Monday, January 08, 2007

All hail the conquering hero

Forget the football playoffs on the weekend. The Patroits, Eagles, Colts, Seahawks....fuck em all!

The real action was at the Wing Shack in Ajax for the Durham Wing Eating Regional Semi-finals, where a game that real men dare to play was unfolding. One Ball Joe, now known as The Pit, defeated all comers by posting a decisive yet, come-from-behind victory, to advance to the final on Super Bowl Sunday (Feb 4th).

You know what? GIGC likes me to cum-from-behind too sometimes.

OBJ, rated as a massive underdog going into the competition for having only one testicle in his nut sack, still managed to find a little extra gusto from his solitary raisin and slipped by his opponents with ease. He never lost his composure. He always retained his focus. It was a feat which will live on in the pages of sport history along side the accomplishments of Gretzky, Jordan, Montana and the Babe.

It was a movie of the week, a best selling biography, a triumphant feeling of eluding the police after they find you snorting coke off a hooker’s ass.

It was the type of event which left you breathless and with tears welling up in pride for having witnessed its beauty.

Masticating through his last wing— 42 in all in 10 minutes, he left behind a pile of bones reminiscent of the death and destruction at the battle of K’yer Banor and other great one-sided conquests.

After he had crushed the spirits of lesser men to desperation and despair, we took him out for a well deserved victory celebration— all you can eat shrimp at Red Lobster.

Now following a day of rest and a good dump, The Pit, with the assistance of Babosa Miyagi will begin training for perhaps the most important contest of his life.

Good Luck OBJ a.k.a. The Pit.

Wax on. wax off!

Someone cue the theme from Rocky.



They don’t have The Pit's picture up yet, but you can go look at all the wimps that will be his final competition. Just click on photos.

Crossposted on Mitchieville

2 comments:

Anonymous said...

You are right Strange....it certainly was a wonder to bestow. I really dont know where the guy puts it. We had a practice run Friday night to perfect his technic and with a little bit of coaching, he sucked those bones clean to victory!! He is in training now to expand "The Pit".....a pork roast here....a pound of pasta there. I just hope that the "Super Bowl" is able to hold the load afterwards!! We'll have to get HAZMAT involved!! God Help Me!!

Strange said...

And God help us all Babosa.