Thursday, January 31, 2008

Closer to the bone

Clifford "the Shiv" Norton: Was an early favorite to win it all, but in his last contest forgot to remove the chicken from the bone and punctured his right cheek. His injury has not fully healed and the Shiv may end up losing more wings out his cheek hole than he can swallow.

Coleman "the Zombie" Clark:
No one is sure if this guy's living or dead. Either way unless brains are on the menu, Zombie's chances are slim and none. And slim is in the back room with hookers and blow.

Ellena "Mama" Ragutzio:

Don't let her diminutive motherly appearance fool you. She can eat. She won the National Pasta Eating Championship by ingesting 22 plates of spaghetti and then hit her fellow contestants over the head with a wooden spoon for not clearing off their plates.

Plaxico "the Bone Collector" Johnson:
Who in their right mind names their kid Plaxico?....Wait.....Isn't there a wide receiver on the Giants named Plaxico Burress?.....Never mind.....Any way, the Bone Collector has as much of a chance of winning this contest as the Giants do winning the Super Bowl.

Friar Lansky: Grandson of the infamous gangster Meyer Lansky, Friar is a dangerous competitor. If he doesn't win he has friends who'll make sure he does. Once ate a bag of cement to prove his abilities- the body had to be dumped elsewhere.

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