Yes, you are soon to be bombarded with new television shows vying for your patronage. Some will swim- barely, some will sink into the dark abyss of oblivion and some will actually succeed.
Here at Strangedaze, we are no different from the major networks. We too must survive on the almighty advertising dollar and thus have to present a fall lineup of our own that we feel will earn your repeat visit.
First our offerings for Reality TV.
E-True Pottahawk Stories: Why wait until next year when you can have your Pottahawk every week as the debauchery knows no bounds and the craziness surpasses the limits, making even the hardened Crack-Whore blush. Bubbles from The Trailer Park Boys: Hosts.
Prediction: If the hits I got last month are any indication this show should be around for sometime.
Wednesdays @(9:00 PM)
Survivor "The Shwa": You think being stranded on a tropical island with nothing but a bunch of tribe mates and coconuts is hard? Try to Outwit, Outlast, Outplay your fellow contestants in Oshawa. Dabney Coleman hosts this hour long adventure.
Prediction: Although the network has only committed to one season, plans are already in the works for Survivor: "The Jane Finch Corridor", Survivor: "Parkdale" and Survivor "Brampton".
Thursdays @ (9:00 PM)
Dickie Helps: Move over Mike Holmes! With the success of home improvement shows it only stood to reason that Strangedaze would launch a similar program. Say hello to "Dickie Helps". Every week Dickie helps people correct drastic problems in their homes by identifying the shoddy workmanship, going home to do research on the resolution and getting back to the homeowner eight months later with the solution.
Prediction: Competition is heavy in this time slot. If Dickie helps himself into another season it will depend on viewers tuning in.
Saturdays @ (6:30 PM)
On the Drama front
C.S.I. Whitby: Jason Alexander returns in a serious roll as the Lab's director Morton Gibbs. He is joined by Honey Starwell- Lindsay Lohan, Jerimiah Jacobs- Nick Lachay, Pauline Preston-Reba McEntire and Omar Smith- Ron Glass.
Prediction: Sorry Jerry Bruckheimer, this franchise has been spread too thin. I don't see how the viewers will support another C.S.I.
Fridays @ (9:00 PM)
The Golden Mitchums: The Sopranos is a hard act to follow, but the Golden Mitchums are up to the task as TV's newest crime family. Burt Young of Rocky fame stars as the family's crime boss.
Prediction: Audiences may be Sopranoed out, but then again perhaps the Golden Mitchums will make an offer they can't refuse?
Wednesdays @ (10:00PM)
Gilligan's Eyelid: This futuristic drama borrows from "The Fantastic Voyage" as every week the special medical team at Gilligan General Hospital is shrunk and inserted into the tear duct of a critically ill patient. In their ship "the Eyelid" they try and eradicate the various diseases.
Prediction: Other than Anna Kournikova in her first dramatic role as the teams genital specialist Dr. Tatsiana Braslesski, I don't see what there is to look at.
I give it til "sweeps".
Mondays @ (10:00PM)
What's Mom Talking About?
Wheel of Fortune meets $100,000 Pyramid is the best way to describe the newest brainstorm from Merv Griffin back from the grave. Every week contestants will be given a topic and then will have a limited time to guess "What's Mom Talking About?" and how it relates to the original subject.
Example: Topic- Racial Tensions
Clues: "I went to Walmart"
"I bought that dessert...oh what was it? Oh it was delicious!"
"It comes in a wee squishy box, I once ate it with a knife"
Answer: Black Forest Cake!
You see how that works?.....Neither do I really.
Mom, an elderly Scottish woman, will do her best to stump the panel and make sure they don't reach "The Mystery Hoop-la of Pain" where the real money is made.
Prediction: This show is too hard to play, won't last the month.
Monday to Friday (3:00 PM)
What Would Hitler Do?: Is set up like a Jeopardy-type game show where three contestants will answer questions from six categories like "Home and Garden", "Automobile Resale", "Choosing a Travel Agent" and answer with the response "Hitler would...."
Prediction: This show is expected to get cancelled as the answer to most questions on the show is: "Build a master race and annihilate all Jews."
Tuesdays @ (8:00 PM)
Everyone loves Comedy
That's Just Dina: Courtney Cox returns to the small screen as Dina- a Mr. Magooish type woman who has limited senses of sight, hearing and smell. Also staring Cory Haim, Puss the wonder Kitten, Alan Thicke and Bea Arthur as "Mum".
Prediction: With the right ensemble cast and excellent writing, this sitcom could go far. We'll have to see how viewers respond.
Mondays @ (8:00 PM)
Oh That Joe: Originally titled, "A Steaming Cup of Joe", the producers felt the title was too harsh for Joe played by Liev Schreiber- a lovable drunk who builds stuff and who has to deal with odd-ball customers , friends and neighbors. Look for a cross-over with "That's Just Dina" early in the season.
Prediction: The numbers were good for the pilot episode: "Joe Builds a Portable" and there's no reason to think this show won't be successful especially following "That's Just Dina" on Mondays.
Mondays @ (8:30 PM)
The Screaming Trudeaus: Think Desperate Housewives for guys and you have the Screaming Trudeaus- five brothers who all live on the same street and bicker over infidelity, drugs and who's turn it is to B.B.Q. Starring James Brolin, Josh Brolin and a bunch of Baldwins.
Prediction: I guess they're hoping for a niche audience like "Big Love", but more than likely this is a sinker.
Tuesdays @ (10:00 PM)
Meet the Bukkakes: Originally titled, "The 20 Horsemen of the Bukkakalypse", the show was streamlined to appeal to a wider audience. The premise? An Asian family of 20, moves into a conservative neighborhood and hilarity ensues. Don't invite the Bukkakes over for diner because they'll keep coming and coming and coming. Stars Jet Li, John Goodman, and the ghost of Pat Morita.
Prediction: After a while all the episodes start to look the same. Don't know if this show has longevity.
Thursdays @ (8:00 PM)