Week part 1

Whew! What a busy freakin’ week. In fact I think I’m going to have to do this in two parts. Hold on to you balls my friends, we have much ground to cover.

Let’s start with the 31 fires caused by those damn kids playin’ with fireworks on Monday. Get a summer Job you morons! What’s this world coming too? This isn't Cheektowaga. When I was young, we just blew our hands off with a cherry bomb and that was the end of it.

I was intrigued by the guy they found wandering around England. He had no identification, and couldn’t speak, but when he sat at a piano he was like some sort of classical Mozart playin’ kind-a-guy. Turns out this wretch used to be a street performer before he went missing. They got his name, life history, PIN numbers, everything, from a mime who used to work with the poor sod.
All I kept thinking, when I heard this was, "Holy Fuck! That mime must be brilliant!" They got all that info from his actions?

Did you know that we are obsessed with email. So much so, that we do it at least 3 times a day, or more than the average male masturbates. All I can say is thank Christ I’m not the average male we’d be on the computer all day.

Speaking of, can I do it til I need glasses, apparently Viagra is suspected to cause blindness in some cases. That would explain all the ugly chicks I keep waking up with.

Cyber-punks are now holding your computer files for ransom. Yuppers, it’s true. They hack in, encode it, and then you have to pay the little bastards to get the encryption. I don’t know about you, but I’d be pissed if I couldn’t access all my porn.