Another five days

So this week marked the 28th anniversary of the death of the King, Elvis that is, (Elvis, Hey king!)....boy, do I ever feel old.

Also, Slick Willie (Bill Clinton), is releasing an album of his favorite songs...just stick the knife in now and give it a twist.

Tommy Lee goes to college? No one informed me...shit, do I ever feel stupid.

Something happened between Madonna and a horse, on her birthday no less, which is all the information I need....really....I don’t want any details to know what went on there...gawd, do I feel sexually inadequate.

Did you know that Leonard Cohen is broke? Yup it’s true. Apparently drugs cost more than I thought. An Icon like that has no money?...Je-sus, do I feel destitute.

Oakland Raider, Randy Moss said in an interview, he has smoked pot, and still does once in a blue moon. Guess what people? Next month there will be a blue moon....Hey Mr. Cohen....Randy’s got some.

At least we know Randy won’t be smoking that fine B.C. skunk weed, since the police will soon be sealing the tunnel constructed between us and our U.S. pot heads. We should be keeping that fine shit here in our country anyway....geesh, am I ever stoned.

A new study says that chocolate does not contain the health benefits they first thought, unless you consider high levels of fat healthy. Another study says that women really crave the average guy as a suitable partner in a relationship over their chiseled hunk counterparts. If that’s so, where are the long lines at my door?...Damn, I feel like I have a small penis, I think I’ll eat some chocolate.

Hey the grand old lady by the lake turns128 this week. No, I’m not talking about Hazel McCallian the Mayor of Mississauga, I’m referring to the CNE. This year the attractions are the best ever. We’re talking the Tilt-a-whirl, Tiny Tom Donuts and a Butter Sculpture...Oooo doggy! Where do I get my tickets?...If only I could borrow a few bucks from Leonard Cohen.

Finally how about that freakin’ weather? I have never seen lightning like that outside of a "B" horror flick. I have seldom driven through horizontal rain while I maneuvered my vehicle through pools of waist-high water on the 401, and the last time they recorded hail that size was in Colorado and they named a city after it, (Back me up Sex). They even had to close the DVP due to the Don River overflowing and flooding the lower half of a major Toronto artery. I think I need to have a little talk with Gyler.

Helful factoid #6: Never go "all in," on a 7, 2 off-suit.