Free man in Paris

Initially I was going to do a weekly Paris Hilton diary from jail....however, as many of you may already know, she was released today to 40 days of house arrest instead. So, you will have to enjoy the abbreviated version of her three day stay in the slammer.

Day 1 excerpts:
8:00 AM- Paris checks in and thankfully doesn’t have to submit to a full body cavity search; a project her fellow inmates will no doubt examine at a later time.
8:01 AM- Paris cries for the first time.
8:05 AM- Paris asks if the jump-suits come in another colour other than flat, fall pumpkin citrus?
8:05:15 AM- When informed they also come in orange, Paris cries again.
8:21 AM- Paris is aghast at the limited closet space and wants to know when she’ll be seeing the rest of her accommodations?
8:22 AM- Informed that the closet is her cell, Paris cries.
9:15 AM- Paris asks for a Perrier with a lemon twist.
9:16 AM- When informed she has perfectly good water located in her toilet, Paris cries and spends much of the rest of the day crying.

Day 2 excerpts:

7:00 AM- The bidding begins and Paris is sold to Big Bertha for a pack of smokes and a tube of lip gloss.
7:01 AM- Paris spends the rest of the day crying and hiding under her bunk while Big Bertha runs to grease up her fist.
10:17 PM- Paris complains of being cold and asks for another blanket.
10:22 PM- Guards deliver the blanket- made from the jagged-ass-wool from around a sheep’s anus.
10:22:02 PM- Paris cries.

Day 3 excerpts:

9:01 AM- Paris gets a visit from her Lawyer and her Psychiatrist. It is determined that Paris will be released to serve out her sentence in the confines of her 9,000 square foot home, but will have to wear a monitoring ankle bracelet.
9:02 AM- Paris asks how many diamonds are on the bracelet?
9:03 AM- When informed none, Paris cries and is escorted home.

* Apparently her early release was due to an unspecified medical reasons.

I’m no doctor, but I didn’t think having a fist pumped repeatedly into your vagina was classified as a medical reason?

Personally I am so outraged by this blatant two-tiered justice system for the rich that if I could afford to stay in the Hilton, I wouldn't, just to protest. I'd say "That's the last time you'll ever find me in a Hilton", which of course is what Big Bertha said too. *snare/cymbal*

Cross posted on Mitchieville