-Elections are on the horizon. Just ask Belinda Stonach and Tie Domi who are already busy polling the electorate.
-It's open season for gunmen in high schools and colleges.
-George Takei has announced he will reprise his role as Sulu as long as he can grow his hair long and wear leather pants.
-And out of money, Mike Tyson has planned to return to the ring at 40. He will start a world tour of 4-round exhibition fights in an effort to reduce his debt load.
Apparently Iron Mike has squandered over 300 million during his career like he's some third world country.
What is this guy Conrad Black all of a sudden?
Road to oblivion
With a mayoral election heating up, what to do with Toronto's antiquated Gardiner expressway seems to be the main bone of contention. A report released this week offered a few alternatives. Fix it, tear it down, or build a tunnel.
Wow! it cost them how much of the tax payers money to get these answers? A million plus?
Money well spent ladies and gentlemen. Money....well....spent!
Anyone want to join me in a slow clap?
Personally I like the tunnel idea because I've already seen the artist rendition. Although, I'm not sure what side the CN Tower will be on.
As long as the lanes go both ways it has my vote. Who wouldn't like to see a little DP from the DVP?
If you hadn't died I would have killed you
A man who co-wrote the song Itsy Bitsy Teenie Weenie Yellow Polka Dot Bikini was wrongly reported as dead after the death of a man who claimed authorship.
The widow of Paul Van Valkenburgh, of Ormond Beach, Florida, said he claimed to have written the song as Paul Vance.
Rose Leroux said she had had no reason to doubt her late husband's claim to fame and was "devastated" by the news of his lie.
Shush! GIGC still believes I invented the speculum.
Who's your daddy?
Anna Nicole Smith's lawyer Howard K. Stern has revealed he is the father of her baby daughter. However, former boyfriend Larry Birkhead has also claimed his boys can swim and he's the real father.
Jesus, no wonder her son Daniel O.D.'d.
A cysting astronauts
French surgeons have performed the first operation on a person in weightless conditions. In the 10-minute procedure this week, four doctors cut out a cyst from a patient's arm aboard a free-falling aircraft.
The surgery was performed during a parabolic flight - 25 rollercoaster-like manoeuvres inside a converted Airbus A300 aircraft. Each arc recreates weightlessness for 22 seconds as the plane free-falls to the ground. The surgeons, who only operated in these 22-second windows, were held in place with harnesses and their instruments fixed by magnets inside a specially-constructed operating theatre measuring two metres by two metres.
Someone wake me when they start lancing anal boils or performing vasectomies. Now that's operating.
So much for the kosher meal
I woman gave birth on a transatlantic flight this week somewhere between London and Boston over Canadian airspace.
I wonder how she snuck that past security?
The baby was delivered by the flight crew.....
Where's a parabolic flight when you really need one?
The plane touched down in Halifax....
Where both Howard K. Stern and Larry Birkhead were waiting to fight over paternal rights no doubt.
What no ball-gags
Three masked men robbed a suburban Atlanta sex shop Wednesday after tying up the employees with black fur handcuffs and silver leg irons taken from the store shelves, police said.
Authorities said the men stole $230 from the cash register at the Starship Enterprise adult novelty store....
Is this where Sulu got the idea for the leather pants?
Smells like team spirit
Terrell Owens' attempted suicide turned out to be just an accidental overdose.
I knew it couldn't be true. Why would he deprive the sports world of such an asshole?
Early reports said T.O. had been depressed before trying to take his own life.
Tell me. What's he got to be depressed about?
-He doesn't know where to spend his millions?
Someone should introduce him to Mike Tyson.
-He can't find a decent place to park his Porsche?
May I suggest an overpass in Laval Quebec?
-He doesn't have enough dick for what seems to be too much pussy?
Someone get me Tie Domi on the phone damn it!
New release this week: Actually, I couldn't find any new releases.
Christian Crusaders with Al Davis.
It would make a swell gift for Yom Kippur.
Sorry......did you already buy the other one?