A) Someone e-mailed me, begging me to stop Blogging, and I thought I’d give them a slim glimmer of hope.
B) My computer decided to get all Hal on my ass and not work properly.
C) I was too busy purchasing celebrity excrement on the web to find time to Blog.
The answer is actually B. In fact, if HP ever gets another dime out of me, it will be for the sauce not the computer. What can I say? I love it on fries.
As far as C is concerned. Go here and they will answer all your questions on how you can own a piece of, (or should that be from?), Jessica Simpson etal. It sounds like a real bar-goon.
Jack Black's exrement will run ya a King Kong sized $92 a sample, where as you can get Sarah Jessica Parker body fluids staring at $6.75, (that's reasonable). However, forget Tom Green. He's a big ticket item and they are out of stock at the moment.
Just check these facts from the site.
For fecal and urine specimens, you will receive 2.0-3.0 cubic centimeters of specimen packaged in a hermetically-sealed transparent plastic cylinder (about the size of a film canister).
Wow. But are the contents clearly visable?
The contents will be clearly visible through the cylinder.
Great. If I decide on a fecal specimen of...oh let's say...Madonna...can I take it out and play with it like Silly Puddy? Plus I want to know if her shit really doesn't stink.
We do not recommend opening the cylinder after purchase, and we cannot be held liable for any injuries you sustain from engaging in this highly risky behavior.
That's true. I hurt myself on my own shit all the time. How about saliva?
For saliva, you will receive 0.5-1.0 cubic centimeters of specimen packaged in the same manner as the fecal and urine specimens. Some saliva samples may contain elements of toothpaste, mouthwash or food particles.
Can I order the saliva after the person's had a lobster dinner?
We have no control over what the saliva may be mixed with.
I guess that means I can cross Tom Cruise off the list. I already have enough of my own sperm.
Hey, what if I can obtain my own celebrity samples like Paris Hilton's toe-nail clippings, or Brad Pitt's nose boogers, or Cher's vaginal fluid, (Naw...You probably have more than you need already?)
Possibly. It depends on how much you can get, the current availability of that celebrity’s specimens, and whether we have the resources to properly identify the specimen in our routine tests. Sellers of accepted specimens will usually earn roughly $500 to $1000 dollars, depending on type of specimen and quantity. Contact us directly for more information regarding this.
$500 to $1000? Wow! Excuse me I have to go invite the Mayor over.
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