Stink Tour", the band, who were playing "Dribbles" in Yuma Colorado last night, had a free kitten give-a-way to those in attendance.

Surprisingly no one threw anything at the stage and the performance went off with a minimum of glitches. No kittens were hurt in the moshpit either.

"Thank God this part of the tour is over", a visibly tired Don Barley, (bass/ vocals), lamented after the show. "It's almost like we've been cursed."

Let's hope the sacrificial kittens will appease the great Rockin' Roll Gods and turn things around as the boys head home for shows in Canada.

Thursday, June 19, 2008

Tales from the road (part 11)

Once again Private Sector found themselves in a heap of trouble via the mouth of drummer Brian Christopher. This time it came courtesy of the Eureka Tribune before last nights show at "The Pissed-off Mexican".

When asked what he knew about California, Christopher responded, "They have gay marriages here. There's a lot of Mexicans and even more pedophiles. Who knows.....probably mostly gay, pedophile, Mexicans? Now where's my rum and coke? Say, did I mention there are a lot of pedophiles in California?"

Those words resonated well into the performance and Christopher found himself dodging projectiles all night long- mostly rum and cokes. At one point a long cylindrical, battery-operated object struck keyboardist Bob Stone in the head and the show had to be stopped while he was revived.

Oddly enough the next song was Sector's "The Torture Never Stops".

The band moves on to Colorado.

Tuesday, June 17, 2008

Monday, June 16, 2008

Tales from the road (part 10)

It was an exciting night. It was an exhausting night. It was an exhilarating night as Private Sector was able to complete a pair of shows in the same evening and send home satisfied crowds at "Guns, Guns, Guns" in Waco Texas last night.

But the big news story was not the performance of the band as much as the capture of the fanatical stalker who confessed she phoned in a bomb threat for Saturday night, postponing the show until Sunday.

Irene Tuvesbush of no fixed address was detained after she was spotted acting suspiciously around a dumpster outside Private Sector's dressing room. She was carrying a poorly wrapped package with a ticking clock inside.

While being hauled away by local police she reiterated she'd done it all for Chris (Strange) the lead singer of the band, and if she couldn't have him no one could.

Tuvesbush was apparently outraged at the picture of a female fan bearing her breasts at a show last week in New York.

Private Sector will take a few days off in Nevada before moving on to California for a show later this week.

Sunday, June 15, 2008

This week brought to you by the letter "F"

Friday the 13th

Although PD13 festivities have all but wrapped up, it's not the last we'll hear of this year's event. Not only did the community reach it's target of 10,000
motorcycles, they blasted towards a single-event world record of over 12,000 tagged motorcycles. In all, officials estimate more than 30,000 attended the event. Manager of Tourism and Economic Development, Clark Hoskin, says bikes came in from as far as New York, California, Quebec, Georgia, Maryland and across the Great Lakes Region. OPP reported no significant incidents and said the mood was relatively calm throughout the entire event.

I love this event. It's one of the last places on earth I can walk around with my shirt off and not get ridiculed. There's always someone fatter, or a chick with bigger tits than me as well.

Freedom day

This year's Tax Freedom Day, as it has come to be called, comes four days earlier than last year's date thanks to the reduction of the federal goods and services tax to 5% from 6%, as well as tax cuts across various provinces, the institute said.

As well, 2008 is a leap year, automatically bumping the date up one day to June 14th.

The taxes used to compute Tax Freedom Day are income taxes, as well as property taxes, sales taxes, profit taxes, social, health security and employment taxes. Also taken into consideration are import duties, license fees, taxes on the consumption of alcohol and tobacco, natural resource fees, fuel taxes and hospital taxes.

Is it just me or do we all pay way too much fuckin' tax?

"Given the number of different taxes imposed on Canadians, it is virtually impossible to know exactly how much tax we pay," said Niels Veldhuis, director of fiscal studies at the Fraser Institute. "The point of Tax Freedom Day is to give people a comprehensive and easy-to-understand indicator of the total amount of taxes paid to all three levels of government."

Personally I feel the point of Tax Freedom Day is to understand just how much Government dick we take up the puckering balloon knot.

Father's day

I posted this yesterday as well, but what the hell, it's funny and it's Father's Day.


Hi-ho-the -dairy-o the Mayor takes a wife.

And for anyone who missed the blessed event, it was a spectacular affair with chocolate strawberry fountains, horse-drawn carriages, and a guest list not seen since Chuck and Di.

TLDG looked stunning in her white dress sparkling with sequins and a train that ran longer than a NHL playoff overtime- it was still leaving the church this morning!

And the Mayor looked sharp in his tux. In fact the last time I saw him look this dapper was in his landslide defeat of that bastard Jerry Casby, in the mayoral elections of 2006.

Here is an exclusive picture of the 2 girls one cup wedding cake, that I might add, was absolutely delicious. Such nutty and rich chocolate. It was chocolate right?

The Mayor and his new Bride are now on their honeymoon in gorgeous downtown Milton.

Hey I'm sorry! I thought it said A Rubik- as in cube, on the registry, not Aruba.

Any-hoo....congrats you two. Much happiness!

Cross posted on Mitchieville

Tales from the road (part 9)

With drummer Brian Christopher back in the fold after being discovered half-naked in a local sushi restaurant with a pot of Chai tea and reciting lines from "A Clockwork Orange", Private Sector pressed on to Texas for two shows.

However, a bomb threat from an anonymous caller had authorities pull the plug on last nights performance at "Guns Guns Guns" in Waco.

Sargent Leroy Grubles of the Waco police said, "The risk was too great. The caller said if the band hit the stage the club would be blown up, everyone would die and that to tell Chris Strange (Private Sector's lead singer) they loved him."

After a sweep of the club by the bomb squad no explosive devices were found and the band will try again tonight, under heightened security, to do back-to-back shows and accommodate crowds from both nights.

Friday, June 13, 2008

Dad's desert island collection #22

Tales from the road (part 8)

It was supposed to be a show to remember, as Private Sector rolled into Central Square for last nights performance...and it was, but for all the wrong reasons.

Meticulous about their rider contract, Sector had no complaints until drummer Brian Christopher discovered instead of his usual Earl Grey Tea stipulated in the backstage extras, someone had mistakenly left him a box of gray golf tees with a note attached that said, "For Earl".

Guitarist Stu Green said, "It was like he was possessed. He went crazy, punched several holes in the wall and left without a word to anyone."

When it was time to go on stage Christopher had still not returned and couldn't be found. Panicked and in a last ditch effort to save the night, the band put out a call for drummers into the audience and were rescued by a man known as Bootsy Fordice (pictured above).

It was a shaky night but the rest of the band trudged through with their surrogate drummer and finished the show. It is unknown at this time if weekend dates in Texas will be rescheduled if Sector's drummer is not found.

Thursday, June 12, 2008

Tales from the road (part 7)

"The Skinny Atlas", in Skaneateles, New York was the sight of Private Sector's second stellar performance in a row. Although it failed to catch the magic of the concert in Jiso, the band was solid and moved effortlessly from song to song, despite the fact that half the visual rig and backdrops mistakenly ended up in Central Square the venue for tomorrow night's performance.

The band pieced together some table cloths, a few naked light bulbs, a few flashlights and hit the stage as if it were, "business as usual".

Pottahawk Piss-up T-shirts

Wednesday, June 11, 2008

Tales from the road (part 6)

It was evident from the opening power cords of "the Cure", this was going to be a special night. Private Sector had not played "Stinky Pete's" in almost 20 years. In fact, the club was now called, "The New Stinky Pete's", but that didn't make a difference.

This was a celebration- a welcome home of sorts, and those in attendance in Jiso, New York last night, were ready to party. The band sensed it too, pulling out numbers not on the official set list. "Corporate Harvest","Life is Animation" and mish-mash of progressive segues from Rush's, "Tom Sawyer", into The Clash's, "London Calling", followed by Peter Gabriel's "Big Time", all served to feed the frenzy.

Lead singer Chris Strange summed it up best, "If the rest of the tour goes this well, I don't want it to end. If only Benny Mardones was alive to see this, he'd be proud."

When informed that Benny Mardones, the pompous Syracuse crooner who played shows with Sector many moons ago, was not dead, Strange replied, "Whatever."

Tuesday, June 10, 2008

Pottahawk Piss-up T-shirts

Tales from the road (part 5)

Private Sector performed a super secret surprise acoustic set at Sparky's Cove in Brewerton, New York last night. It was the scene of Sector's reunion last October.

However, the gig was so super secret and so surprising, that no one came and the band played for staff, a couple of confused fisherman and a yappy dog.

Private Sector begin a three night New York swing at "The New Stinky Pete's" in Jiso tonight.

Sunday, June 08, 2008

Tales from the road (part 4)

It was a close call, but Private Sector actually completed their first performance of their 2008 "Two in the Pink, One in the Stink tour" last night- fire postponed the North Dakota show and weather cut the gig in Ohio short.

However, it was touch and go at Yeunglings's in Ypsilanti Michigan, as drummer Brian Christopher made an ill timed comment over the microphone congratulating "the new Stanley Cup champion Detroit Penguins". The announcement did not sit well with the pro Red Wing crowd.

Private Sector plugged on through the downpour of boos and managed to finish strong winning the crowd back. By the time the final notes of "Subliminal messages" had finished in the encore, the band had completed their first performance.

Bassist Don Barley joked, "I was beginning to think we should call this tour 'Two in the stink, one in the pink.'"

The band moves on to New York for dates next week.

Saturday, June 07, 2008

Bear necessity

The husband of a 70-year-old grandmother who was killed by a bear in northern Quebec fearlessly chased the wild animal off his wife's battered body, according to family members.

Conservation experts set traps after Friday evening's attack, but according to police, as of last night, the bear was still at large in the wilds of northern Quebec.

And it doesn't stop there. Black bear sightings have been rampant in the Durham region as well. The creatures have been getting more aggressive in their attempts to find food. Just take a look.

Bare ash

As reported on Mitchieville earlier in the week, a teddy bear shaped bag with Kurt Cobain's ashes has reportedly been stolen from Courtney Love's home, along with a considerable amount of clothing and jewelry.

"I can't believe anyone would take Kurt's ashes from me," Love said in an interview with News of the World.

I can't believe she had him killed in the first place, but that's just me.

"I find it disgusting and right now I'm suicidal. If I don't get them back I don't know what I'll do."

Commit suicide maybe.......wishful thinking I guess.

Bare naked
A new line of naked clothing is available for those who don't just want to wear their heart on their sleeve, they want their genitals as well.

Just wondering....if you're going to go to all the trouble of having these clothes made, why not choose a hotter body?

Take a look at some of the other outfits and you'll see what I mean.

Rare bare port-a-potty scare

LEBANON, Pa. (AP) - Rescue crews had to cut apart a portable toilet to rescue a man who got stuck naked inside the potty.

Maybe he was wearing those naked clothes?

Authorities say 31-year-old Shannon Hunter, of Lebanon, used his cell phone to call 911 on Sunday from inside a portable toilet.

Police say Hunter had been drinking and had taken off his clothes. Somehow, he immersed himself in the holding tank.

Probably looking for Cobain's ashes.

Deputy fire commissioner Chris Miller told WPMT-TV, "I've been on the job in one form or fashion for 21 years, and this is the first port-a-potty rescue I've ever had."

The Deputy fire commissioner should come camping with me some time.

Grin and bare it

Is the theme that defined hockey for the past 40 years or so on the Canadian Broadcasting Corporation’s Hockey In Canada program run its course?

According to the Toronto Star, the jingle that is familiar to your average to avid hockey fan might’ve been heard for the last time during the intro to last night’s Game 6 Penguins-Red Wings matchup, that rightfully saw the Wings capture the revered trophy we all know as Lord Stanley’s Cup.

The Hockey Night in Canada theme song is part of what Canada is. To lose that theme song means we lose another little bit of Canada. What's next? Replace Don Cherry with Hillary Clinton??

In an exclusive report, just so happens I have the replacement song with the inside track on becoming the new Hockey Night in Canada theme.

Well, it was either that or "Chocolate Rain".

However, If you are still not pissed-off, or sickened by this decision then go here.
If that didn't work then go here.

Now you should be feeling outraged!

Cross posted on Mitchieville

Dad's desert island collection #21

Friday, June 06, 2008

Tales from the road (part 3)

After Tuesdays rocky start in North Dakota when fire put an early end to the evening's performance, Private Sector was looking for a lengthier outing in Ohio at the outdoor venue in Wooster Square. However as thunder clouds quickly moved in it became apparent that this night too, would come to a preemptive end.

By the mid point of the show, the rain was too severe to continue and despite a three hour delay the band was not able to battle the elements and the show was officially postponed.

Sector will try again this weekend to finish what they started when they move on to Michigan.

It's Friday and I'm hitting the links

Let's start off with a little etch-a-sketch porn shall we.....

Body parts for cash!!!! Since Johnny Cash is dead I can only assume they mean money.

Hey it's the longest site about the longest stuff that's the longest, or something to that effect. I wonder if the Longest Yard is there? You know the Burt movie about prison football, not the shitty Adam Sandler remake. about wacky world festivals?

OK you dress me up like Sugar Bush Squirrel and tell me I have no acorns, you might as well just shoot me.

Thursday, June 05, 2008

Pottahawk Piss-up T-shirts

Wing ding

Thankfully it's over. Detroit nabs their 4th cup in 11 years by ousting the Pittsburgh Crosbyites in six games.

I do admit to watching the last two games because I always like to see Lord Stanley's trophy taken out and presented....(Not that there's anything wrong with that), but I found last night especially a ho-hum, lack lustre affair.

Maybe because I had no vested interest in the teams playing, but I found the Super Bowl exciting and I didn't care who won there either.

No...something seems amiss with the fastest game on ice. Could it be the lack of animosity between teams who play each other only once or twice a year?

Why do you think the first round of the playoffs is always the most intense?

Wednesday, June 04, 2008

Tales from the road (part 2)

Last night Private Sector opened their long awaited, "Two in the Pink, One in the Stink Tour" at the Crooked Dick in Yahookitzville, North Dakota.

The tour opened with a bang- literally, as three songs in, a pyrotechnical device malfunctioned and set the left side of the stage on fire. No one was hurt in the incident although a Fry-cook was slightly injured during the evacuation.

The remainder of the show was postponed pending an investigation. Ticket refund available at point of purchase.

Tuesday, June 03, 2008

Monday, June 02, 2008

You don't know Diddley

As a tribute to Bo Diddley who died today, I'd like to re-post a little something as a tribute. Initially this found its way into the News and Reviews segment last year when Diddley had his stroke. It somehow seems fitting, with a new verse added on the end that is.

Come on...sing with me....

Bo Diddley clearly was not himself,
His speech recognition was on the shelf,
When all his ailments finally broke,
Poor Bo Diddley done had a stroke,

Bo Diddley almost bought the farm,
Shoulda been aware bout the pain in his arm,
Rushed to a hospital, put em in a bed,
Otherwise Bo might’ve wound up dead,

Hey bo diddley, oh bo diddley,
Hey bo diddley, oh bo diddley.

Now he’s havin' trouble can’t speak, can’t talk,
sure can’t play no guitar rock,
With a little improvement day by day
You might hear the doctors say:

Hey bo diddley, oh bo diddley,
Hey bo diddley, oh bo diddley.

Today is the day that Bo done died.
He can't drink and can't eat no Kentucky Fried.
Put him in a box, dig a hole deep.
Bo Diddley's going for an eternal sleep.

Conspiracy loves company

For some reason I can't explain I've been on a mad conspiracy theory hunt over the past week. Everything from Bilderburg- a secret organization of the world's elite bent on enslaving the masses with global world government to Tesla's inventions put to use in project H.A.A.R.P. an attempt to control weather and create natural disasters like the earthquake in China.

Was 911 an inside job?
What is Project Camelot?
Is the Federal Reserve really a privately owned bank?
Where is the law stating people have to pay income tax?
Are we being poisoned by chemtrails?
Do I have too much time on my hands?

Man, I feel like Fenris today.

Sunday, June 01, 2008

Tales from the road (part 1)

As Private Sector prepare for their first tour in 20-odd years, final preparations are taking place at the end of a grueling two month rehearsal regimen that will see P.S. cover their storied musical career with a blazing two and half hour set spanning all eight releases.

It has been a long torturous road to a point few thought would happen and it almost didn't. As late as yesterday afternoon several injuries plagued the band and thoughts turned to postponing the tour. Keyboardist Rob Stone swallowed a bug, drummer Brian "Bug" Christopher swallowed a stone and singer Chris Strange broke three fingers after he punched a wall in a blind rage when he discovered someone had eaten the last "Hello Kitty" Pudding cup.

The guys, however, plugged on like true professionals and the "Two in the Pink One in the Stink Tour" will open as scheduled Tuesday June 3rd at the Crooked Dick in Yahookitzville North Dakota.