Good Night and Good Luck

Today is the first in a five part exploration of the films nominated for best picture at this year's Oscars.

I must tell you I sat down to watch this movie and when it started I noticed there was something wrong with the theatre's screen. It seemed to be devoid of colour. That’s right the movie was running in black and white. So I went out to bring this to the attention of the powers that be and register my complaint.

When I approached the manager about this gross miscarriage of modern day cinema, he informed me, "Sir the movie was filmed in black and white. There’s nothing we can do."

I told him, if he thought I was going to spend serious cash to come to the theatre and munch on overpriced-popcorn, my movie better be in colour. End of story.

After much bickering, and haggling, refunds were offered, apologies accepted, and discounted coupons were presented.

Since the movie was no longer costing me anything I decided to go back in to watch the film. However, all the talk about over-priced popcorn had made me hungry and I felt a trip to the snack bar was inevitable. Plus I had the coupons.

The line was so frickin’ long, and people were buying so much shit, you’d have sworn only Ethiopians went to movies.

After finally getting my snacks I once again sought out the manager. Between vacuous pulls on the straw in my jumbo sized soda, I lodged my anguish over the wait for sustenance. He again offered up apologies in a subservient manner. Within twenty minutes of his grovelling I was satisfied and on my way back to my seat.

But suddenly, I felt an urgent 911 from a bladder in desperate need of evacuating the 2 litres of diet Sprite that had found it’s way into my system. It was pounding me into submission. I needed relief damn it!

You ever have one of those long pees? Urination that not only allowed you to write your name in the snow, but the names of your entire friend base? (Look, just pretend you have a lot of friends.) It goes on so long in fact, you’d swear someone must have shoved a garden hose up your ass running full force.

Let’s just say, by the time I was finished, so was the movie.

I heard it was pretty good except for the black and white thing.

I give it 3 I liked its out of 5.

Tomorrow: Brokeback Mountain