Wednesday, January 31, 2007

It’s the breast news ever

Women of the world rejoice, the gestation of seminal fluid helps to prevent breast cancer.

so open up and say awwww!

Thank you science!

Ok.....look.....I’m not making this up. GIGC herself, told me this when she walked in the house last evening. Said she heard it on CNN, which at this time of the year, is a somewhat, semi-reputable source.

Although I failed to come up with an appropriate link, or find this story, why would GIGC lie to me? It’s not like she has to fabricate such tales in order to drain my lizard. She just says the word and I pull out all my junk until there’s spunk. That's right we're talking a little, who's your daddy? Captain of the ship, and Pimp and the Pendulum. It's that simple.

And she has never had a problem with her breasts. In fact, they have increased in size for the experience.

So, I must assume from our own experiments, with more testing to be done of course, that she is correct in collating this information: Sperm is the best thing for women next to drinking from the fountain of youth.

Seminal fluid has already been touted as good for the complexion, full of protein and purveyor of world peace. Plus frequent masturbation keeps your prostate happy.

Sperm is there anything it can’t do?

Based on what I have told you today, no longer should men have to waste their seed into a dirty sock, goat, or tissue. The new cum-dumpster has arrived.

Three cheers!




Tuesday, January 30, 2007

Monday, January 29, 2007

Eating more than a man-sized dog

There's one week remaining before the big event. No silly. Not the Super Bowl....The Wing eating Contest Finals in Whitby, where The Pit will take on all challengers for the title of Supreme Wing Eating God.

It promises to be bloodier than any UFC championship, more violent than the worst combat where only rolled up newspapers and sharp pointy sticks were used, and more jaw dropping than the time the government accidently paid you too much back on your tax return.....Ok, forget the last comparison. It never really happened, but you get the idea.

So far the field of competitors looks weak except for two, Eight Fingers Louie, (2006 Club sandwich eating champion), In fact, the man had seen more clubs than a baby seal, his eating prowess is that revered. And Juan Ricco “Santa” Sanchez who was once employed by the U.S. government to eat illegal immigrants and who will often fake out his opponents by chowing down in the nude.

This will be the first time these men have met in what many are calling The Rumble in the Small Intestine.

In preparation for this blessed event and to maintain his focus and masticating voracity, The Pit has trained hard. Yesterday it is reported he ate nine cinder blocks and rid Whitby of its homeless problem by devouring all four indigents.

Later in the week we will interview The Pit’s faithful canine companion Meatball.

Excerpts from the Meatball interview:

Interviewer: What’s the most incredible thing you’ve seen your master eat?

Meatball: Bark.

Interviewer: The Pit has never faced Eight Fingers Louie or Santa Sanchez before. If you could sum up this titanic battle in one word, what would it be?

Meatball: Ruff.

Interviewer: What kind of wings does the Pit usually enjoys when he’s not competing?

Meatball: Spicy southern Cajun style with a hint of garlic.

Remember fans, set aside Sunday, Feb 4th, to witness Whitby sports history and support The Pit.

Cross-posted @ Mitchieville.

Saturday, January 27, 2007

New release this week

This week, I fear I have pushed one too many wrong buttons. What, with the posts dealing with anal insertions and dissin’ the Christian rock fags in their Stryper T-shirts, it’s time to make amends.

So as not to further offend anyone from the Gay community, be they Christian or otherwise, I recommend Jose Angel- Christian Homosexual.

You know, give him a mustache and he's got a whole Ron Jeremy vibe going on.
I also think he's originally from Buffalo....there, did I appease everyone?

Friday, January 26, 2007

Tattoo U.

I have to say, some people take the art of tattooing way too seriously.
Meet Puff the Magic Dragon.

Here's the dragon.....

and here's Puff.


On Fridays I’ve been linking to other Blogs, but because it’s the end of the week and I feel you need a good laugh, I’m doing something different.

In fact, something I’ve never done in all my days posting on daze. I'm going to regurg-a-link.

In case you missed it I’m going to direct you back to a post from earlier in the week called, "Damn foreigners", where there are stories and pictures of people inserting various items into their inner selves. From oven mitts to octopus it’s all here.

There was one link on the page in particular, I didn’t click on the first time around even though I posted the frickin thing.

It took GIGC to bring it to my attention and I have to tell you my friends, I laughed so hard I had a diaper full.

Start your weekend off right, ">with this audio clip. You may have a mess on your hands, but you’ll thank me for it.

Thursday, January 25, 2007

Supernova more like dwarf star

Now, I know Supernova played Massey Hall last night here in Toronto. I haven’t read any reviews from that show, but I will give you my opinion on their performance.

Have you ever done anything that you regretted immediately after you did it?

Sure you have.

For me it was purchasing Supernova tickets back in August.

GIGC and I were caught up in the wake of yet another reality show, waiting anxiously to see who would be the last singer standing. However, five months removed, a mediocre album, and a questionable front man later, we found ourselves rolling down the QEW to the unholiest of holes. That’s right Buffalo, harbinger of winter’s nastiness, boarded-up, or burned-out buildings, and Topps Friendly Market.

I believe they build structures there just to board them up or burn them.

I guess since the house band from the show, (unceremoniously fired before the tour), Jason Newsted, (injured), and Panic Channel, (disinterested in cities who’s main industries are crack and guns), were not on the bill, I felt a little slighted.

Being surrounded by Christian rockers and their Stryper T-shirts didn’t help matters. Neither did the infectious dead-air between songs as Lukas constantly displayed a lack of audience interaction. The only highlight of the evening, was a disgruntled fan nearby who spent most of the set whipping Milk Duds at the band.

Besides us, our companions, and the Milk Dud guy, the only one who seemed to feel the same way we did, was guitarist Gilby Clarke, who abruptly left the stage after the final number instead of joining Tommy Lee and the boys at centre stage their much over-rated bows.

On the positive side of things, I’m glad I didn’t shell out twice as much as the suckers in Toronto to see this debacle.

I guess if I’m to have a tainted memory of this experience, I’m happy I saw it in Buffalo and not somewhere I actually enjoy visiting.

Wednesday, January 24, 2007

Damn foreigners

Today we need something egregiously rip-roaringly hilarious yet borderline, if not fully gross, depending on your perspective.

You must check out the top ten foreign objects inserted into orifices.

Why? Because it’s Hump Day and what better way to celebrate it than watching what people have humped?

Tuesday, January 23, 2007

Oscar nods

Today is usually YouTube Tuesday where I post something visual. Well, today I'll go you one better.....actually 4 better.....for you mathematicians, that's five. For those who aren't good with numbers, that's two. For those of you who never learned to read, what the fuck are you doing here?

Below are all the trailers for best picture nominations, or go here for all the buzz.

For today is not just YouTube Tuesday, it's YouTubener Tuesday.

Ok, it's an inside joke, but I assure you, those who get it are on the floor as we speak holding their bellies with laughter, tears leaking from their eyes and, god knows what else, leaking from every other orifice.

Little Miss Sunshine

The Queen


Letters From Iwo Jima

The Departed

Monday, January 22, 2007

Oakey doakey karaoke

To celebrate the passing of another year of existence for GIGC and myself, our friends took us out to sing and puke. Which would come first was anyone’s guess?

It was a great evening filled with karaoke and songs not usually heard unless you’re stranded by the roadside, with a smoking radiator, in the middle of nowhere, praying for a tow-truck, before some chainsaw-wielding maniac attacks you, and in your boredom you try to find a signal on the radio, as scraps of long-forgotten ballads interrupt the static and your constant weeping......You know? Those songs.

It was a great evening and I strongly suggest you get out and embarrass yourself this way, in the near future.

Unless your last name was Purderfiled, everyone was allowed to sing. And sing we did, several times over the course of the evening. Why even The Pit took time out from his training for the upcoming wing eating finals to partake. However, it was not until he had eaten 40 wings, eight shot glasses, and two table legs.

Here are some of the renditions I remember and if I forgot anything blame the booze:
Come Sail Away- Cartman style, Up where we belong, I believe in a thing called Love, It's still Rockin Roll to Me, Rasputin, The Distance, Little Bird, Bearcat, Keep Your Hands to Yourself, Sledgehammer, Downtown Came Uptown, and that I-ee I-ee I-ee song by Our Lady Peace, (take your pick).

Below: GIGC sings, Keeping my Cheese Dry. The duet of Trebor E-nots and The Pit sing an instrumental in front of the demon D.J. And Bob Noxious, I’m told is still shitting blood after his authentic version of Motorhead’s, Ace of Spades.

Saturday, January 20, 2007

New release this week

As not to offend anyone dead or dying , I recommend- Where Are The Dead?

But given the picture on the cover, you must be saying to yourself....Well...Duh!

Friday, January 19, 2007

Link? Wasn't he one of the Mod Squad?

First of all, what's with the Google ad for Gulf hurricane relief? Wasn't this the worst year for lack of devastation ever?.....Man, I really need a new affiliate.

It was my intention today, on Link Friday, to just throw a dart, or click next Blog, and link to the first site that came up.

After an hour and a half of tossing, I realized, there sure is a lot of boring shit out there. Screw this. So I recommend you just go to Sex Scenes at Starbucks, because at least she always has something cool to say and It's the same template as my site. It'll be like you never left.

Thursday, January 18, 2007

Kong is king

Last night I finally saw, not Peter Jackson’s, not that piece of crap remake from the 70's with Jeff Bridges and Jessica Lange ....not even the Cooper original with Fay Wray . I’m talking about the band Kong
who delivered a small acoustic set at the Roof Top Pub last night. The trio of Jordan, (keys/vocals), Justin, (guitar) & Tristan, (bass/vocals) performed Neil Young’s Sugar Mountain and a Dark Side of the Moon medley. It was the perfect sandwich around the meat of one of their originals Blind Rain.
....Oh, did I mention the bass player is my son?.....Ok I’m sue me.

Wednesday, January 17, 2007

Ad sense doesn't make any

Sense that is.....I'd also be hard pressed to show you one red dime from this program either.

I’ve had this little Google item on my Blog for about two months now. Although I don’t expect to make oodles of cash from these advertisements, I would appreciate them putting up something more symbiotic of what I post here.

I mean let’s revue some of what I’ve seen on these pages:

Send you package to Thailand quickly.....Unless they’re talking about my cock and balls why on earth would I want to send anything to Thailand?

Find a date with overweight women.....Why because the svelte ones are temporarily out of stock?

Last minute Christmas gift ideas delivered to your home in time for the holidays......Ok because I have devoted posts to Christmas, this is relevant you say?.....Not in the middle of January it isn’t!

And today's gem (top left): Pest control for mice.....What the fuck is this? How is this pertinent to what I write on this site? I suppose if I post a blog containing diapers for gorillas it will magically appear in an ad tomorrow? Besides I already have pest control for mice....It’s called a FUCKIN’ CAT!

You know, I look at Mitchieville and the Mayor has really cool ads like get your own vampire fangs and last minute vacations in sun and sand.

As I sit here shivering in the Big Smoke’s current blast of Arctic air, I think I might just click on that. I can actually envision myself laying on a beach, smiling through my new vampire fangs.

But it doesn't stop there. Many a blog I have visited have more intriguing fare than what you’ve witnessed here and something needs to be done.

Yes my friends it’s time I went hunting for a new affiliate. Something sexually stunning yet, stunningly sexual. Something to appeal to the beast within us all.

Everyone knows sex sells, and cells make up the body, plus keep dangerous criminals from escaping. It’s what Strangedaze is all about and always will be.

Ads like that would make more sense and cents.

Tuesday, January 16, 2007

Posting one for the GIGC---ipper

Go Saints! I know. This post is strickly for GIGC. Why? Because I like to make her weep with joy. I also like to make her do other things with Joy....usually while I watch.

Monday, January 15, 2007

No bottom to this Pit

The big news on the weekend wasn't the New Orleans Saints victory over the Eagles. Although, GIGC was as giddy as a school girl.....mainly because she was wearing her school girl outfit....but that’s a different story.

No my friends, the football playoffs were once again relegated to second fiddle by a mighty shadow—The Pit.

In his quest to be the best OBJ has once again shocked the competition by posting a new personal high of 48 wings in 10 minutes.

At first, he went to the Wing Shack in Whitby merely an observer of another semi-final showdown for wing eating. His mission? To stare down those brave enough to consider climbing into the ring with our remorseless wing eating machine at the contest final on Super Bowl Sunday, Feb 4th.

However, the pit felt a tiny pang of hunger growing in his tummy, a yearning, gnawing, seed of discontent in need of satisfaction and sustenance. He decided to enter yet again with the sole purpose of gratifying an empty stomach. After all, it had been nearly 45 minutes since his last meal— a prime rib roast with a cheese cake chaser.

The Pit’s performance was nothing short of spectacular.
His opponents were left to marvel at his technique, be astonished by his capacity to ingest, and checked to see if they still had all their fingers as they walked away with heads hung in defeat.

Is there a man out there with the will to snatch the championship from this man?

I think not!

Feb 4th get out and support your Pit.

cross-posted at Mitchieville

Saturday, January 13, 2007

New release this week

As to not offend the lesbian community, I recommend getting Alix Dobkin- Living With Lesbians: featuring the Lesbian Power Authority.

There are some great licks on this album, especially if you like to watch....I mean listen. It's much better than Jimmy, Fred, Cliff and friends- Orgy at the Bareback Carnival, or, Prison Past-time- Swallow Til Ya Puke, I'll tell you that much.

Friday, January 12, 2007

Here's linkin' at you kid

Last week I went for a little stroll through the Blog rolls of several sites. In my haste I skipped perhaps one of the most, informative, vivid, yet excruciatingly facetious and well written sites in the Blog community.

I’m talking of non-other than Scott’s Blog elemenohpee.

I strongly suggest you go there right now. Scott assured me he was going to post something deviously sexual today. If it’s not up, just keep clicking his site until it is. He’ll appreciate the patronage.

Ok Scott, I held up my end of the bargain. Please return my cat and my mother unharmed. I also want my parking space back at the Mitchieville Town Hall.

A day late and 250 million short/ Today's secret word is:

I didn’t post yesterday because I was too upset. Some idiot agreed to pay some other idiot 250 million dollars over five years to kick a ball in some idiot sport that rates even lower than hockey on the radar of most Americans. Or in other words idiot fans of Nascar.

I'm outraged. Although some of you might feel I'm a jealous idiot.

I couldn’t make that much coin over a lifetime, even if I lived to the ripe old age of 782, prostituted myself on weekends for extra cash, and married an aging idiot Texas oil tycoon.

So now, I guess, Mr. And Mrs. Idiot will be moving to L.A. to join a host of other affluent, non-panty wearing idiots.

Good luck imbeciles....(which is just another word for idiot.)

Today’s secret word was: Nascar

Wednesday, January 10, 2007

5 til the 6th of 24

With just 5 days left before the 6th season premiere of 24, I think it's time we all payed a visit to the Bauer count. Have you ever wanted to know how many people Jack has put out of their misery over the years and how it was done? Or perhaps you want to reacquaint yourself with the faithful departed? Whatever your poison, it's all here.

Including the unfortunate assassination of Ryan Chappelle, season 3, episode 18.

I can hear GIGC weeping from here.

Tuesday, January 09, 2007

Kobayashi!........God bless you.

Forget the frickin' chicken wings, OBJ's got a long way to go to get to this level.

In case you're still not sick

There's entire third world countries that eat less.

Monday, January 08, 2007

All hail the conquering hero

Forget the football playoffs on the weekend. The Patroits, Eagles, Colts, Seahawks....fuck em all!

The real action was at the Wing Shack in Ajax for the Durham Wing Eating Regional Semi-finals, where a game that real men dare to play was unfolding. One Ball Joe, now known as The Pit, defeated all comers by posting a decisive yet, come-from-behind victory, to advance to the final on Super Bowl Sunday (Feb 4th).

You know what? GIGC likes me to cum-from-behind too sometimes.

OBJ, rated as a massive underdog going into the competition for having only one testicle in his nut sack, still managed to find a little extra gusto from his solitary raisin and slipped by his opponents with ease. He never lost his composure. He always retained his focus. It was a feat which will live on in the pages of sport history along side the accomplishments of Gretzky, Jordan, Montana and the Babe.

It was a movie of the week, a best selling biography, a triumphant feeling of eluding the police after they find you snorting coke off a hooker’s ass.

It was the type of event which left you breathless and with tears welling up in pride for having witnessed its beauty.

Masticating through his last wing— 42 in all in 10 minutes, he left behind a pile of bones reminiscent of the death and destruction at the battle of K’yer Banor and other great one-sided conquests.

After he had crushed the spirits of lesser men to desperation and despair, we took him out for a well deserved victory celebration— all you can eat shrimp at Red Lobster.

Now following a day of rest and a good dump, The Pit, with the assistance of Babosa Miyagi will begin training for perhaps the most important contest of his life.

Good Luck OBJ a.k.a. The Pit.

Wax on. wax off!

Someone cue the theme from Rocky.

They don’t have The Pit's picture up yet, but you can go look at all the wimps that will be his final competition. Just click on photos.

Crossposted on Mitchieville

Saturday, January 06, 2007

New release this week

As to not offend those who are handicapped, I recommend you pick up Something Special from Jeff- Featuring "Through it all".

Friday, January 05, 2007

Surf's up

Today I thought I’d take the blog/link process one step further. I thought it would be cool to go to a site, look at the sidebar for the blog buddies, click on a link that interests me, lather, rinse, repeat, until I’ve had enough, run out of links, or I just get sleepy.

Maybe I’ll even leave a few comments like we’re all old buddies?

What better place to get started than Mitchieville, *comment left*, who has more links to blogs than I have hemorrhoids.

On the Mayor’s sidebar, I first had to resist temptation to go to The Limits of Respectability, because it kind-of defeats the purpose. However, I did find some of interest in name alone, Tattered bits of brain and Small dead animals to name a few, but Whimpering Jello won out. *comment left*

This led me to the Church of Joe *comment left* Who begat...Boing boing. Then I found my self Waking up on Planet X. I think I'm lost, but I left my comment anyway.

This got me to Dust my broom, thankfully a place I was familiar with. After some tea and buttered scones Darcey showed me to the Halls of Macadamia which I noticed seemed to be linked quite a lot.

From there I found myself at Boonbloggle, who doesn't blog much and smote Calgary grit, who afflicted Keegan's blog. It's getting very political now.....maybe this was a bad idea? Are there no crass assholes like myself out there?

....Getting sleepy. Must....close....eyes.

Thursday, January 04, 2007

Doing it by the numbers

Today's title could have also read, "I'm just a lazy son of a bitch", because it's just a bunch of links for your perusing pleasure.

Top 10 weapons in history.

Top 10 lamest Super Heroes. Better watch out for Matter Eater Lad and Arm Fall Off Boy.

Top 10 most dead people of 2006.

The 5 smallest countries in the world. They didn't include the communist society that live at the base of my anal passage.....ah I'm just kidding.....they don't really live there, they just visit.

Top 10 special effects in movie history.

And the top 10 opening sequences in movie history.

The 100 worst martial arts movie names. You're wondering aren't ya? If "Crouching Dooflingus, Hidden Thing-a-ma-jig" is on the list. Well don't just stand there, get clicking.

The 100 most annoying things about 2006 other than martial arts movie names. You know, I thought "Head On" would have finished higher? "Head On! Apply directly to the forehead! Head On! Apply directly to the forehead!Head On! Apply directly to the forehead!Head On! Apply directly to the forehead!Head On! Apply directly to the forehead!"

Wednesday, January 03, 2007

Hand to gland combat

A concerned health message from Strangedaze.

I was just tooling around browsing some Blogs when I stopped off at Lind's site to catch up. Besides wondering what it might be like to get a good pole-waxing from her, I was very upset to learn, during the hustle and bustle of the holidays, I missed World Orgasm Day.

But then I got to thinking, for me, everyday is kind of like World Orgasm Day anyway--- in fact, sometimes three and four times an hour.

So why do we need to designate just one day to feel good? Beats me? (oh..that was good.)

World Orgasm Day should be everyday. It's for your own health to pump the python. People would be in a much happier frame of mind if they'd just get out there and play whack a mole regularly. Just think--- no more road rage.

So gents, rub the genie for all it's worth. Ladies open up those meat curtains and expose your fluffy sausage wallet. Get the battery operated eraser out and pretend someone made a mistake on your clitoris. If you like to play Battleship so much. remember you're just one hit away from sinking the man in the boat.

Join me my brethren in this offer. Together we can do this and make World Orgasm Day, everyday.You'll not only thank me, you'll feel better from the experience.

He said his DICK, not his face you idiot!

Warning: World Orgasm Day may not be suitable for everyone. Caution should be taken when asking others to assist you in your pleasure. This offer not in conjunction with current Strangedaze offer of free sphincter bleaching.

Tuesday, January 02, 2007

Dick in a box

I realize the holidays are kaput but sometimes there's just not enough time to post everything I want to put up. Such is the case with the next YouTube, but this is the last I swear, until next year.

Monday, January 01, 2007

Giving more to aural sects

First let me start by saying, Happy New Year.
At the beginning of each year I usually sit down and write an elaborate mission statement for the coming months, while cracking open last year's statement to see how well I did with all my broken promises.

I guess it’s kind of a new year resolution. However, I won’t bore you with a message so detailed as my usual mission statement. Today I will endeavor to be much more succinct.

It was two years ago today I started to Blog, which would make it, two years ago last night the Mayor told me, "It would be a good idea if I started to blog". Of course he did this with a gun pointed at my head, as he dangled me over a tenth story balcony. But the rest, as they say, is recent history.

Now, in my two years of Blogging, some have said I’m very insensitive to other religions, cultures, and people just plain different from me. That’s not true. I thought the Da Vinci Code was an accurate depiction of Christ.....ya fag!

I mean just because I think Japanese porn is hilarious, the way the women all scream like they're inches away from death while being poked by those little tiny dicks, does that make me insensitive?

But I don’t want to be chastised and treated like Michael Richards and Mel Gibson at an all black Bar mitzvah, so I’m going to try to be more sensitive in my post selections from here on in.--- Try to cater to all sects.

I will go out of my way, In fact, to mend fences with every aspect of all the diverse members of the human race I can think of. And if I leave someone out, please let me know and I will try to include your group at some point....

Ok wait a minute.

That’s much too hard.

I should have more realistic goals don't you think?

Tell you what. I’ll set one day aside to practice what I preach and it can also serve as a confessional for all the other insensitive bile I post here on Strangedaze.

The best place I feel to demonstrate my new found goodwill toward my fellow man/woman is in Saturday's new release section. Here...let me give you an example of what you can expect.

As not to offend those who support pro-choice I recommend: The Best of Birth Control- Believe in the Pill.

You know what? I feel much better now.