Twas the night before Christmas on the links

Tons of new movies are always released on Christmas; fluff family crap, Oscar contenders, some even cool and worth seeing. Here's one that may get lost in the shuffle. The Spirit....of Christmas.

Santa Sutra.....that is all.

How the Japanese apparently celebrate Christmas.

Last minute Christmas gift ideas #16

Hey if you're starting to panic because you still haven't finished your X-mas shopping, why not consider an item like....uh...this...whatever it is....jack-in-the-box-smiley-penis-type-thing.

Loads of fun....and I use the term loosely....for the whole family.

2 shopping days left until Christmas

Last minute Christmas gift ideas #15

For the girl who has everything....well, almost everything, why not get her the one thing she doesn't have anymore.

An artificial hymen.

Last minute Christmas gift ideas #14

Most males I know will use this everyday. Sometimes three and four times a day.

Last minute Christmas gift ideas #13

You can always give the gift of music. And remember you get to choose the artist.

Whether it's this for little Johnny the paperboy.




Or this for Gramma Emma you can always find something.

"Fuck a Kitten Up".

Last minute Christmas gift ideas #12

How about the wheelchair bound Becky doll? If for no other reason than to snag the tiny handicapped sticker for your car windshield.

And...if the kid who gets the gift complains, you can always say, "At least you can walk you selfish little fuck!"

Cool X-mas food ideas

Surprise them and delight them all with a recipe on how to make candied bacon ice cream.

It might be the final catalyst to make that annoying fat-bastard Uncle of yours have the massive coronary everyone has wished secretly for.

Going for the one

Guaranteed the silver medal at least.

Yesterday I posted four times. Unheard of unless it's Pottahawk in July. This has caused some to muse if I'm making a, last-ditch, conscious effort to go for the personal best record of 415 posts in a year.

Back at the end of July the mark seemed easily attainable after posting 80 plus blogs in that month alone. However, I hit, what the marathon runners call, "the place where you feel you can go no further" and my posts dwindled.- You know, they should find a shorter description for that term.

Yet, here I am at the end of all things '08 and still within pecking distance of the almighty mark and 11 days remaining.

After X-mas it's all recap, so why not take a stab at it?

Last minute Christmas gift ideas #11

Underwear for Christmas is no big whoop, but Samuri underwear? Now that's a whole different ball of bees my friend.

Hope someone picks me up a pair. I'm a little tired of scratching my arse and touching skin....or worse.

Let it snow by the numbers

Snowmageddon is finally here. Fortunately I don't have anywhere to go, so I can sit in doors and wait until I have to dig myself out.

If you're like me, with nothing better to do, perhaps a little snow-day by the numbers is just for you.

The 10 most depressing board games.

The 12 most offensive Christmas songs.

8 Guinness world records that didn't happen.

Adding together

I don't usually post ads here- see Adsense debacle, but I found this witty and in spirit with the season.....well, my season anyway. So now it's here.

Dad's desert island collection #49

7 Shopping days left until Christmas

Last minute Christmas gift ideas #10

But is it a gift for that special someone, or really a gift for you?

Last minute Christmas gift ideas #9

Somehow I believe there will be plenty of these 911 plush dolls left on the shelf. But it does prevent people from regifting, just out of guilt.

9 shopping days left til Christmas

So much for the record

In my first year of blogging I posted 414 times which was curious since I had no idea what the hell I was doing. Some of you may say, I still have no idea, but that is neither here nor there.

To this day, the first year of Strangedaze is still the personal record to beat.

Caught up in the Pottahawk hoopla this year I posted 73 times in July. I think it was fair to say, I was not only on target to beat 414 for the year, but obliterate it.

Then I hit a wall in August. I watched my numbers drop. I watched my desire to blog drop. I watched my ability to string a sentence together dwindle. Only recently have I returned to a more consistent flow of blogging every day, but the damage is done.

Now I would need to post 39 more times in 15 days to better a once attainable mark. Hell, I`m still eight away from eclipsing my second best of 384.

I could always cut and paste this post another 20 times, or so, but that would be cheating and besides, I`ve already put you to sleep with this rant.

To echo the sentiment a friend of mine once had on her vanity plate that was unfortunately misspelled: WHO CARS

Christmas gift ideas #8

I get it! You're a kid. Christmas is great cause you get Guitar Hero and Xbox and all kinds of cool shit. Yet, Christmas sucks. You have no money. You can't but any presents for others which is OK by you, but you're worried it might affect future cool gifts if you don't make an effort to give some sort of gift.

Still, poor you, you blew all your allowance on comic books, junk food and weed and now, even the Dollar Store is beyond your budget.

Don't worry. I'm here to help you, you snot-nosed brat.

Parents love when you make stuff for them.....wait...let me rephrase that: Parents don't really love when you make stuff for them, but will act like they do. After all, you made an effort, right?

So use your talents and create. Write them a story. Like this one. and your problems are solved.

Christmas gift ideas #7

So people in your household like to read do they? I know GIGC devours fiction like a school of piranhas going after a shin bone. She also sucks Popsicles like she's late with the rent money, but I can't get her Popsicles for Christmas- they make a hell of a mess under the tree.

So the gift of literature is always an excellent alternative.

If you're in the same boat and want to get that avid reader in your family something unique they don't already have in their collection, here are some suggestions.

13 Shopping days left until Christmas

Bonus: Silent Starwars

Your Xmas shopping days are numbered

It's Christmas time and it's one of the loneliest times of the year for some. So here are 10 signs you're lonely.

And if you're loney, you'll need these numerous inspirational movie messages.



10 scary Santas

Forget Christmas! Here are 5 cosmic events that could kill you before lunch. That's right. This shit could kill!

2 turtle doves

1 Partridge in a pear tree.

Dad's desert island collection #48

Christmas gift ideas #6

Alright, I'm abandoning the "early", because....come on people, it's getting close. So if you still can't decide what to get your loved ones I'm here to help.

And nothing says Merry Christmas more than the perfect tattoo....




Or perhaps the perfect tattoo with breast implants?




For the Klingon in your family maybe you need something more extreme? Like skull implants.




yet again, you can tone it down a little and just get the genital implants instead.

15 Shopping days left until Christmas

The transient identification dictonary part 4

The Flamboyant Beggar - This tramp has a future in marketing if he ever snags a fixed address and stops bathing in public restrooms. Not content to rest on his feces encrusted laurels, the Flamboyant Beggar wants you to give him money because you're moved by wonderment and amazement and not merely a desire to feed a drunkards love of Lysol laced Colt 45. Though he may be between jobs and houses, he's right on the mark when it comes to spinning soul-stirring yarns to elicit sympathy from shmucks like us. Is his leg made of wood? Maybe. Did he come to town from all the way across country only to be raped by an entire pack of bears (not generally known to rove in packs) who then stole his wallet and his wife? Very likely. The Flamboyant Beggar will say and do anything to convince you that $2 will save his soul from certain damnation and a second bout of bear rape.


The Reserved Beggar - The polar opposite of the Flamboyant Beggar, this bandy man wants your money but years of eating refuse, copulating with car exhaust pipes and fighting rats for primo cardboard living spaces have left him in a permanent state of not giving a shit about anything at all. He needs your money if he's to buy his next bottle of Thunderbird or a tasty tuna melt peppered with Aqua Velva, but he's pretty much only going to sit in one spot with a soiled hat in his lap and wait for you to throw it at him as though he were a human wishing well. Is your wish to smell malt liquor and despair without a hassle? Then the Reserved Beggar is the itinerate layabout for you.


The Loose Stool - In the world of film, the friendly drifter who teaches you a valuable life lesson is often scruffy and in shabby clothes. Rarely in this family friendly films do they mention he has feces clogging the bread bag he's using as a shoe. If they did, they would have to acknowledge him as the Loose Stool, the most exotic of all hobos. While many hobos come with an unseemly perfume, none take it to the extreme of the man who realized that if you have taco shits in your pants it'll help keep you warm at night and thus no longer seeks to actually stop doing whatever it is he's doing when he has to get Mr. Colon a-twitching.

Early Christmas gift ideas #5

How about tickets for "Waterworld" the musical for those relatives you really have no desire to ever see again?

19 shopping days left until Christmas

Early Christmas gift ideas #4

The perfect gift for that little chronic masturbater who won`t get the hell out of the bathroom when you need to go. It`s Rad Repeatin`Tarzan.

Dad's desert island collection #47

The transient identification dictonary part 3

The Musician- Always playing an instrument in a heartfelt attempt to show he’s at least trying to give you something in return for you money like the Entrepreneur. However the tune is always indistinguishable, weather it’s played on the harmonica found in the dumpster, empty over-turned plastic lard bins swiped from the nearest McDonalds, or the spoons he uses to scrape crusty bits from his anus, the Musician will find new and interesting ways to perform the same rendition of “You Are my Sunshine” over and over and over. And like a siren song may have you linger long enough to be ensnared, until you feel compelled to throw a few shekels his way.


The Bag Lady - Ahh, the Bag Lady, the sultry siren of lunacy found on street corners and immersed in dumpsters all across our fair land. Though she may realistically be any of the aforementioned hobo species, she is always set apart by the very nature of having lady bits; creepy, unwholesome lady bits that may or may not contain cheese. The Bag Lady is like a wild animal confronted by a moron. It's enticing and alluring yet wholly and completely dangerous and to be avoided at all costs, for like a wild animal it may defend itself by releasing a foul stench or a tirade of filthy slaps and profanity. It should be noted that the Bag Lady exists as the best and brightest example of why not all boobs are awesome.


The Genius - Like the Millionaire, the Genius is a local legend of bumdom. While the average rover may tell you tales of the time he found a half eaten cheese sandwich just sitting on a bench, or a barely used pair of sweat pants just sitting on a bench, or he pooped right where you're sitting on that bench, the Genius will tell you why the ontological argument for the existence of God is a cop out and then ask if you have change for a bus. The Genius is reputed to have written novels in the past and/or have taught some super liberal course at the local community college before losing his wife and shortly thereafter his job, his home and his shit. Though it may be true that the Genius has some extensive knowledge base from which to help you better understand your world, never forget that he also hasn't had soap anywhere near his crotch in months.

23 shopping days until Christmas

December by the numbers

30 wacky warning signs.

101 things to be thankful for in an economic downturn.

20 of the most profane band names ever.

and in honor of my next book; 30 of the greatest conspiracy theories.

Early Christmas gift ideas #3

For avid pet enthusiast....

It was 1 year ago today

Private Sector played the Reverb in Toronto as part of their Two in the Pink, One in the Stink Tour- a.k.a. the shocker

Tonight the premier of the long awaited video compilation, Two in the Coot, One up the Shoot, will be seen at a special invitation only. I`d post a trailer of the vid, but I`d rather have you keep coming back to these pages. The announcement of the event will have to do.

27 shopping days left until Christmas

Dad's desert island collection #46

OK Dad! Enough is enough!

By deffinition

In my quest for shocking pictures, items, information, what-have-you this week has been mostly a dead end- yielding little more than gaping yawn.

However, there was the this Wikipedia link I found shocking. It discusses anilingus, from deffinition and slang- my favorite being "tossing the salad", to health risks and oral cancer.

It wasn't the content I found shocking, or the animated picture of two women eating ass, if was the fact such a thing was even in Wikipedia, with such glorious detail, in the first place.

I'm not even sure what I typed in the search engine, or what led me to be there, but it got me to thinking about ass-to-mouth, and those deification movies I saw when I was in Amsterdam.

Shocking! Again, not for the content, but that someone would actually perform such an act.

I mean what's next; Cooking with sperm as an ingredient in food?

Bonus link: Just in time for Christmas, or that horrible holiday breakup- Semen based recipes!

Tomorrow: Sea Men based recipes- Arrgh!

Jane's was right

In an attempt to bring you the best in shocking material, I have discovered, in the words of Jane's Addiction, "Nothings Shocking".

Look at Ebay. Usually a cesspool of all things shocking, disgusting and tasteless and they have nothing.

Sure there are shocking links and visuals out there in the wide universe of cyberspace, 2 Girls-1 cup, springs to mind, but that ship has already sailed and been posted on these pages long ago to collective yawns. So too, has the Electric Retard, Offensive Cartoons,the Turrets Guy and my novels. There are no taboo stones left unturned.

Is it just that we've become desensitized by all media, or dumbed down by the constant bombardment of elements around us? Does it really take some dude decapitating another dude on a Greyhound bus for us to bat an eyelash?

And where does this leave me, Ol' Strange in the midst of "Shocker Week"?

Don't worry. I'll figure something out.....

As a reasonable substitute I now present Cat vs Printer....

Welcome to "Shocker Week"

All right, technically this post should have been on these pages yesterday, but really.....do you care? Do I care? does the sagging economy care?

I say no.

Shocker Week can begin today. It's not a crime. I looked it up.

Now by shocker I'm not referring to actual sexual shockers...you know....two in the pocket, one in the chocolate; two in the kitty, one in the shitty; two in the pleasure, one in the treasure.

No I'm talking about stories and events that have shocked me. In fact, if you read the next story, you will find it is as far away from two in the twat, one in the balloon knot, as one can get.

Although I make no promises that tomorrow won't contain evidence of a shocker in the sexual sense, which is to say, two in the beaver, one to check for fever.

To be honest, I'd be surprised if I didn't slip one or two in this week, (no pun intended) On a week referred to as "Shocker Week", I'd find it hard not to include a reference here and there of two in the humper, one in the dumper, or two in the gutter, one in the turd cutter.

And you can take that to the bank, or two in the bank, one in the stank.

Our little Dickie grows up

When I first met Dickie he was working for Vachon supplying vending machines and stores with fattening cakes and Moon-Pies. Well, at least that's what I thought he did for a living- no one was really sure.

Over the years Dickie has been through the spectrum of job descriptions; from Private Investigator, to Head-Hunter, to Actor, Dickie has done it all. He traveled the country in search of happiness, in search of the perfect job, in search of the perfect lifestyle, all which has led him back home.

Over the past year, I have witnessed the transformation and the maturity of the man who once penned the song "Mosquito Fuck" and thought he had a legitimate chance of taking the music business by storm.

Now, he is content and happy. He has met the woman he has searched the world over for. He has purchased a house in the South Shwa with in shouting distance of the famed Corral and he is getting married in Mexico next February to which I and GIGC will bear witness.

It is a far cry from the days where he spent six months on a couch in Syracuse and was periodically accosted by fat, balding, gay Koreans.

Our little Dickie has earned the right to be "Shocker of the Week."

32 shopping days left until Christmas

Early Christmas gift ideas #2

Women like candles. Women also like babies. So, what better gift to give than baby head candles?

I ask you. What?

I sure hope I get to do a secret Santa this year cause I now know what I'm buying.

Dad's desert island collection #45

Snow business by the numbers

Like many of you near the Big Smoke, I awoke this morning to find snow. Not just a dusting, but a dumping. I'm told it's an Alberta Clipper causing this blanketing of white that has turned my entire neighborhood into a Christmas postcard while I slept, however, it doesn't make me feel any better when I'm out shoveling.

So here are some numbers to temporarily appease your mind from the nightmare of driving to and from work in this slop.

The top 10 beer producing nations. Personally I thought we would've ranked higher.

15 images you won't believe aren't photo shopped.

The top 10 sex-toy patents.

One for GIGC and the U.S. Thanksgiving. The top 10 NFL punt returns.

Bonus link: Back when all was hot and summery and our minds were on beer, chicks and Pottahawk.

Early Christmas gift ideas

For that rotten little niece or nephew.

OK, I surrender

Fine! You want it that way? I acquiesce. I'll start posting the Xmas shit.

I can't compete anyway. The neighbors have put their lights up (At least they don't leave them up year round.)

Yesterday I was accosted by one of those creepy mechanical dancing/ singing Santa's in Walmart and everywhere I go store fronts are decorated with fake snow, red, gold and silver baubles surrounded by empty boxes made to look like presents.

Some might say I'm just a Scrooge, ba-humbugging my way through a festive season, but at least wait until December before you make that judgement.

This type of blatant bombardment is no different then seeing display cases full of paper hearts and candy January 1st, or painted eggs and chocolate rabbits two weeks before the end of February.

And if that didn't make you mad, then I need you to lend me some money I'll never pay back- call it an early Christmas gift.

The transient identification dictonary part 2

The Epicurean - Our dumpster diving friend the Epicurean lives the full on hobo experience the rest of us expect when not picturing drunkards fighting in an alley for nickels. While others will work or beg for food, The Epicurean cannot leave his palette in the hands of mere peasants and must take his gastronomic destiny in his own hands, which is to say he'll put pretty much anything in his mouth, from pizza crusts to those gristly knobs everyone leaves at the end of chicken wings. Easily spotted for being some of the dirtiest and fattest of hobos, the Epicurean says "yes I can" when reality says "Good God, you can't possibly eat that."



The Shell Shocked - Beloved by modern children for his keen fashion sense as witnessed by his army green and camo wardrobe, the Shell Shocked vagrant is not to be trifled with. While he may present similar characteristics to the Ranter, make no mistake that, unlike the Ranter, our armed forces friend very likely could kill you six different ways with the rusted can of tuna he's been using as a pillow because the government trained him to long before he went mad. Lament the way he offered up his own safety and security to ensure ours, but don't be surprised if he salutes you with a hand that he's been keeping warm up his own ass and then attacks a dumpster because it's a stronghold for Charlie and delicious, delicious expired ham.



The Un-Bum - Of all the off putting sundowners out there in the world, none is so harrowing as the Un-Bum. While other transients may frighten you with the threat of intense reekage and e-coli, and the Ranter seems like he may stalk and murder you, the Un-Bum presents the fearsome visage of normality. You could be the Un-Bum. You may even know the Un-Bum, some kid you went to high school with who's now sitting on a steam grate asking for change so he can get that next delicious bottle of aftershave. You'll be tempted to ask him what he's doing out there begging for change, until that voice in your head points out that if you ask, he may answer. Then he may recognize you. Then he may expect you to buy the whole bottle of aftershave for him. Then take him home. And now you have a pet bum. Fuck.

The big O-bama

The election may be over, the erection never has to be.

Yes my friends, Obama may be the new president, but why wait until he takes office to bring you joy when he can take orifice now.


Even Republicans can't deny that the "Official Obama Pleasure Toy" gets the job done. You'll be singing "Hail to the Chief" all night long And if you aren't satisfied I believe they also offer the George W. Butt Plug.

Either way, it gives new meaning to "Head of State".

Will make a swell Christmas gift for the one you love, be they woman, man, animal, or Joe the Plumber.

P.S. 40 shopping days til Christmas.

40 Days and 40 nights

I was thinking about my rant earlier this week about Christmas advertising and how rampant it is, even in early November.

As of tomorrow there are only 40 days left to get your high-priced commercial bullshit.

Yet, many have forgotten the true meaning of Christmas as a symbol, however misguided, for the birth day of little Baby Jesus.

Now hold on there. I'm as far away from a religious dude as you can be possibly be no matter what denomination.

I am so anti-religion, in fact, that I have half-a-mind to walk into a place of worship, just to tell them I'm leaving.

However, I believe if you're going to get a hardon for the holiday season it's no good discovering you have erectile dysfunction. Which is to say, I can only duck and dodge the commercialism of the yule spirit for so long.

But there's no reason I can try to keep you on the right path and remind you of the true meaning of Christmas without loosing the commercial edge......

So remember: As of tomorrow, only 40 shopping days left to Christmas.

Dad's desert island collection #44

Boy, Dad is sure taking a lot of records to that island.