Thursday, January 31, 2008

Closer to the bone

Clifford "the Shiv" Norton: Was an early favorite to win it all, but in his last contest forgot to remove the chicken from the bone and punctured his right cheek. His injury has not fully healed and the Shiv may end up losing more wings out his cheek hole than he can swallow.

Coleman "the Zombie" Clark:
No one is sure if this guy's living or dead. Either way unless brains are on the menu, Zombie's chances are slim and none. And slim is in the back room with hookers and blow.

Ellena "Mama" Ragutzio:

Don't let her diminutive motherly appearance fool you. She can eat. She won the National Pasta Eating Championship by ingesting 22 plates of spaghetti and then hit her fellow contestants over the head with a wooden spoon for not clearing off their plates.

Plaxico "the Bone Collector" Johnson:
Who in their right mind names their kid Plaxico?....Wait.....Isn't there a wide receiver on the Giants named Plaxico Burress?.....Never mind.....Any way, the Bone Collector has as much of a chance of winning this contest as the Giants do winning the Super Bowl.

Friar Lansky: Grandson of the infamous gangster Meyer Lansky, Friar is a dangerous competitor. If he doesn't win he has friends who'll make sure he does. Once ate a bag of cement to prove his abilities- the body had to be dumped elsewhere.

Tuesday, January 29, 2008

One wing leads to another

Wasn't that a song by the Fixx?

As many of you may know, this Sunday is Super Bowl Sunday.
However, many of you may not know it is also the second annual Wing Eating Contest in Durham taking place at the beloved Wing Shack in Whitby.

Today I would like to introduce you to some of the 14 gladiators who will do battle this coming Sunday. These are the competitors the bookies are calling the long shots to even place in Sunday's wing-ding.

Billy "the mooch" Mergatroy: Known as "Heavens" to his friends, he has a voracious appetite but,suffers from narcolepsy and will probably be asleep by the 10th wing. (100-1)

Chris "the head" Beauregard: Once ate 75 wings in 4 minutes. Too bad he stuck his face into a deep-fryer to do it. He now has nightmares of the event. Expect him to freak out before the contest begins when the trays of wings are brought in. (200-1)

Delilah "the bush" Donjuanagus:
And please don't ask how she came by that nickname. Delilah, once a formidable foe who had her face tattooed with the remaining wing sauce after her victories has lost much of her wing eating potency after a bitter breakup with a fellow competitor "Wolfman" Eddie.

"Wolfman" Eddie:

No need to go into the back story here, but it could be good news for Delilah. Judges for this Sunday's event are still trying to decide if Wolfman should be disqualified for eating the knees of some homeless dude this week. (500-1)

Munroe "hairdresser" Dwiesellee: The hairdresser can eat a lot of wings- 287 wings Austin Wing-Off 2004 to be exact. Except it took him four days, and three cans of hair spray to do it.

New parenting guide lesson #1

Today Old Strange is starting a new feature to help those in need of parenting skills. What makes me qualified? Well since, at one time, I raised a rug rat in my own image, I guess I consider myself qualified.

So.....You've squeezed a small version of you out of your puffy sausage wallet and now you're being told you must take this tiny being home. Now what? They don't give you instructions, there's no "baby just spit up yam on my $500 sweater" hot line, there's no diaper fairy to magically show up and take away the foul smelling green shit now permeates the household.

You just have to deal.

Hopefully together, you and I will work through potential problems and you might be one of the successful parents who actually sees his child reach the "Terrible Twos".

We'll create our own instruction manual for new parents:

Monday, January 28, 2008

Checking in with the Japanese

I believe this is how everyone gets to work in the morning......

Sunday, January 27, 2008

Dad's desert Island record collection #4

I'm pretty sure this is an album Dad picked up on a trip to Bogota- a holiday he never spoke of, but left a strange hint of a smile at the corners of his mouth.

Friday, January 25, 2008

Return of the Pit

The game is set, the outcome hardly in question, another mindless distraction to take you five hours closer to death.

That's right children. I'm taking about another ho-hum Super Bowl between the Patriots and the Giants. Perhaps the biggest mismatch of the playoffs- David vs Goliath, Roe vs Wade, that annoying rash vs your scrotum. Use whatever analogy you want it won't change the final result. Super Bowl Sunday will be a yawn fest.

However, from the ashes, rising like a phoenix, a shadow is emerging, hope is glimmering, children are crying- the return of the Pit is imminent.

On Super Bowl Sunday, the greatest man-eating machine ever will return to the Wing Shack in Whitby to take what should have rightfully been his last year, (if not for some scag-tagged, large-breasted harlot), the Chicken Wing Eating crown.

Finally there is now a reason to scream with joy, to gape in awe at the remorseless mastication, to wake up at half time, for the Mighty Pit has returned.

Thursday, January 24, 2008

Jeudi par les nombres

10 badass moments from 10 of the wussiest characters in film.

The 5 wimpiest sports injuries of all time.

10 great wedgies.

The 10 greatest moments in toilet humour.

Yesssssssss! The 11 most absurd "Nooooooooo!" scenes from cinema.

and before you Hobbits and Wookies can lay a beating on my ass, just remember, I'm only the messenger.

Wednesday, January 23, 2008

Heath Ledger's dead.....

But you need to know where to find 50 animals with day jobs. Like "Chuckles the Cat" here.

Tuesday, January 22, 2008

The Oscar nominations were announced today

But you need to know where you can see a video of the guy with the biggest mouth in the world.

Next time a child goes missing they should look in this guy's mouth first.

Monday, January 21, 2008

It's really cold out side....

But you need to know how to make a stun gun out of a disposable camera. - Watch more free videos

Sunday, January 20, 2008

Dad's desert Island record collection #3

Is that where GIGC gets that saying from? I always thought it was sexual.

Friday, January 18, 2008

It's the Chinese New Year but.....

You need to know where you can get vagina candles to celebrate your femininity.....and gents, if you're going to get them to have sex with, please, make sure the wick isn't lit, or stick with their fine line of vagina purses.

I thought it was called a "ham wallet"?

Thursday, January 17, 2008

Some daze I got nothing to say

That's right. Today Ol' Strange has nothing to say, nothing to post, nothing to link, because I'm certainly not going to link to 1 girl 1 pitcher. Thanks unknown reader for spoiling my week.

Yet if I'm posting this, then I guess I am posting something, even if it is about my current plight in life. You see, I'm not sure if I'm just getting closer to death, or further away from any bullshit that has occurred, or perhaps both?

And by telling you that, I guess I'm saying something......oh just forget it!

Wednesday, January 16, 2008

Wednesday by the numbers

I know it's not really a numbers link, but here are the worst band names from 07 excluding Private Sector of course.

How about 8 treadmill accidents all at once?

And besides Private Sector's Tip Toe Through the Two-Twenty here are the nine most unnecessary greatest hits albums of all time.

10 things found in the human stomach.

Have a nice day.

Tuesday, January 15, 2008

The producer

If you ever wondered how someone would get two girls to participate with one cup, wonder no more. Everything is explained.

Monday, January 14, 2008

Monday morning workout

All right you fat bastards, it's almost mid January. Time to get up off you ass and gte active. Never let it be said that Ol' Strange never tried to do his part.

Sunday, January 13, 2008

Dad's desert Island record collection #2

Last night I went to see Mike Wilmot perform. Mike is easily in my top 5 comedians. Perhaps it's because we share the same sick, twisted sense of humor, but I find him one of the funniest men alive. Don't believe me? Check out a tame sample of his routine.

All this got me to thinking about Dad. I mean I only saw the man smile twice in my life. Once when he'd just shoved a brick of Camembert up my Mother's dress at a Christmas party and once when the neighbor's cat got caught in our lawn mower. However, after I found this hidden in the back of his LP collection, perhaps he just did most of his laughing in private......

Friday, January 11, 2008

Please accept my sincerest apologies

It's two days after the big "no post" and I'm still feeling a touch of the guilt. So to make it up to you I'm posting another offensive cartoon. However my friends, be aware, this is the last of the set. If I can find more for future posting, I will. Mainly because it takes no time to blog them and I'm a lazy bastard.

Thursday, January 10, 2008

It's not my fault

I believe last week I made a New Year resolution to blog everyday and here it is, not far removed from that promise, I miss a day. However, you should know it's not my fault. Not only strangedaze, but Strange himself, (note causal use of third person), has been in great upheaval. This displacement has come on many fronts: mental, physical, spiritual. Suffice it to say, I am my own worst enemy, mother-scratchers.

Give me the power to change the way I deal with the things I cannot change!

Where am I going with this? I'm not quite sure other than I needed to vent, if only in obscure details.

So thanks.

Tuesday, January 08, 2008

The Cure for a Tuesday

Here's another vid from the Sector show in November. This time it's the Cure because people kept asking, "Hey, you guys got that song? You know the one where the power went out and you had to use those flashlight thingies on your heads"......

Monday, January 07, 2008

Sunday, January 06, 2008

Dad's desert Island record collection

Having run out of "New Release" ideas, I decided to pilfer through my father's old record collection. Like an Archaeologist, many of my findings were amusing, astounding, sometimes mind blowing like this one:

I'm somewhat embarrassed that dad was deeply into the Hoff. I didn't think he was of German heritage?

Friday, January 04, 2008

A good day to self-indulge

Even if it only involves a bunch of old guys tryin' to find their groove and failing miserably.

So if you missed the Private Sector Reverb show, here is the first of many tidbits I'm sure, will show you, perhaps you made the right decision.

Thursday, January 03, 2008

Dude looks like a lady

Actually if that lady is an old lesbian then this link is appropriate.

Wednesday, January 02, 2008

Now serving 1000

There is no fanfare- other than the title- no blowing trumpets, no grand marshal leading a ticker-tape parade, simply me. This is my 1,000 post on Strangedaze a mere day or two short of three years here at my Mom & Pop Shop located on a small off-ramp by the information highway.

Why the Mayor over at Mitchieville reached this lofty peak his 1st week of existence.

I guess I should be posting something outrageous or shocking to commemorate this auspicious occasion, like 2 girls 1 cup. Something to burn into your consciousness not to mention your retinas, but that ship has already sailed.

So why is this milestone so important to me?........honestly I don't know other than it's a way to fill the gap between 999, and 1001.

You know what? Forget I mentioned it.

Tuesday, January 01, 2008

Happy newness

In actuality, today is just the day after yesterday. Really, how much has changed over night?

Yet, we all feel like we can start least until we fall back into the same old routine....sometime around mid-afternoon Friday.

Why, every year Ol' Strange sits down and writes a mission statement for the year and I've been good about attaining 50% of my goals.

Let's not discuss the much criticized idea for a bidet spa.

So, I thought perhaps I should set out some goals for the Blog as well.

1- Try to blog everyday- not in an effort to bore anyone but establish discipline for myself and maintain creativity.

2- More sexually charged blogs. Please hold your applause.

3- Try to maintain a fresh approach on regular features that have become tired and strained or, replace them with new, equally tired and strained posts.

I know that's only 3 things, but anymore and I might as well shut Strangedaze down and start a rival site to facebook called facebukkake.

So here's to the New Year and hoping you all attain the goals you set out for yourselves, or to mid-afternoon Friday....which ever comes first.

Well, there's one goal achieved.