Tuesday, July 31, 2007

Farrelleo and Tooliet

Nothing like a little Shakespere to brighten up a Tuesday.

Monday, July 30, 2007

Tasteless cartoon of the week

Since GIGC and I are taking off this weekend with our usual gang of lunitics to a camping retreat, I thought this next cartoon might be good to get us in the mood....

Sunday, July 29, 2007

Deja view

Was I suddenly transported back in time? I feel like this news has all been presented to you and I before.....let's see....Britany is pregnant again, Lindsay is busted for erratic driving and possession of drugs, A Simple Life star gets jail time.....yup I've definitely found a portal to the past. Time to invest in Google and RIM stock.

Drew Carey come on down!

You're the next host on "The Price Is Right"

"The Price Is Right" debuted on Sept. 4, 1972, before many of you were even born.
Almost 35 years later, it's the second-longest-running game show ever. Only "Sabado Gigante," a Spanish language variety show, has been on the air longer.

Remember that one the next time you play Trivial Pursuit. Actually I heard they chose Drew because he was the only host willing to get neutered.

House about that

I knew the T.O. housing market was hot but.....a woman in the Beach got $650,000 more than her asking price in a bidding war....

Warning to perspective buyers: watch out for mumified babies in the attic.

....and that overnight line you might have witnessed downtown was not for faithful fans waiting for concert tickets, or Harry Potter novels, it was Real estate Agents waiting for the next phase of a condo development to go on sale. A condo that will not be habitable for three years!

Looks like GIGC and myself picked a good time to sell our house, but a bad time to stop smoking crack.

Lyin' feline ain't lyin'

A US cat that is reportedly able to sense when a nursing home's residents are about
to die is baffling doctors.

Oscar has a habit of curling up next to patients at the home in Providence, Rhode Island, in their final hours.

According to the author of an article in the New England Journal of Medicine, the two-year-old cat has been observed to be correct in 25 cases so far.

Staff now alert the families of residents when he sits down next to their ailing loved one.

I've been so creeped out by this story since I heard it, I repeatedly kick the cat off the bed at night.

What do sugar, tar, and water have in common?

No....It's not the newest version of Lucky Charms with "Sugary moons, tars and clovers".

No....They are not all items found in Linsay Lohan's pants, nor are the sexual lubricants for Drew Carey.

Wrong again....They are not elements when mixed together can predict death.

If you said they were all loads being hauled in transport trucks that have flipped over on major highways in the Big Smoke in the past 2 weeks creating commuter chaos you'd be right.

You were probably sitting in grid-lock like I was swearing your face off?

Where's Johnny Wad #4

Cross posted on Mitchieville

Friday, July 27, 2007

New release this week

You've smelled them, you've been lost with them, you've never understood them, now hear them sing. This week I recommend The New York Taxi Driver......you're welcome.

Thursday, July 26, 2007

Life in the flaccid lane

OK, so the new Private Sector logo looks strangely like a flaccid penis- in fact my flaccid penis- but you must agree it's the perfect symbol for a bunch of middle-aged men trying to recapture their youth?

Wednesday, July 25, 2007

More, more, more

It's always more with you people...and I use you in the kindest possible way.

Ever since I showed you my tits last week you've been clamouring for more breasts...well I'm sorry! I only have the two.

What? Ohhhhh! Pottahawk tits you say? That's different....well I'm sorry! You've seen all the pictures I have.

But never let it be said that Ol' Strange wouldn't crawl across a room full of razor blades to drink a pound of your piss. That's right you ungrateful bastards....and once again I use you in the kindest possible way.

I have scoured the net to find you titty pictures from Pottahawk. Finally I have what you crave courtesy of my good friends at Canadian Girls Gone Wild....actually I don't know them from Adam. However, the beauty of it is, all I have to do is give them a link and I can rip them off to my hearts content.

Tuesday, July 24, 2007

Back to the Metal

With the Simpsons hitting the big screen this weekend, I present to you another blockbuster that was bumped from the Summer line-up to make room.

Monday, July 23, 2007

Sunday, July 22, 2007

Let's hear it for the big loser

The Philadelphia Phillies, who this week became the first professional sports team to lose 10,000 games. Futility has followed them since the day they were born, and Sunday night was no different for the losingest team in sports history. Loss No. 10,000 came when Albert Pujols hit two of the St. Louis Cardinals’ six homers in a 10-2 rout.

Just to put things in perspective: I'd have to be rejected by women I hit on in bars for the next six weeks to even have a chance of surpassing that number.

Let's hear it for the big loser: Part deux

As Michael Vick's career goes to the dogs.

The federal indictment of the star Atlanta Falcons quarterback and Nike endorser, in one fell swoosh has dragged dogfighting into the national spotlight.

Pick a subjective word for this blood sport. Vicious. Gruesome. Inhumane. Side-splittingly hilarious. Some sick souls would say it's honorable.

Whatever you choose, know this: Dogfighting is illegal in all 50 states. It's a federal crime. And it's happening in the San Joaquin Valley, where another barbaric excuse to gamble -- cockfighting -- is big business.

Perhaps Vick should have whipped out his penis and gone the cockfighting route?

Women are getting bullish

Women in the northern Spanish city of Pamplona, world-famous for its ferocious bull-running festival, are demanding their own version complete with cows instead of bulls.

Does that mean the women who run will all be plus-sized?

Women have been allowed to take part in the San Fermin bull-running for some years but they still represent a tiny minority of the thousands of runners who attempt to dodge 600-kilo bulls along an 800-metre course through the streets of Pamplona.

I say let em run with the bulls. They won't get hurt. Why I gored GIGC repeated just the other day and other than her repeated screams of pleasure, she seemed relatively unscathed.

Look out Barbie

Twelve inches high, these soft plush toys come in three beloved Bible characters ?
Moses, Esther and, of course, Jesus complete with biblical messages.

Like what? "Please don't crucify me." and "Thou shall not worship other plush dolls."

The doll's voice is activated when the child hugs its red heart. The simple but profound messages the dolls speak are at the heart of what these lovable teaching tools are all about. Here's a sample of those messages:-- I love you and I have an exciting plan for your life. (Jesus: Jeremiah 29:11)--

Say Jesus, did that plan including living paycheck to paycheck, with the government busting my balls for money I owe them, 7 STD's, a rare form of prostate cancer and a partridge...in a pear tree?

Sorry, I couldn't find out if the dolls were anatomically correct or not. "Moses' rope belt is hanging out of his robe. hey! That's not his rope!"

Wanna whole lotta puke

The world's first rock 'n' roll theme park, Hard Rock Park introduces Led Zeppelin - The Ride. This rock 'n' roll themed roller coaster will stand over 150-feet tall and feature a high fidelity onboard audio system that plays Led Zeppelin's hit single "Whole Lotta Love" while passengers are sent through a series of six inversions. Led Zeppelin - The Ride is a mix of classic rock 'n' roll and amusement ride thrills. Keeping with the theme, the loading station will be designed to look like a giant zeppelin.

Way down in side....woman....you need a barf bag.

The search for the perfect opening act continues

Private Sector is still searching for interesting acts to open their fall tour. The newest acts to throw their hat into the ring for your consideration.

Sasha and Sanchez: Magic act extraordinaire- Show stopper is when Sasha pulls 22 pairs of underwear from Sanchez's pants.


Chess Piece Face: An obscure They Might Be Giants cover band. Unlike the TMBG duo, CPF has only one member.

If you'd like to see Sasha and Sanchez or Chess Piece Face, send your choice with 2 Count Chocula box tops
to: Mitchieville, Ont. ONO FU2 c/o The Mayor's office.

Cross posted at Mitchieville

Saturday, July 21, 2007

Self indulgent Saturday/Sunday

For the past 30 odd weeks I have been posting sequential chapters of my novel, "The Limits of Respectability". Today I intended to start posting the sequel, "Handmade Heart". However, since I was going to be away this weekend at the annual Sarnia Bayfest with GIGC- I know, I know...I really know how to live it up- I uploaded drafts for posting before departure.

Yet today I go to post the first chapter of HMH and find nothing but the blank page- which I guess is something if you want to get technical about it- So those of you who have faithfully followed the faux pas of Doc, Sparky, Wally and Wires will have to wait another week to see how these middle-aged men cope with another swing at the music industry.....hmmm....sounds familiar in an Entourage sort-of-way......or you can just go to the myspace page and get an idea how it turns out.

Now if you'll excuse me, I have to go download the new "Dirt Pipe Milkshakes". I'm pretty sure I used to date one of those girls.

Friday, July 20, 2007

New release this week

I know Michael Vick of the Atlanta Falcons already owns this baby. You should too.

Thursday, July 19, 2007

And the answer is......

The answer to Sunday's Pottahockey question is: B- Strange

All the beads around my neck should have been your first clue.

Wednesday, July 18, 2007

Tuesday, July 17, 2007

Harry Potter and the Order of the Cartman

Everyone's wild about Harry to the tune of $450 million world wide thus far. However, did you know the movie under went some serious script rewrites before it finally reached theatres? Here's one of the earlier drafts.

Monday, July 16, 2007

Sunday, July 15, 2007


Shoot and score by correctly matching the right head to the body.

Is it....

Old news to choose for reviews

It’s been a few weeks since I had the time to devote to News and Reviews you can’t possibly use. Other duties have gotten in the way: Pottahawk, putting the hacienda up for sale, arson...no wait! Scratch the last one. It wasn’t me. Honestly.

I even had to miss the Mayor's blogfest party at the mansion. Guess I'll have to swing from the chandelier without my pants some other time.....maybe this Friday?

However, I’ve been left with a wealth of material I can’t post since most of it’s old news like Springtime for Paris-

Yup it’s been that long. Who cares about anything Hilton anyway? I mean when your favorite passage from the bible is...uh...that last one....Reservations?

A female jockey won the Queen’s Plate for the 1st time ever.

As far as I’m concerned women and horses should only be seen together in porn. What’s next? I suppose they’ll be wanting the vote?

As you read on Mitchieville, NASA has put the 6 million dollar bum rush on a toilet for the space station.

Hey guys! Have you ever head of Home Depot? $19.95.

A new study shows kids would rather give up TV than the Internet.

Sure. It's much easier to download porn and meet pedophiles.

I also learned that 7 out of 10 terrorists recommend doctors and Honest Ed died, but that’s all ancient news......OK except for Honest Ed. Wonder how long before the musical: Honest Dead?

I'm Lavigne on a jet plane

Just when it seemed Avril Lavigne was in the clear, her song writing ability and authenticity has been called into question again. Music buffs have pointed to Lavigne's new song I Don't Have to Try and made direct comparisons to Peaches' 2003 track I'm the Kinda.

Hey Avril. Steal some Sector songs will ya. We could use the publicity. Next week: Avril claims to be the first woman jockey to win the Queen's Plate.

Oooo that smell...

Researchers from the New York State Psychiatric Institute say they have found that a smell identification test can predict Alzheimer's disease. An inability to identify certain odors like roses or gasoline can show which people with cognitive impairment will go on to develop Alzheimer's.

Get back to me when you lose the ability to smell your own shit. If that's one of the odors, I'm gonna get Alzheimer's, but at least I won't be alone.

What's black and orange all over?

A U.S. jury found Conrad Black guilty of three counts of criminal fraud and the serious charge of obstruction of justice -- but cleared the former media tycoon of racketeering, wire fraud and tax evasion on Friday.

The convictions mean Black, 62, faces a maximum sentence of 35 years, if served consecutively, and US$1 million in fines.

Better get the bible open to Reservations.

We're #1! We're #1

Welcome to "Toker Nation". According to the UN Office on Drugs and Crime and based on a percentage of population, Canada now has the distinction of being the number one industrialized country in the world for marijuana use.
The 2007 World Drug Report by the UN Office on Drugs and Crime says that 16.8 per cent of Canadians between the ages of 15 and 64 either smoked pot or "ingested one of its derivatives" in the last calendar year.

In your face Micronesia and Papua New Guinea!

Where's Johnny Wad #2

Yup. I'm pretty sure I can't smell my own shit.

Cross posted on Mitchieville.

Saturday, July 14, 2007

Pottahawk 2007 celebrity sightings

In previous years we have been graced by the presence of celebrities including Elvis, Old St. Nick, Bubbles and Johnny Wad.

This year's line-up was equally impressive:

Flavor Flave

Randy Macho Man Savage and Big Papa Pump

Private Sector's drummer Brian Christopher pops his Pottahawk cherry.

Then there was that Wierd Al Viking Dude

And the creme de la creme....Bigfoot

Friday, July 13, 2007

The babes of Pottahawk

Damn! Just missed the camel toe.

Is it any wonder I dropped my camera in the water?

And as always....one for the ladies....

New release for Friday the 13th

In the immortal words of Freddie Mercury, "Get on your bikes and ride!".....OK, maybe Queen isn't the best example?

How about, "Get your motor runnin'...head out on the highway..." Is that better?

Yes, today is Friday the 13th, which , if you live in Port Dover- not far from Pottahawk- it means something totally different than Jason slasher movies and superstitions. For today is the day thousands of bikers descend on your small town to party.

In recognition of this event and to get you in the mood, I recommend: Battle Axe- Burn This Town.

Not really a comforting fact is it? Especially if you live in Dover.

Wednesday, July 11, 2007

Game on!

Yippee! Now kiss her like you mean it!

Thank God! It seems after crapping a diaper full of worry my digital camera is back in working order. Simplistically put, it means there will be more Pottahawk 2007 pics posted in the near future and I'm fuckin' buying Kodak stock first thing tomorrow.

Thursday: A new game of "Where's Johnny Wad?" begins.
Friday: The babes of Pottahawk
Saturday: Celebrity sightings
Sunday: Match the body parts

Tuesday, July 10, 2007

This will have to suffice

OK, it's not 2007. This is older footage. Further more It's not even mine.

You see I had an unfortunate incident where my digital camera was introduced to urine tainted water briefly and the bells and whistles are on the blink.

The jury is still out on whether the pics can be saved....certainly hope so? Otherwise, gone are the snaps of all the hot babes, all the celeb sightings from Bigfoot to Flavor Flave, and a mighty fine breast exposure of GIGC as well. Yup, the Pottahawk Week Extravaganza I had planned has suddenly ended, in the words of T.S. Eliot, "Not with a bang but a whimper."

Boy the sponsor is going to be pissed. It was Schlitz Beer BTW, with their 2007 Pottahawk slogan: "Come on ladies....show us your Schlitz!"

Monday, July 09, 2007

Pottahawk pissup 2007

Do not adjust your set. Technical difficulties are temporary. News of this year's best day ever is forthcoming. Please stand by.

Saturday, July 07, 2007

Off to Pottahawk. See you Monday my children.

Friday, July 06, 2007

Bonus: Tasteless cartoon of the week

Since next week it's all about the best day ever- Pottahawk- I'm posting a bonus cartoon for your enjoyment. You sick bastard.

New release this week

In honour of next week being Pottahawk week, I thought I'd start you off with a little sailing music: Kjell Kraghe- Vind I Seglin. Which when translated means, "Pee next to the other guys boat."

Wednesday, July 04, 2007

Pottahawk 2007

I've noticed Pottahawk mania has started. My daily hits are slowly increasing as the boating nation searches for news of the blessed day. Most of the hits are courtesy of last year's Blogs, so I figure I better shape up and begin posting 2007 Pottahawk relevant material.

However, since this year's holy event has not yet transpired you can see my dilemma.

Perhaps with a little photoshop I could fool the wouldbe PH surfers?

It's worth a shot don't you think?

Not very imaginative, I know.

Tuesday, July 03, 2007

Blockbusters we won't be seeing .

OK this is the week Transformers hit the theatres, but here's another transformation that you won't see this summer.

Monday, July 02, 2007

Sunday, July 01, 2007

Happy moving day

Or Canada Day depending on what Province you live in- That's right! I'm looking at you Quebec.

But where ever you reside , it's good to have a break and I should be no exception here at Strangedaze.

Originally, the least I could do was to post nothing at all and give you some peace from my often inane blathering...... However, I'll go you one better and leave my rambling confined to this short passage. Enjoy the holiday.