The horror....the horror

Where to start? Let’s see...Monday in Chilliwack B.C. Two goat heads were found on a bench outside a high school. Locals feared they were being besieged by a demonic cult and quickly raised the alarm. Turns out, one of the highschool kids who worked at a downtown butcher shop, thought it would be cool to take the goat heads home and mount them on his wall. Halfway to his destination he changed his mind and left the decapitated offerings on the bench in front of the school. He figured the janitor or school cafeteria would find them and dispose of them in a way they saw fit....(look out segue dead ahead!).... Speaking of goat’s head soup, the Rolling Stones announced they would be starting a new tour in September and will probably be kicking it off in Toronto where they will be rehearsing yet again. Every time I start to feel old, I just look at these guys and then I feel an insane urge to go out and buy a Shar Pei. It is rumored that a butt-double was used for Jessica Simpson in the new Dukes of Hazzard movie, because her ass wasn’t round enough....who the fuck cares? Oh...I guess I do. I just wrote about it. Earlier this week a transport trailer carrying beer overturned on the highway here in T.O., in the peek of rush hour, causing traffic chaos, and sending thousands of innocent beers to their death. In fact, 26 skids of the beverage were destroyed in the unfortunate accident. That’s 26,000 cases of beer. Enough to last the average man 84 years of drinkin’, or in other words, beer for everyday of Charlie Watts’ life. (He is that old now isn’t he?) From the department of useless studies, this week they released proof that Gay men’s brains react to smells the same way heterosexual women do. Wow! Who the fuck cares? Oh...I guess I do. I just wrote about it. Finally, I ask you, "Is nothing sacred?" On a week where Monty Python’s theatrical version of "Spamalot" picked up 14 nominations, the Canadian Department of Tourism announced that they were doing away with the tired old images of the 3M’s, (Mounties, mountains and moose), in an effort to entice people north of the 49th parallel. "Too stereotypical," they said, "too demeaning," "too....too Canadian! Damn it!" The images will be replaced in the future by those of igloos, hockey and beer.