Thursday, March 08, 2007

Apocalypto now.

Usually I try to see every Oscar nominated film before the Oscars. And every year I do pretty well. Yet, there are always a few movies I either can’t be bothered watching...*cough* Dream Girls, or I know they’re not going to win.

Take for example Apocalypto. With all the Jew bashing Mel has participated in and the number of Jews running Hollywood, it’s just simple math. There's not going to be any golden-boys for Ol’ Braveheart.

Sure he'd see the dangling carrot of a nomination or two. However, when you lambaste the toothless old hooker over the price of the blow-job, you might as well say goodbye to that sweet fellatio....believe me I know.

So, post Oscars I finally got around to watching this film, which I must say, other than a few short comings, I actually enjoyed.

Following is my real time review of Apocalypto:

0:04:27- What?
0:04:38- What did he say?
0:04:51- Did you catch that?
0:05:17- Why don’t they just speak English?
0:06:23- Got to admit killing the pig and eating the innards was cool.
0:22:06- What the hell are they saying?
0:27:45- Wow! So much blood.
0:32:58- Are you sure this isn’t a Scorcese film?
0:34:19- Is that Mel with the bone through his nose?
0:39:31- OK that must be Mel with the face paint and the goofy hairdo? Definitely something Riggs would do.
0:41:28- If the small fat kid is Mel...Wow, good makeup job.
0:41:32- What did Mel just say anyway?
0:41:39- Read the subtitles? Is that what that is?
0:41:55- I NEVER LEARNED TO READ! *sobs* I'm going to go Blog. (What a paradox)

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