What I really want for Father's Day

Besides the above album that is. First, let's get a few things straight. DO NOT get me another tie, BBQ set, belt, wallet, pair of socks, more underwear (the ones with the holes in them suit me fine), sweater,(this is summer for Christ's sake), shirt, (even if you do think pink is my colour), or lame ass book unless it has pictures of naked women and the title includes words like "bukkake MILF orgy".

Last year I was all excited when I got one titled, "Driving the Skin Bus into Tuna Town".....until I found out it was a children's book.

Now I know most of you can't afford the Porsche, The wall-sized LCD, or the modelesque sex chick for GIGC and myself, but here are a few other gadgets to ponder that I would accept graciously.

Super Realistic Missile Balloons



Man people would so get out of my way on the road if I had these babies chasing me. Just imagine, you'd never have to worry about traffic again.


Pee Goal
You know I can't tell you how many times I've uttered the phrase,
"piss on soccer!" Now here's my chance and I can keep score in the process.

Hidden Beer Belly Storage Pack

Since I already have a gut, people won't question where all the weight came from.


Remote Controlled Lawn Mower

I don't like cutting the grass as it is, but a device like this would make the process much easier. Plus, I could chase down that annoying mutt from next door that keeps pissing on my paper.

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Poop Odor Eliminator Pills

Really says it all don't ya think?









Complete Cock Care Kit

Man! The number of times I've turned down sex because I haven't trimmed my Johnson. Sometimes I've been hard pressed to find the damn thing in that jungle of hair. Well, no more.


Gentleman's Silver Ball Scratcher

This goes hand in hand with the last gift...*hint*....in case you have a little money left over. After all I'll need something to scratch with when the hair starts to grow back in.




Automatic Finger Flicking Lighter


Not only does this hand lighter emit a green flame it also utters the phrase "Fuck you!" twice. This and the missile balloons and there's no stopping me.