All that and a chocolate Jesus

A planned Holy Week exhibition of a nude, anatomically correct chocolate sculpture of Jesus Christ was canceled Friday amid a choir of complaining Catholics that included Cardinal Edward Egan.

The "My Sweet Lord" display was shut down by the hotel that houses the Lab Gallery in midtown Manhattan.

Come on! What's wrong with an anatomically correct chocolate Christ? Think of the fun kids would have trying to find the two Easter eggs.

Keep the tip

If you're gonna smoke that pipe, you should have a convertible. At least that's the message being sent out by South African researchers this week in hopes to combat the further spread of AIDS by trying to convince men to lop off the foreskin.

I agree. Winter's over guys. Lose the turtle-necks. Off with his head!

I can’t get no...

Satisfaction that is, unless you’re a teacher, movie star, president or CEO of a company according to a recent survey that lists those titles as the jobs where individuals find the most satisfaction.

Seems to me Porn Star would be pretty high on the list too.

Appalled bearer

Some funeral homes are now offering webcast viewing and services for those who can’t make the trek to pay their last respects. Lazy bastards!

Can you believe it? Man, people will watch anything...well at least it’s commercial free.

Keeping my cheese dry

Under the same heading of “I have nothing better to do with my life”. While it may not be as exciting as watching paint dry or grass grow, cheese lovers can now go online and watch a 55lb. block of cheddar mature 24 hours a day.

Here's the link for cheddar vision if you're interested.

On a personal note: Don't look Derek!

I just saw it age! Did you see it age? Wow that was fun. Let's watch some more.

Popcorn Dope

For the cigarette companies, it was Joe Camel. Now, methamphetamine manufacturers are accused of borrowing a similar tactic — using cartoon characters and candy flavors to lure teen users.

Chocolate, peanut butter and strawberry? They're not just ice cream flavors, they are the new taste of meth, the latest way dealers and manufacturers are packaging their goods in an ever-changing drug economy.

...I just saw the Cheddar age some more! No wait....it must be the meth?

Ahead by a 1/2 century

Hells Angels turn 50 this weekend.

I'd tell you where the party's going to be, but then I'd have to kill you.


The Ira resolution

OK enough already in this conflict between Iran and Brittan. The Iranians say the Brits were trespassing in Iran’s waters. The English say they were in Iraq. Can’t we just split the difference and say the British were in Ira’s waters. That’s a 3/4 admission of guilt, or victory depending on what side you’re on. I’m sure guys named Ira wouldn’t care with Passover coming up and all.

The Da Vinci inquest

Dan Brown was cleared by U.K. courts of copyright infringement for his blockbuster book The Da Vinci Code, but who will clear Ron Howard for making that awful movie?

For what it's worth I believe Dan Brown did not plagiarize the material. Some people are just jealous when authors come up with creative ideas on their own.

For example, I'm writing a new novel.

It's a tale of intrigue where a famous sculpture of a Chocolate Jesus has been stolen by Iranian radicals led by a Catholic Cardinal and held for ransom.

Losing hope, the government turns to one man, Ira a card carrying member of the Hells Angels turned Porn Star, who in his attempts to retrieve the Jesus, uncovers a much deeper plot to rid the world of all sweets and force everyone to eat cheese. In fact a 55lb cheddar bomb is set to go off....in one year, if demands are not met.

Captured and alone Ira is fed raspberry crystal meth and threatened with the torture of having his foreskin removed, but what his captors don't know......Ira's Jewish.

That's all I've come up with so far but as you can see it's easy to be original.