Friday, February 01, 2008

Into the bottomless pit

Teddy "the Toupee" Toupullo: The Toupee is a fierce competitor who will stop at nothing to be victorious. Also known as "The Little Beaver", Teddy trains for events by gnawing the wooden legs off furniture.

The Pit:
Nothing more can be said about The Pit who came within a whisper of taking home the crown last year. Has been training hard for this event by learning to eat south paw to throw off the competition. This week alone, he has put 4 all-you-can-eat buffets out of business.

Sally "the Fish" Legarra:
At first glance one would think Sally is in over her head in a, "holy fuck! Look at all those wings! How am I going to eat all those wings? Christ Almighty, that's a lot of fuckin' wings!" sort of way. However, her glassy, fish-eyed stare is how she looks naturally and often works to her advantage rendering her competitors to fits of laughter and allowing her to surge to victory.

Cheetoe "Dirty Sanchez" Margollez:
Other than the Pit, Cheetoe is the man to be feared in this event. His appetite is world renowned, his desire to vanquish his rivals a sight to behold and his undefeated record of 45-0 unequalled. His moniker of Dirty Sanchez, is well deserved as he loves to rub wing sauce under the noses of the defeated.

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