You know when the best news that you can come up with is that your friend Dickie Sanchez is turning forty this week you’re in trouble. But that’s all I got people. Oh, there are a few other incidents that rate mention such as: You know Benifer, and Bradjolina, now meet Tomatie, as in Tom Cruise is now dating Katie Holmes (Yawn). You know what? Fuck the link.
Dateline- South-west Bumfuck: There was a guy this week, who went to a Burger King drive thru to get some fries. When informed that BK had run out, the guy went ballistic and tried to run down several employees as they exited the building. The police were called and the yokel was taken into custody, but not before he kicked out the back window of the cruiser.
He’s been charged, fined, and is spending a pleasant 45 days in jail for his conduct. All over frickin’ french fries. Good thing they didn’t tell him they’d also run out of ketchup.
Dateline- Hamburg, Germany: Toads are mysteriously exploding . The carnage is somewhat akin to a John Carpenter film. There are guts everywhere, in the parks, in the streets, even on the Straussengarterdenflinglingenstrussen. It's bad. Go here if you think I'm on acid.
Dateline- North-east Bumfuck: A survey released this week stated that couch-potatoes who watch their favorite players in things such as golf, or basketball, can learn to implement some of their heros moves just by viewing. I find it hard to believe, that 250 lb Bubba, with cheese and gravy stains on his wife-beater, would be able to make that last minute jump-shot from outside the line. But who am I to judge? Hey, I wonder if they conducted the same experiment while watching porn? Perhaps I can learn to cum like Peter North?
Dateline- Some freaky-deeky Dutch country: Probably the same scientists from the TV thing, released a study that found sperm was mutating and becoming ineffective at regenerating the female of the species. This was concluded, given the record number of boys now being born. Since there are currently 33 million more women on this planet I’d say I’m good. Not that I have to worry anyway. I’ve been seedless with 2% less pulp for 3 years now.
Dateline- Los Angeles: Is it just me, or does Debbie Rowe look alot like Ian Faith, the manager of Spinal Tap?
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