Thursday, November 13, 2008

The transient identification dictonary part 1

Or T.I.D. for short, you can also refer to it as the Hobo Dic. One thing's for sure with the economic slide there will be more of these fellows with hat extended on a street corner near you, so you need a guide to identify exactly what you are dealing with. It will help you decide if crossing the road or an all out detour is in order.

The Ranter - A popular vagabond due to their "look at me" style, the Ranter is the wastrel you cross the street to avoid and not just because of that stank. Indeed, on a warm summer's day, the Ranter may set himself up outside your favorite mall, one eye looking skyward while the other attempts to peer into your very soul and begin raving about how the government put arsenic in his oatmeal and those geese in the park are nothing but sodomites who talk about him behind his back. The Ranter's effectiveness seems to directly correlate to both how loud he can share a string of epic obscenities and how well dressed the people he wants to listen to him are.

I think that guy used to work for GM in Oshawa....

The Entrepreneur - No regular bum this, the Entrepreneur is the 'can do' vagrant of today. Not content to be like his begging cousins, the Entrepreneur has a get up and go that makes him wait at busy intersections with a scrap of newsprint and an old Coke bottle he's filled with water and hand sanitizer from down at the clinic. When he finds a potential client stuck at a red light, he springs into action by hobbling over and smudging the sanitizer-laced paper across their windshield in exchange for a few cents. And while this may actually make the window dirtier, you can't make an omelet without breaking a few eggs and this drifter can't make your window clean if he's covered in his own urine.

Dude! Take your idea to OSEB. They can help you get your business up and running.

The Millionaire - Curiously, once a town gets large enough, the Millionaire inevitably shows up in local lore and will remain for many years. Potentially disguised as a Ranter, the Millionaire is just what his name suggests. He's stinking rich. At least that's what everyone says, because it's fun to believe when you're enjoying the lower middle class life, someone out there achieved their fortune and decided that instead of living in a mansion, living behind the KFC dumpster and wearing shoes made out of hardened discs of feces would be an interesting adventure to go on. This tramp never speaks of their fortune, potentially due to dementia or just snobbery, and will often be seen counting out pennies to buy McDonald's coffee on a Sunday morning.

Lovingly ripped from College Humor

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