Sunday, March 30, 2008

Dad's desert island collection #12

So that's why he had the outfit?

It all makes perfect sense now.

Saturday, March 29, 2008

Drumming in the Private Sector

Ahead of Tuesday's long anticipated tour announcement, Private Sector is contemplating the addition of a new drummer. Many have come to vie for the coveted percussive post. Only a few like the following have made it to the finals.....Hmm....Do I smell a reality show in the making?

This kid even looks like Sector's Brian Christopher....minus the shaved head of course.

The current favourite to win the spot.

Thanks to Bob Noxious.

Friday, March 28, 2008

Your Friday is numbered

The 10 worst infomercials ever I know what you're saying, "Strange, why would I even want to watch 10 good infomercials?"

Trust me. Besides it's not the full, painful experience, only the stupidity you need to see.

10 movie sequels that came waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay too late.

10 funniest moments in "Dirty Talk" history.

And finally it's here. 10 Banana blow jobs.

Quick! Use the dirty talk you've learned.

Thursday, March 27, 2008

Science diet for "hairy tongue"

Yes, this is a real thing and not a gross-out urban legend. I never experienced it personally but I have found myself next to a woman, or two who did- mainly because they fell asleep with the cigarette in their mouth.

Hairy tongue is....well....It's the appearance of dark hair covering the surface of the tongue. It will look like a person lovingly cleaned the exhaust system of a decade-old 18 wheeler, with the gentle precision a mother cat applies to her own litter. This oral ashtray effect is nasty, although an attention getter. And everyone loves attention, right?

It could happen to you, too, if you're kind of a filthy person. If you'd like to give your mouth a warm fur coat for winter try these three steps: 1. Stop brushing your teeth. 2. Enjoy your coffee like Britany Spears enjoys her men. 3. Smoke; you're not getting any younger and it'll make you cool.

If you follow this strict guideline your mouth may wind up with a coat that will keep it warm through the snowy months, and will block those drafty winds when opened for a make-out session.

Your mouth is teeming with filth. It is a truly perfect swamp for the breeding and growth of bacteria and grime. If only we could lick our own genitals. Now that's Utopia.

The hairy tongue is an overgrowth of these bacteria, and sometimes yeasts that are present. Papilla, the finger-like projections from the surface of the tongue, become awash in this bacterial stew. In instances of hairy tongue the papilla often cease to shed normally, growing longer and creating more surface area for the bacteria to attach to. Thus, it grows into something that looks terrifyingly like hair and the script for any B-horror movie.

To help combat such revolting disorder, a person can brush their tongue twice a day and rinse their mouth with diluted hydrogen peroxide (one part peroxide to five parts water). As astounding as it may seem this horrendous affliction offers no immediate threat to your health. If you're experiencing it, you may have bigger problems, since hairy tongue is common in those involved with intravenous drug use, those who are HIV positive, or sadly, those who spend too much time reading Strangedaze. Put in the perspective of those problems a furry mouth seems kind of trivial.

Wednesday, March 26, 2008

Tuesday, March 25, 2008

Single guy's guide to getting up in the morning

It really says it all I think.

Monday, March 24, 2008

Children of the Cornfield

Just days before Private Sector's big announcement of a new tour Two in the Pink, One in the Stink '08, the elusive Kevin, "Wally Cornfield," Wall has been found....or rather he found us.

It was thought that he had been abducted by aliens, or perished into the wilderness many years ago like Bill Barilko and lived on now, only in legend- a mythical beast like the Bigfoot, Jesus, or the fat fireman. However, it appears the long lost member of the original Private Sector lineup is alive and well, living in Maple Ridge, B.C. and unlike Sector, is performing music chicks actually dig.

I apologize for this in advance: Must be the sax appeal.

In fact, you should visit his site and hear the voice that could bring Neil Young back from the grave.......What? Young isn't dead? I'm making a lot of faux pas this week and it's only Monday.

Sunday, March 23, 2008

Happy Yeaster

Yeast infections aren't fun and to show I care here's a great yeast site.......Easter you say?......Sorry about that.

How insensitive of me. A true Easter post should have something with a touch of the familiar, yet with surprises that bring a smile to your face.

That is why you should watch 2 girls and 1 angry German kid. I nearly shat myself with laughter over this one.

Two Girls, One Angry German Kid - Watch more free videos

Saturday, March 22, 2008

They blowed up real good

Seems to me society and technology have changed greatly over the years. In some cases making monumental leaps and bounds. Yet, there are things that never seem to progress and I have one of those items today here at Strangedaze. I give you the celebrity blow up doll.

Granted in my day they didn't have the celebrity model touting the likes Jessica Simpson, Christina Aguilera, Lindsay Lohan and J. Lo, but other than that it's the same old product. How do I know this? Well my friends, I am not ashamed to say I owned one. Her name was Wonda and she was the Private Sector prop for an original song performed fifth in the second set. Every night we trotted her out as the main visual segue into the song known as "In Love with a Stranger."
We proudly noted her life-like hair, her ability to gaze longingly into your eyes with out blinking and her three! count'em THREE! tunnels of love.

Given the audience reaction she was more of a celerity than the mounds of cheap
plastic displayed at the link. Come on! Does the doll with the moniker "J. Ho" look like J. Lo to you?.....OK other than the ass. I've seen more realistic meat curtains in a butcher shop.

You'd think with the amount of full frontal nudity Hollywood is pitching our way with mainstream actors baring all, someone could reconstruct a decent facsimile of the product they're selling. It's not like I'm asking you to mask that new plastic smell, just give the poor sods in the dark shades and overcoats what they paid for.

Friday, March 21, 2008

Good Friday on the links

Good Friday; a day off for most people, but not at Strangedaze. No sirree! I lose a day, I lose the possibility of meeting my crap quotient for the week.

It doesn't mean it has to be a post I put much thought into, or spend a heap of time throwing together. It could be a link to another site and then my work is done So....

Given the nature of the day, and since we haven't checked in with this site for a while; I give you Jesus of the week.

Good Friday Bonus: Jesus- The Musical

Thursday, March 20, 2008

Thursday science diet

Perhaps this would have been a more appropriate post last week? Yet, after yesterday, it's still a good segue.

Today we will look together at the scientific reasoning behind the perma boner or Priapism as it is known in some circles.

This is what they're talking about on those Cialis commercials (" ... if your erection lasts more than four hours, consult a physician ... "). It is the dreaded prolonged male erection, keeping in mind that an educated man's dread is an imbecile's unanswered prayer.

Priapism is not only a penis that is unable to return to a flaccid state, but it's also described as a very painful erection. And we're not talking about emotionally painful, either.

The medical community is divided on how much time should constitute a case of priapism, but most have settled on six hours, although a person should seek medical attention after four (as the commercials say). This all occurs in the absence of any sexual stimulus, however if you are in possession of enough material to keep it up for almost a quarter of a day's time you should look in to some new hobbies.

Thankfully episodes of priapism are not common in the real world; most incidents confined to the professionally edited fantasy realms of pornography. "Hey lady, where do you want your wall paper....*splat...splat...splat....splat*....What's that? Your friend wants paste too?"

Unfortunately cases are more common in men who are suffering from other diseases, such as sickle cell anemia, that prevent blood from flowing back out of said boner.

Although not every facet of the disorder is known, scientists are sure all cases happen from injury or damage to the mechanism that produces detumescence of the penis. Detumescence is a fancy word for relaxation of the penis after orgasm, and is usually accompanied by greater clarity in reasoning, maybe remorse, or chewing one's arm off at the bone depending on who or what you find it inside of when your penis finally relaxes.

This horrible situation sounded awesome to crotchety old men with erectile dysfunction, and a pill was invented to cater to their elderly lust. This created the second most common group to suffer from priapsm, and the easiest go-to joke for hacky stand up comics. "A four hour erection? I ain't callin' a doctor, I'm gonna call a hooker!" Other punch lines include "call the 6 o'clock news" and "call my old girlfriends." All of which you would never call in reality because you'd be frightened and in excruciating pain.

Aside from the aforementioned blood disease and Cialis overdose, priapism can be caused by some sort of trauma-like spinal damage, drug/alcohol abuse, or even black widow spider bites. You've probably never heard that last one, we're guessing because the medical community doesn't want to drive a huge increase in black widow sales to men who just can't wrap their heads around the idea that a six-hour boner is actually a bad thing.

Now if you'll excuse me, I'm off to the Exotic Pet Shop.

Wednesday, March 19, 2008

The single guy's guide to ironing

It's been quite some time since Ol' Strange has been on the market as a single commodity, but when I was, I often found my love lair in constant disarray. With places to hide stuff quickly filled, I had to learn menial tasks in order to not offend those of the opposite gender when I was lucky enough to trap/ ensnare/ tie them down and cut off any chance for escape.

I would save you the same pain my single brothers by teaching you what I was never lucky enough to learn. Thus I am launching a series of, "how to..." for the single guy.

We start today with: Ironing.

Tuesday, March 18, 2008

Pay attention

It's the day after the green beer and the greener puke. You may be feeling a little off, but that's OK. This post is not intended to make you feel worse than you already do. However, regardless of how you feel I can guarantee one thing; you will watch this twice.

Awareness Test - Watch more free videos

Monday, March 17, 2008

Start the week off by the numbers

16 cool building demolitions.

6 structures that resemble the Death Star. Don't know why some of them were not included in the demolition link?

In honor of St. Patty's Day the 7 best bench clearing brawls.

Just 1, but it's the best fight scene ever and I laugh my ass off every time I see it.

8 upcoming movies adaptations that must be stopped. PLEASE!

10 movies that must be made instead. PLEASE!

Sunday, March 16, 2008

Dad's desert island collection #10

Some days I feel uneasy when I search through Dad's record collection. Let me say, today is one of those days.

Saturday, March 15, 2008

Maybe you do know Dick

After this week you should have a better understanding, what the attraction is for the male member. In fact today I propose a little test to see if you do know Dick. Here is a link to pictures of famous Dicks. Can you name them all?

And just remember: "If you have to be a dick, be a famous dick."

Friday, March 14, 2008

Is it really a laughing matter?

I've gone over this week's material and I tells ya....I'm no nearer to figuring out the attraction of man's eleventh finger when it comes to women. It wouldn't have anything to do with history, nor religious icons. Not even the subliminal aspects can convince me they're to blame.

Hell, the closet post would have to be Wednesday's Donkey Punch and that's so far off the mark you won't see it on any penis map.

Perhaps it's simply the maternal instinct? "Impregnate me now mother-scratcher! I'll even go down on you just this once."

Then I got to thinking, it must be a humour issue. As a gender we are a funny lot- cracking jokes; doing stupid things; always slipping in sexual innuendo that ends up leading you to Scrotal University.

That must be it. I've got a friend who's a comedian and he gets laid all the time....even in his sleep. The fact that he has an oversized shlong has nothing to do with it.....right?

So today, let's explore Dick Jokes and see where that leads us.

On second thought, never mind.

Thursday, March 13, 2008

Subliminal or sublime?

Sorry about yesterday's interruption, but time is a precious commodity and something I seem to have little of these days.

I understand everyone wants to get to the bottom of the unwritten fascination with the penis and we still have a lot of ground to cover.

Today I'm exploring the subliminal messages in media involving erotica. Most notably the penis. If you've seen Fight Club you'll have an idea what I mean.

Dear Strange:

I recently came across a book by researcher Wilson Bryan Key in which he claims to find subliminal images of sex, death, and the occult stuck into photos in print advertisements. They range from screaming skulls airbrushed into ice cubes to an orgy depicted in a plate of fried clams. My major impression is that Key is a crackpot (he can find the letters S-E-X spelled out anywhere there are squiggly lines), but some of his findings seem a little too real to be coincidental. What's the truth, Strange? Do advertisers really hide these images (while denying all, of course), or does Key just have an active imagination? --Jay P., Chicago

Who the hell is Wilson Bryan Key? First order of business Jay: Don't believe what you reed from anyone with three names. In fact I would suggest, you probably stop singing The Star Spangled Banner as well.

Secondly: Have you not been paying attention? This week it's about the penis only and therefore the penis in subliminal messages like the still from The Little Mermaid you see here; a movie you probably took your four year old daughter to see and now wonder why she parks for hours on end next to the park on my street with her pimply-faced boyfriend before upchucking life's precious goo onto the asphalt to mix with the road salt.

Disney is notorious for placing subliminal erotica in their animation all because that self-absorbed, asshole Walt wouldn't give his animators credit any where.

The lesson learned: Always reward your employees for a job well done.

But now I'm out of the precious time I referred to earlier and I'm no nearer to stating the point of my original intention- thanks a bunch Jay!

If you still need to learn more about Subliminal Messages you can try to pick up a copy of Private Sector's, Silent Sorrow in Empty Boats with the song Subliminal Messages on it.

It's now considered a collector's item.......collecting dust that is.

Wednesday, March 12, 2008

Straying from the beaten path

With all the blockbusters slated for release this Summer, there's only one you'll want to see for sure.....Donkey Punch.

Watching it here on Strangedaze I found myself tossing money at the computer screen.

Tuesday, March 11, 2008

The pen-is mighty

Today I will link you to the phallic importance, not impotence, in religion.

Now sure I guess I could have snagged a bit of the article and posted it here, but unless I'm dissing it, religion gives me the heebeegeebees, or the Robin Gibbless Bee Gees if you prefer.......really doesn't matter. I don't like religion and it's cause of most of the worlds conflict.

Yes I'm sure there have been a fair share of dicks, cocks, what-have-you, that have caused many a heart to ache, a needless death or two, and a sudden urge to pick up scissors, but it's apples and oranges and....oh just go to the link already.

Monday, March 10, 2008


First, if we're going to take an in depth look at the penis, the one-eyed trouser snake, the pocket python, the skin bus fresh from tuna town, then we should start by observing the artistic importance of the phallus through the centuries.

"...the artistic evidence implies that over-large genitals were considered aesthetically unpleasing by the Greeks and Romans....the ideal type of male beauty epitomised in classical sculpture, Greek and Roman, normally depicts genitals of somewhat less than average size...certainly never more. Consequently, the exaggerated genitals of Priapus (right) made him seem an ugly and grotesque figure, though benevolent.

It has also been pointed out that many of these images are of athletes, and during and immediately after hard exercise (and not only in cold water) the penis is considerably shrunk and the testicles hoist high. *cough* steroids! This also affords a commonsense explanation for the apparently phimosed appearance of the foreskins in classical statuary and vase painting.

Somehow I get the feeling by the end of the week I'll have seen more cock than Tracy Lords.

We should never assume that the Greeks, Romans and Etruscans considered images of penises as we do. They used them on amulets to ward off the evil eye, -a lot of good that did the poor guy in the car from Sunday's post- with no more thought for sexuality than we consider crossed fingers to be a Christian symbol.

So the small penises shown on ordinary mortals may have been no more than a convention, to distinguish them from fertility figures such as satyrs and Priapus - which were much more significant in an age when the fertility of plants, beasts and people could not be taken for granted or brought under human control by material means.

Sunday, March 09, 2008

What else blows besides Winter?

Well I'll tell you. GIGC and I recently moved into a palatial estate east of the city. It is a wondrous isolated domicile with expansive pines reaching skyward along the backyard and the sprawling landscape of a park with gentle winding trails across the street.

In the winter when you look out from the sliding doors over the deck, by the kitchen, it is quite stunning and gives one the feeling of privacy and seclusion.

However, because it offers such hermetic aesthetics, from time to time a vehicle will park across the road and sit, sometimes, for hours.

Recently, on one such occasion, I noticed only a single occupant on the passenger side of the recent model Kia Portage, yet an ominous bobbing shadow moved from the lap area of the lone figure. Quickly I called GIGC to my side and commented that perhaps we were, "in the presence of the pleasures of sweet fellatio."

No sooner had my lips returned from their previous O shape, did the driver side door open and a young female- ponytail still being clutched firmly by her willing participant- leaned out and spat half the population of North Korea all over the road before returning to an upright position and closing the door.

My first thought was to race across the yard, hop the fence armed with swab and plastic container to collect samples, alla CSI, to scare the little bastards off, but GIGC and I had more pressing concerns to address.....

Such as:

Why take a shot in the mouth if you were just going to waste it?

Was she told the heinous lie of all lies, "I promise not to cum in your mouth"?

Even so, like a soldier dispatched to Afghanistan she must have been aware of the dangers lurking near by- a roadside bomb waiting to go off. Yet bravely she threw her head on the weapon anyway.

Let me say, as I guy, I love my John Thomas. You might say we're pretty good buddies and hang together when ever we can. GIGC is also a friend and spends a great deal of time with him as well, but......the women who will engage the enemy orally even when they consider it a homeless busker dude begging for spare change.....they, are a rare breed indeed.

That is why I'm devoting this week to the magnetic wonders of the penis. I'll try to understand why even the most timid of the female species and certain factions of the male gender are drawn to its facination, its self centredness, its malevolence, like moths to the flame.

The one true God.

Saturday, March 08, 2008

Strangedaze springs forward

Don't forget to set your clocks ahead. As a show of good faith I'm presenting tomorrow's post today.

Dad's desert island records #10

From time to time I'll look through the vast collection that is Dad's LPs and find something very disturbing. I guess this next selection would fit into that category.

McLovin mouthful

It's too late now. I might as well just go crazy with posts, but I'm owed a day off down the line.

This next post combines the two previous posts (McLovin & Death), with one of my favorite passions- tea-bagging!

Why, I've had many a hearty chuckle over the years, at the expense of another as I deftly maneuvered my scrotum into the unsuspecting mouth of a lover.

As for the death, I just hope those dudes were in Sarpourenx, France when it happened.

No dying on my watch

Two fuckin' posts in one day? So much for the reputation of fuckin' lazy bastard. However, I saw this fucked-up story and thought, "What the fuck?" (sorry- See McLovin spoonful post from earlier today.)

There seems to be a few villages in France, Sarpourenx being one, that have outlawed dying. Damn French! They give the world fries, lacy underwear and the words, "Huh-huh!" and they think they can do whatever they please.

The mayor of the French village has issued a decree banning residents from dying in his territory unless they own a spot in the overcrowded cemetery.

That's right. If you want to live forever go there and under no circumstances purchase a burial plot. Voila! Immortality is yours my brother/ sister/ mollusk.

It is forbidden for any person not having a plot in the cemetery ... to die on the territory of the village," the mayor wrote in a decree that warned of "severe punishment" for offenders.

Like what? Death?

"The first dead person to come along, I'll send him to the state's representative," he said.

Yeah, that's a much worse punishment. Say, why don't we get all Dirty Harry on their ass and kill all the villagers? See how they deal with that one.

Lalane said he had been inspired by the mayor of another French village, Cugnaux, who had also outlawed death as a protest last year.

You know, I think I have an idea for Mitchieville's current over population problem. "Hello, Mayor?"

McLovin Spoonful

Once in a while I like to post the short versions of your favorite films. 1) It touches my heart to hear the word "fuck" so much in such a short time frame. It's like a Red Bull of profanity. The rest of the day I'm usually in a pretty good mood telling everyone and their mother- which includes my mother- to "fuck-off".

2) Some days I'm just a lazy bastard and want something quick to post so I can get back to the real task at hand- downloading porn. As you can see by my blog this week, I've been an extremely lazy bastard. In fact, by yapping so much right now I'm in danger of ruining that

Here is Super Bad the short version.

Friday, March 07, 2008

A good old fashion Friday food fight

And...Yes, I am fond of alliteration.

Don't they know there are people starving around the world?

Thursday, March 06, 2008

Shiver me timbers

Today I am starting a new feature called Science Diet where I will scour the Internet, pear under every byte of information, and digest the seedy underbelly of every worthless Blog/Site/News group there is to find explanations to the most sought after questions in the universe.

All, I'm sure, will eventually lead you to the meaning of life and the realization that Mommy and Daddy never took your pet Winky to live on a Hamster Farm.

That said, today I start with revealing what causes the unexplained body phenomenon known as the "piss shivers".

Piss Shivers defined:

Commonly known as the "Pee Shakes", "Shimmies", or if you're an adult, the "Piss Shivers." It's a tingling sensation down the spine which causes an involuntary twitch. Also it is the best excuse to use if you happen to piss on your urinal neighbor's shoes while drunk.

The uncontrollable shaking is similar to the prolonged shivering someone experiences when very cold, however others have reported it feels like a miniature orgasm. Researchers have since decided to keep golden shower enthusiasts out of their surveys.

According to research, 83 percent of males say they've experienced this, but only 58 percent of females have gotten the shivers--probably the whole "standing vs. sitting" thing.

Piss Shivers- The cause:

Inadequate government funding toward piss-related mysteries has lead to several "educated guesses" as to why the shaking occurs. Some have offered a highly technical and uninteresting explanation involving changes in the nervous system when the bladder is relaxed.

The simplest explanation, though, is that the rapid release of warm fluid lowers the body's overall temperature leaving it to react the same way you would in a cold breeze. Why you don't shake when vomiting or giving blood was not answered, because those particular researchers apparently decided they had thought about it long enough.....

.....and Winky is not on a Hamster Farm.

Wednesday, March 05, 2008

Snow day by the numbers

It's another snow day here at Strangedaze and if you find yourself in the same kettle of squid, you're going to have time on your me.

So here are some time consuming numbers while we wait to thaw out.

Since today you may be skipping work....again.....perhaps it's time to look at 100 things you should never say in a job interview.

My faves:

12. "When I get nervous in interviews, I like to picture the other person naked, with my junk in their mouth."

26. "Is that a picture of your family? Your wife's uterus must be totally blown out."

57. "When I said a retard could do this job, of course I meant a highly functioning retard."

10 Ridiculous sex scenes
which is all a matter of opinion because I think some of them are the best sex scenes ever....Pink Flamingos, Team America......nuff said.

THIS! IS! THE!...The top 20 over the top performances ever. Khan!.... Kahn!.....Kahn!

5 books that can actually make you stupider. I guess my blog wouldn't count.......

Top 10 white guys with afros.

10 great bitch slaps.

OK that's a good hour and a half waisted.

Tuesday, March 04, 2008

Cart blanche

Ever wonder how those abandoned shopping carts get back to the grocery stores? I'm glad you asked.

Monday, March 03, 2008

Bird's eye view

Ho-hum. Monday. You've tried everything to motivate yourself for this first day of the week, but nothing works anymore. The coffee's lost it's kick, the weather doesn't help, and the news of Jeff Healy losing his battle with cancer just bums you out even more.

Well, my friends....Strange is here to help. I have two words for you: Erotic Falconry.

If that doesn't help you jump start the day, then I don't know what will......

Sunday, March 02, 2008

Dad's desert island collection #9

I always thought Dad was a Walter Ostanek kind of guy so imagine my surprise when I found Big Joe in the Polka section instead. He even had the Big Joe Polka Show first album, "Polka in the Front,Liquor in the Rear".

Saturday, March 01, 2008