Week

Harry Potter? I refuse to talk about it here. You’ll have to scroll down.

Colin Farrell was granted a court injunction to prevent his ex-girlfriend from selling a sex tape of the two to an adult website. He stated that the tape was "jointly owned, they had an agreement not to make it public and it would irreparably damage his career if it did".

Colin my friend. Come here. Walk with me for a moment pal. Do you really want to be remembered for "Alexander," "Hope’s War" and "Daredevil"? You’re career is already on the slides buddy. You have no major awards. You’re born in Dublin. Nothing good ever game out of Dublin unless it was wrapped and ticking. You’re 5'9", I’ve got longer pubic hairs than that. What’s the big whoop? Do you think that anyone would give a rat’s ass about Tommy Lee & Pam or Paris, if it weren’t for a little, "who’s your daddy," that leaked to the media. Plus I hear you’re packin’ quite a monster below the belt buckle. People want to see shit like that. Do yourself a favor, market it yourself. It’s what your career really needs.

The U.S. is toying with the idea of adding two months to Daylight Savings Time and passing the savings onto us. Bush, that wile old bastard, is there nothing he won’t do? So if we don’t change with them, there will be scheduling chaos in November and March every year. I wonder what Fenris would have to say about that? Fenris!

In a way, we're getting back at the States, a new study said, (remember the studies I told you not to take seriously), Torontonians especially, are no longer saying, "Eh". This of course, is going to squash an age old belief by Americans, that "Eh," is an essential part of our dialogue. Apparently, according to the study, (the ones I told you not to take seriously), we are replacing "Eh" with "So, like, whatever and stuff."

Well, that’s just dandy-o. That’s a much better way to speak....just like our pals south of the 49th parallel. Just make us a state and be done with it.

A baby was born in a taxi this week. The proud parents named her Becky after the Beck cab that served as a delivery room. Yeah, so like whatever and stuff, all I have to say is, good thing it was Beck Taxi and not one of their rivals. What’s the service I use? Oh yeah Whore Taxi. What? They’re fast and reliable.

Did you hear? The moose have formed a gang and are waging war on the police. One officer is dead and two are in critical after moose hit two cruisers this week. It’s only a matter of time before they get into trafficing drugs and guns. Triads beware.

Deaths of the week. After a long fight and serious damage to his dylithium crystals, he lost all power, dropped out of warp and Scotty, (James Doohan), finally beamed up.
He influenced the likes of Mick Jagger, Elton John and Rod Stewart. No, not James Doohan... idiot! Geesh! I’m talking about Long John Baldry, who died this week at age 62.
Oh and that guy who invented the TV dinners. He passed on as well.

This week there was also something about a bombing in a subway and a bus, or did I dream it? It sounds vaguely familiar to an incident a few weeks ago. Creativity ya frickin’ retards!
"Hey Abu, here’s a good idea. Why don’t we bomb the same place again."
"Good one Muhammad. You will have many virgins when you get to Allah."