Wednesday, December 14, 2005

The do-do of women's don'ts

Guys, I understand women can be difficult to buy for....ok...impossible to buy for, but as long as you remember the following don'ts, you should be all right and even make it through Christmas with your testicles in tact.

The worst women's gifts:

1. Anything she needs instead of wants.

Just because she needs new running shoes, hand lotion, or a frying pan, or tires for her car, isn’t your invitation to replace it. They may think it's sweet that you were listening, but that said, women never swoon over practical gifts.

"I always complained that I never had enough quarters for the laundromat," says Kristine Janik of New York City. "Then my boyfriend gave me $40 in quarters, which was really odd."

I wonder if she put them in a sock and then proceeded to beat the hell out of him?

2. Awful flowers.

Especially plastic or a table arrangement—round, with holly and glittery branches sticking out of it and a wooden church scene stuck on top, accompanied by a card that says: 'My love for you is everlasting, just like these flowers!’

Appropriate for your grandmother’s foyer, not so for the woman who decides if she'll suck your dick or not.

3. Sports paraphernalia.

Of course this rule applies to everyone except my girl D. She's a N.O. Saints fan, what more can I say?

4. A card that you’ve signed in front of her.

And if you have to ask her how to spell her name while you're doing it, I guess you should find somewhere else to spend Christmas.

5. A 3-way unless she specifically asks for it.

I won't make that mistake again.

4 comments:

Anonymous said...

ok....how about a winter jacket....or a scarf....or a new car....or clothes....lingerie (bras and undies)....so many practical things!

Strange said...

Hey if I'm buying a Bra and undies, they're for me, no one else.

Anonymous said...

Something frilly??

Strange said...

Sure, if it comes with some hot chick already in it.