Weekly rant

Commercials. Some are funny, amusing, even hypnotizing, and then there are the others....the ones I loath, detest, exude a violent hatred for. I freak out every time they’re on. They make me want to strangle kittens, or defecate into a pool of vomit, or defecate into a pool of strangled kittens. You get the picture. These are not ads that I am fond of seeing.

Perhaps you too, have your own short list that you’d like to tell me about? This is mine.

First, that guy who sings about how, "he just can’t get enough," and then someone plops a sub in front of his boney, ritalin ass. Why don’t they put this guy in prison and see if he’s still singing the same tune when he gets out. I'll bet he doesn't walk the same and won't shit for months. Or wait....I have a better idea...Colin! Get your big dick over here and bring the video camera!

Next is that annoying Cadbury commercial. You know the one. The two chicks losing their fuckin’ minds over caramel.
"I wuv carwamel!"
"Hawoe carwamel!"
If ever I wanted to beat someone with an ugly stick, it would be those two candy-buying, candy asses.

Last but not least is that creepy Burger King spot and their tag line of, "Wake up to the King." The guy opens his curtains and that big plastic Burger King head is grinin’ and starring back at him through the window. Fuck man! Call the police. There’s obviously some deviant running amok on your street. Or worse, he wakes up in the morning and the thing is in bed with him. Holy fuck! Does this conjure up memories of the Godfather for anyone? Something like that is laying next to me and I’m questioning how much I drank last night, or who put the drugs in my dinner.

Please take these monstrosities off the air. I promise I’ll buy your fuckin’ subs, your chocolate bars, your God damn breakfast Whoppers. Just get rid of this shit.....or maybe I could not watch TV? That would solve everything.....naw.