Blogs you didn't see ( first of 3)

With the picture post on the blink for the past few weeks, I was unable to display images necessary to the following blogs. As a result they were not viewed in a timely fashion and perhaps, after witnessing them now, you wished you still hadn't seen them.

Regardless, here they are.

Results of Camp Mitchieville

Once again it was a productive set of meetings at this year’s political retreat in Camp Mitchieville on the banks of Lake Simcoe and the Kashamawigamawog.

Need proof? Just do the comparison between 2005 and 2006 and you'll see there was a greater camaraderie; a synergy if you will. An essential willingness to get things done for the greater good of the tax paying public..





















It was also a chance to put the peoples hard earned money to use with some well deserved recreational activities. Newly appointed Minister of the Interior Jim Nasium, with outstanding displays of the vernacular, usurped last years champion Fenris Badwolf at trivia.



"Ok Jim.....name for me 10 things you find in an aquarium.......you have thirty seconds.....GO!.........10 things you’d find in an aquarium.......the clock is ticking Jim........come on give me just one thing.......you have 15 seconds Jim.......Jim?...."
















Then Jim teamed up with Trebor Enots and smoked everyone at synchronized snoozing.









Despite the frivolity, much was accomplished as follows:

Garbage pick-up will now be Thursday instead of Tuesday in the Tri-county area.

Four more hotdog vender licences will be awarded to the Uberstrassen Holiday Resort and Tourist Causeway.

The band shell at Old City Hall will be reconstructed after it was burned down two years ago by Homeless Eddie and a statue to Mayor Sr. will be erected. This will now be deemed a pigeon free zone, so kids, please keep your pet pigeons at home.

Smoking will no longer be allowed in public toilets, but strippers are still ok.

In an effort to serve and protect, the Mitchieville police force will be doubled in size with the hiring blitz of two more officers.

Also since Michigan is no longer taking our garbage, a temporary emergency landfill has been designated in Herb Grumbles backyard. Sorry about that Herb, but it's all for the greater good.

Oh......almost forgot.....the decision to sepearate from the rest of Canada and form the country of Mitchieland was defeated by a count of 11-1.

Remember, we are working with you to build a better Mitchieville.

Blogs you didn't see (part deux)

A few weeks ago the Mayor posted this picture of Val Kilmer.




Little did he know there was a deeper connection between this image and a more infamous picture. After several painstaking minutes of searching, I finally found what I was looking for on the DSE, (Derek Search Engine), which in my opinion is the only place to find the true information. Fuck Google!

With the conspiracy uncovered I present to you the missing link......Val Kilmer is really the notorious Bigfoot.

Blogs you didn't see (part III)

Recommended listening for the past two weeks.






















Now you have to go out and buy them both. Sorry for the inconvenience.

Must have been the bandwidth

Just when I thought the Blog was going to the dogs and other animals, the pictures are back. Extremely good news, especially for those of you out there who can't read. I guess I must have posted one too many pictures of Johnny Wad.

But, with out further delay, let's get on with it and spank this monkey.

Losing sleep over counting sheep

Norman Goulet, a rancher from St. Claude, south of Portage la Prairie, Manitoba, has had his sheep rustled three times in the past three years. The latest heist took place earlier this month.

Sheep missing in Manitoba? Buddy do you need me to spell it out for you?

I’ve been to Manitoba. Outside of Siberia and Antarctica it’s the loneliest, coldest place on the planet. I bet if you checked you’d find an unexplained increase in the purchase of high heels, fishnets, and rubber boots.

At least that’s how we used to do it back on the farm.

To sleep perchance to catch an infectious disease

Paris Hilton is auctioning off her king-sized bed, mattress, crusty sheets, and scuziod pillows. The only thing missing from the bid, and for good reason, is one of those CSI black-light crime-scene kits.

Paris will donate 10% of the proceeds to charity. Wow! A whopping 10% Are you sure you can afford it Paris?

Saddly there is already extensive interest from various idiots, who I'm sure, will only want to add to the items questionable nature by jerking-off on it.

Go here be an idiot.

Paramount no longer on Cruise control

Paramount pictures has decided to sever ties with actor Tom Cruise sighting his unusual and troubling behavior over the past months. Who didn’t see this coming?......

Personally I’m not big on Cruise and his acting. His characters always seemed a bit recycled. I don’t even know why I posted this when there are more important stories out there......like.....

Moo laddie

Some Irish farmers agree their cows moo in regional dialects.

I'm not sure if they came to this conclusion sober or after several pints but.......Bessie with a baroque? Seems like a lot of bull to me.

Czech out the porn

And that’s what many Swedish viewers did when they tuned in for their nightly news cast. Images of Czech porn played on a TV monitor in the background while an unsuspecting announcer delivered the news.

I’ll bet they had record numbers of viewers the next night. After all, porn is the universal language. No subtitles needed. If they'd only let it, I'm sure it could end all conflict, heal the sick, replace all dietary supplements, give us all inspiration to get through the work week, and reveal the meaning of life.

It was a Mickey Mouse planet anyway

Scientists met this week to decide over the addition of three new planets to our solar system. At the end of the debate, they instead demoted Pluto to just another orbit thingy from its previous planet status.

I agree whole heartedly. In fact I've always maintained that.......wait for it.......
the universe should end with Uranus. *ba-dum-ba*

Echoing the gecko

Scientists are working on new super-stick, reusable adhesive. The principle is based on the millions of tiny hairs found on the gecko which allow the creature to attach itself to any surface, even glass.

Hmm.....If only Paramount had been able to get their hands of some of it, Tom Cruise might still be there.

Playing the Amazing Race card

The buzz over the new TV season is all about Survivor and how they will segregate contestants into four tribes of five, based on ethnicity: Asian, Black, Hispanic and Caucasian.

This is causing an uproar with the general public who see this as a racist, motivated move to increase ratings.

Personally I think it’s about time we had the Chinks, Jigs, Spics and that crazy Ol’ Cracker "Whitey" face one another to determine the superior race. Sieg Heil!.......

RELAX PEOPLE! IT"S A TV SHOW!.....geesh! What sensitive mother fuckers.

New Release this week: Paris (hey....It will go with your new bed.)












But I recommend: Hey Mr. Banjo........and you Survivor protesters can just fuck-off.

Pictures at eleven?

First of all, I’m staying away from the whole JonBenet Ramsey/ John Mark Karr ordeal. What could I possibly tell you that isn't already known? That he drugged and then had sex with her before "accidentally" killing the six-year-old.

Besides, I have more important rants in mind. Like suddenly, this fuckin' Blog won’t let me post pictures. WTF!

If that’s the case, I’m doomed. The pictures distract from my bad writing. Perhaps squeezing a few more seconds out of an unsuspecting browser who thought he was going to see naked chicks from Pottahawk and is searching my pages frantically to find them.

Now what the hell am I suppose to do to keep your attention? Just use harsh language?

Cock sucker!

Just friends

Jennifer Aniston would like everyone to know, her and Vince Vaughn are not engaged, and have no plans to do so. She also has no plans to have sex with a drugged six-year-old girl. It's so over done anyway.


Snakes will rake it in

"Snakes on a Plane," opened this week to much hyperbole and fanfare.

It’s such a stupid premiss. Yet, it will probably be number 1 at the box office after this weekend.....but, who the fuck cares?

I can’t post pictures!

Ok I realize I’m carrying on like a child at the zoo who’s just lost his red balloon. Which is the most important thing to him in the world....at least until he finds the chimp cages.....but it pisses me off just the same.


Another man’s garbage is your gold

A Delta airline memo to employees recommended, since pay raises were no longer imminent, ways on how to save money. This included going through other peoples trash cans for food and...........

I mean I tried and tried. I can’t get one picture up. NOT ONE!.....no way.............no deal....

You’d think with modern technology something like this wouldn’t happen. I had some really cool pics to post too. Not like the usual garbage I throw up here...... but now, forget it. It’s so last week.

Now it's a good old Goys club

The airline industry continues to struggle with new carry on implementations after last week’s foiling of a terrorist plot.

Added to the list of banned items are aerosol cans and Jews.

The aerosol cans I can see, but Jews?

Sure most Muslims have it in for Jews, however, there’s no reason to ban them from flying. I mean.......

What?....Juice you say?.....Not Jews?........Oh.......Never mind.

You can't ride this Harley anymore

Rufus Harley died this week.

"Who was Rufus Harley?" You say.

Why, only the first person ever to adapt bagpipes to jazz and play with greats like Myles Davis. In fact he was known as the "Pied piper of Jazz."

Now what are the great jazz musicians going to do when they need the Rufus sound? I guess they’ll just have to go back to tossing cats against a brick wall.

Oh, his picture's here BTW, if you want to see what he looked like.

Turning Japanese

Say hello to "Sapporo Honey Brown," after Canada’s biggest independent brewer, Sleeman’s, was bought out by Sapporo of Japan.

With the take-over, "Moosehead" is now the next best thing in Canada.

So, show your support. Be proudly Canadian and go out and get some Moosehead.

Right now, there are people from other countries reading this and wondering what sick, animal-loving, mother fuckers we are.

It’s the principle

School Principle Maria Pantelone, sister of Toronto’s deputy Mayor Joe Pantelone, was charged with throwing human feces at two children.

Personally, I don’t see what the problem is. It’s not like she told them it was chocolate and peanuts. And it’s not like she drugged and then had sex with a 6-year-old. It was just feces tossed at kids who were probably asking for it.

Hell every week on Casual Friday’s at Mitchieville City Hall, we not only wear our comfortable clothes around the Mayor’s office we often chuck bags of our own excrement at one another.

It’s a little messy I’ll admit, but hilarious all the same....wish I could post a picture of it....but you know...that old chestnut.

New release this week (picture unavailable)

But I recommend...... (picture unavailable)

Harikari-on luggage

A terrorist plot to destroy as many as ten jet airliners, on route to the U.S. in mid-flight, was thwarted this week by London police. As details were released it appeared Mohammad MacGyver had been hard at work with a plot involving explosive concoctions hidden in sport drink bottles easily detonated by ipods, or cell phones.

Now, new restrictions are in place for those traveling by air: no liquid allowed in carry-on luggage. No lubes, no KY, no vials of celebrity fecal remnants, nothing.

Personally, I never travel anywhere with out my much coveted Madonna corn textured nugget, and my phial of Brittany Speers vaginal secretions extracted from her fluffy sausage wallet.

If this keeps up, soon you won’t be able to take anything on board.......so, Snakes on a Plane? How did that happen?

With all this paranoia and security it’s going to be tough for OBL, (Osama bin Laden, not to be confused with OBJ, "One Ball Joe"), and the boys to come up with something more constructively destructive.

What’s next? I suppose they’ll inject their dicks with nitroclycerine and shove plastic explosives up their ass to be ignited with a blue dart.

But this begs the question: How are you going to fuck all those virgins in the afterlife with no penis?

However, all the hoopla is not without a positive spin as gas prices plummeted to under a buck a litre. Thank you Al Qaeda.

In other news

The new Oliver Stone picture, "World Trade Center," opened this week.

I plan on seeing it, so don’t spoil the ending for me.

Manatee in Manhatten

No it’s not a new J Lo flick. The massive animal known as a manatee was spotted in the Hudson River at least three times in the last week; first off the Chelsea and Harlem sections of Manhattan, then to the north in Sleepy Hollow in Westchester County.

Hmm.........now there's an idea. I can hear the reports on CNN already.......

"Terrorists carried out a new threat by releasing hundreds of the sea-loving creatures ladden with explosives into the sewer systems of New York causing massive destruction and loss of life......Oh the hu-manatee!"

At least it would make an entertaining film.

Say, is Samuel L. Jackson free?

As long as they're not Hobbits

A parade later this month in Auckland New Zealand will feature up to 30 porn stars riding on the back of motorcycles or in open cars to promote an erotica exposition.

Jesus! I'd love to see that.

Oh look here comes the "Ass to mouth float."

Say "chowder" Frenchy

The name and logo for the new ABA Quebec basketball franchise has come under severe scrutiny as most francophones consider it offensive. Go here and decide for yourself.

Damn frogs.....always complaining about something.

Fido may be gone but so is my acne

Dog meat has long been regarded as a stamina food in both Koreas, widely consumed on hot summer days in particular.

Well at least they don't have to worry about stepping in shit when they cut the lawn. Can ya tell I'm a cat person?

But a pro-Pyongyang newspaper in Japan reported Wednesday, dog meat has also become increasingly popular among women in North Korea because the traditional Korean delicacy is believed to be good for the skin.

That's a laugh. Everyone knows the best thing for a woman's skin is sperm, or as the Mayor refers to it, "10 CCs of man yogurt".

Shout out

It's been a while since I've increased my blog roll, but I'd like to acknowledge the newest addition: The London Fog. Check his shit out ya little buggers......well....not literally. You know what I mean.

And the Drunken Stepfather. Mainly because I'm a hit whore and he gets a ton of em. He also has a daily buffet of titty pictures......yup.....there's some good eatin'.

Abbreviated week

That’s because I, and most of the Mayor’s inner cabinet are taking off to camp Mitchieville for the weekend to plan campaign strategies. Usually that also involves the mass consumption of alcohol, imported dancing trollops, and the introduction of raw meat to flame.

After this week we need a break, as the temperature in Mitchieville reached the upper echelon destroying several records in the process.

How hot was it?

It was so hot even the drive-by shooters were keeping the windows up and the AC cranked.

Beyond Stupidome or Lethal Blunder

OK, so Mad Mel flew off the handle this week and lost it. In the process irreparably damaging his career.

I’m not going to rehash what’s already been beat to death by the media. But let me ask you this. After "The Passion of The Christ" should the Jews really be surprised at the racial slurs coming from Ol' Braveheart?

Seems Mr. Gibson can fatten the pig, he just can't bring home the bacon........damn it!...... no discourtesy meant to my Jewish friends.....Jesus!......opps....once again I apologize.

Gasalino Royal

The New Bond film, "Casino Royal," will be delayed possibly seven months, as a fire raged through the main set and destroyed much of it.

Apparently someone other than myself doesn’t think Daniel Craig would make a good Bond.

Daniel Radcliffe to expose his hairy potter

Yes-sir-ee-bob, the young rapscallion star of the Harry Potter films is set to expose his wand in a revival of Peter Shaffer's "Equus", on the London stage.

Teenage pin-up Radcliffe will play an emotionally-troubled boy prone to nudity and the blinding of horses.

Tickets are already a hot item. Get that little wizard chick to join him then we’ll talk.

For what eels ya

For more than 30 years, crowds have flocked to the small English fishing village of Lyme Regis to watch an annual tradition - two teams of fishermen standing on wooden platforms as human bowling pins, hurling a dead giant eel at each other. But the ritual was abruptly abandoned after an animal rights activist threatened to draw negative publicity to the latest tournament.

The practice, known as conger cuddling, ( funny, that's what GIGC and I call it after coitus), is the annual highlight in the small coastal town about 155 miles southwest of London. The object of the game is to knock the opposing team off the platform by swinging a 25-pound eel at them.

How will we ever go on with out this activity? I don't know about you, but I feel a little dead inside.

Bridge over the river Danube

The Hungarians are building a new bridge and are letting the public name it. With such a rich history you’d think the new bridge would be named "Pato Pal" after a character in a poem by Hungary's favourite poet Sandor Petoffi. A name synonymous with people who do not want to spend money.

Or Szent Istvan, after the founder of the Hungarian state. Sadly he is languishing in ninth place with only 2000 votes just slightly ahead of the suggestion "It'll never happen bridge."

If voting ended today, the bridge would be called....wait for it....the Chuck Norris Bridge. Is there anything he can’t do.

"On your left by the beautiful waters of Danube is the Royal Palace and if you’ll direct your attention to the right you’ll see the newly constructed Chuck Norris Bridge."

The poll closes on September 8 so get those Chuck Norris votes in now!

Waldo vs Johnny

Thanks to all those who played "Where's Johnny Wad" over the past few weeks. Although there were a few of you who failed to see the humor and stated your opinion as such. Let's just say if I were to build a bridge and have it named by a readership poll it would be called the "You suck" or "Eat my shit" bridge.

So for those of you who feel my often twisted views are not your cup, I present to you a traditional, "Where's Waldo." Enjoy.

New Release this week: Actually, it's too bloody early in the week to tell you, but I do recommend this gem. The McKeithen's- Self titiled. I think there's a fifth member but he's trapped in the Mother's hair.

Wiarton Johnny

A few weeks ago I reported the passing of Wiarton’s beloved prognosticating albino groundhog Willie. Since his untimely demise, the search has been on for Willie’s replacement, otherwise how would we ever know when Spring was coming?

I’m happy to say, after an extensive exploration, a suitable successor has been found. Ladies and gentlemen, say hello to Johnny Winter......or maybe I should say Johnny Spring?

Look at him. He looks so pensive. You can just tell Ol' Wiarton Johnny has got his mind on the arrival of next Spring already.

Ode du toilet

A source revealed to Britain's Daily Mirror newspaper that Madonna must have a new toilet seat installed, with an unbroken seal, by plumbers before every gig. It's all here if you think I'm shitting you. (no pun intended)

Madonna's US spokesperson Liz Rosenburg has defended her seemingly outrageous demands. She said: "Who wouldn't want a new toilet seat wherever they go."

The bizarre request is just one of many of the crazy tour demands. She also requires three candles to protect her from negative vibes and mean-spiritedness.

Oh, like peeing on the seat, or leaving a floater in the bowl?

The seat must also be destroyed after the performance to prevent resale on Ebay.

How will I ever complete my collection now?

I do x 4

Pam Anderson and Kid Rock will be married in Paris, and L.A., Oh, and Michigan, and let's not forget Tennessee.

Hey Pam what about Vancouver? Or are the only roots you remember at the base of that blonde mop of yours.

Later, on a date to be announced, the newlyweds will be divorced in Topeka, Mozambique, Sacramento, and Walla Walla.

I scream....how about you?

Ok, if there was any doubt about the French trying to trigger armageddon let me tell you about the new Parisian rage: mustard icecream. Oh but it doesn't stop there my friends. How about goat cheese and asparagus ice cream?

Don't know about you, but I’m getting ideas of the perfect wedding gift for Pam and Kid.

With a name like Lance did you expect any different?

Lance Bass, former NSYNC member has announced he's gay. Is anyone surprised by this?

I mean let's just look at what's in a name shall we?

Lance: A long spear-like weapon with a wooden shaft and pointed steel head used for piercing your opponent when charging. Nuff said.

So much for the model marriage

Christie Brinkley has left husband Peter Cook after it was disclosed he had an affair with an 18 year old assistant. Cook has since publically stated it was "stupid" and he's "sorry" in an effort to win back his model wife, saying, "the next time something like this happens, I'll feel even more stupid and twice as sorry."

Yawn

The results are in and it appears that bazillions watched the World Cup the most boring game on the planet.....alright maybe it's slightly better than Rock-Paper-Scissors.

All this tells me is soccer fans are easily amused.

Man headbutts horse

First Zinedine Zidane, now this. See, what did I tell you about soccer fans.

Hey Buddy keep your shirt on

The Brits are trying to pass a law where fat guys have to keep their shirts on in public apparently with the recent heat in many parts of the globe, the beer-bellies have been ubiquitous especially on the streets of London.

Maybe we need something similar here to combat the exposure of the Molson-muscle? It would be a nice compliment to the law already in effect where women are allowed to take their shirts off.

Reality check

Monopoly is releasing a new updated version of the game in a effort to make it more realistic with today’s audience.

Players will now collect 2 million for passing go.

Oh yeah that's much more realistic.

Gone is the multicolored money among other staples of the original. Players will now use credit cards and swipe for transactions. Community chest "beauty contest" will be replaced with "reality show winner," etc.

Personally I think they should take it a step further if they want the realism. With 2 mill for passing go, I think you should be shot at or robbed when you move your piece through the slummy areas. You should also be able to set up grow-ops and sell drugs to your opponents when they land on your space......get back to me when they make those changes.

What’s up Docks

Famed Toronto nightclub "The Docks" had their liquor licence pulled this week after continuous complaints from Toronto Island residents over noise levels.

Let's look at this logically. 600 people reside on Toronto Island and pay like zilch in taxes. Where as, the Docks pays millions into govenment coffers annually, employs a staff of 400, contributes to tourism, local economy, provides kittens for the homeless, and I speak from experience, is by far a more exciting place to be.

Seems to me the choice is obvious....The Docks has to go......Long live the Evil Empire!

He's not just political, he makes a hell of a rib

Two very sticky thumbs up to the Mississauga Ribfest GIGC and I attended last weekend.

My favorite, hands down was Turtle Jack’s half-rack although honorable mention goes to The Mayor of Mitchieville confident Fenris Badwolf for his chicken and rib combo with all the fixin’s

Great Big Hep C

This week the Canadian Federal Government announced more compensation for what they called "the silent victims" of the tainted blood scandle in which thousands of Canadians contracted Hepititis C while receiving transfusions. As per usual I have a comment on the subject.

*spotlight*

*thumping beat*

Sometimes I feel....I’ve got to (bomp bomp)...find away
To get some (bomp bomp)...free money
For all the pain hep is causing me

The pain we share..... seems to go nowhere
Cause my heatlth it fades....and my bills aren’t paid which makes me afraid

Once I ran to you....I ran ....Now I run from you

This tainted blood you’ve given
Doesn’t make my life worth livin'
Take my tainted blood and then give me cash

Tainted blood ohwohohwoh Tainted blood
My bad kidneys are bringin’ me down to my knees
And my liver is nearly dead and I’ve been passed over like unleavened bread.

Tainted blood.....TAINTED BLOOD.

New release this week: Stone Sour- Come What (ever) May

But I recommend:

I Ain't Into That!

The Rappin' Reverend Dr. C. Dexter Wise III

Free copies for people who live on Toronto Island.

So much for the $750,000

Last week, when GIGC and I were at our palatial estate on the banks of Lake St. Clair, Keith Urban, with his new bride Nicole Kidman in tow, was performing, in of all places, Sarnia’s Bayfest. It was his first live gig since their blessed nuptials.

Not only that, but the paparazzi were in full force trying to capture a picture of the two practicing CPR on one another.

Apparently such a picture was worth 750,000 smackers.

Not one to pass up a financial opportunity like this, I wanted to join the fray.

Despite her protests, as I had to stand on her shoulders and eventually her head, GIGC agreed to help me. With great effort and one final push of my foot to her forehead, I managed to scale the wall surrounding their honeymoon compound.

Dropping to the ground with an audible grunt, I found myself in the back stage area marked "Resticted access! No cameras, or flash photography". Through 50 feet of razor wire, 4 hungry pitbulls, and an angry henchman named Todd, I stealthly navigated my way into forbidden territory.

Finally the quest for the Grail was nearing the end. There they stood just off to the left of the stage, their hands with fingers entwined, their eyes locked in a passionate gaze, ready to engage in a moment of intamacy.

Sweating and bleeding profusely, I struggled to lift my camera with broken arms, (thanks a bunch Todd), to get the picture of Keith and Nicloe’s much sought after lip-lock. An image that had eluded so many of the professional photographers.

And now, I'm happy to say, here is the picture of the tonsil-hockey exclusively for you my readership.

They're right there! I swear! Look at the guy in the blue shirt. He saw them. Does he not look like he's gazing in awe at the eternal spring of new love?

Anyway, send cheque or money order to Strange, care of strangedaze101.blogspot.com. 10% of the proceeds will go to the youth organization Children for a Better Mitchieville

Have I got a deal for you

Well, actually you have to be Canadian, so it’s really not for everyone. But It’s a deal for virtually a free cruise. Doesn't that sound appealing?....the only catch?

You have to find your own way to Lebanon.

Que Sera Sera

Trying to keep punks from hanging out and street racing, a municipality in Australia has resorted to blaring the music of Barry Manilow and Doris Day to curb the youth activity. It has worked tremendously except people who live in the area keep moving too....Yeah to the Copacabana I'll bet.

More death please

Originally I was going to post this last week but I couldn’t stop laughing until now.

Ok, I’ll admit death isn’t funny, especially for family and friends effected by the loss. And it wasn’t the guy's death that I found funny. It was the media coverage of the event that had me all shits and giggles.

You see the man in question was found by his wife, shot in the head, and with another male also shot in the head......I know, I know. It's still not hilarious.

However, it turned out the other deceased male companion was a transvestite. Again not funny for friends and family.

Now, I must have heard the report a dozen times the day it happened, and it was always reported the same way.

"Man found shot to death with TRANSVESTITE"

It’s not bad enough the poor little bugger has come to some foul end at the hands of another, he will forever be known as the guy who died with a "TRANSVESTITE".

Canadian Bakin’

Boy, there have been some mighty humid days of late, and torrential downpours to go with it.

I find it strange. Every time we have a storm or, even unsettled weather, there are a flood of calls to report funnel clouds and tornados touching down.

When did we start getting all these tornados? When I was growing up I can remember maybe two. One in Barrie and one in Saskatchewan when I was out that way.

Now they’re everywhere. Ripping the roofs off houses, overturning vehicles, stealing cigarettes....it’s ridiculous.

*Breaking News* "Man found dead with TRANSVESTITE!"......admit it. It made you laugh.

They’re together...they’re apart...they’re together again.

Avril Lavigne married that guy this week.....You know the one I mean?.......I don’t know his name....the guy from Simple Plan Blink 41.....or some such......ah who cares?

Dave Navaro split from Carmen Electra this week or maybe it was the other way around......that's Carmen on the left I think...... Anyhoo at least Dennis Rodman’s still out there isn’t he?

Wonder if Dave would be interested?


Pamala Anderson has announced not only is she back with Kid Rock she’s going to marry him. Man......He must beat the hell out of her. I can’t see any other reason she’d be back with him. Do you?

Sorry I couldn't find a picture of her sporting bruises, but it's obvious from this image, she's just taken a roundhouse to the face from Kid.





The Drive-in: It’s not just for making out anymore

Yes friends the Ol’ Drive-in is making a comeback, or at least that’s what I’m hearing. With first run movies, go-carts, arcades, up-graded sound systems and better dining choices, (what’s wrong with the old hotdog machines and stale popcorn?), they are making a pitch to be more family friendly.

You know what? Just call me when they put in the Rub-and-Tugs.

It’s a hole in one....a hole in one....a hole in one

No there isn’t an echo in here, that’s what some guy.....ok his name is Stewart got when he was golfing in Edinburgh. Three hole in ones, in three consecutive weeks on the same hole at his local golf course using his trusty nine iron.

I’m told the odds of this happening are 2 trillion to one.

Oh yeah! I say big deal....why just last week when I was playing with GIGC I got three consecutive hole-in-ones on the same hole. And that my friends is by using the same club, (sometimes I call it my trusy nine iron), and the balls I always use....top that.

New release: Muse- Black Holes and Revelations












But I recommend: John Bult- Julie's Sixteenth Birthday

It's full of beer, smokes and hurtin' music. Check it out.

Shit! It's got to be better than a cocktail of Barry Manilow and Doris Day.....

Johnny Wad is still hiding....can you find him?

Where's Johnny Wad # 27


Where's Johnny Wad #362




Where's Johnny Wad #879




Where's Johnny Wad #1564
Where's Johnny Wad infinity + 1




Where's Johnny Wad Platinum Series





Shit he's just not trying anymore.

Find JW

Where's Johnny Wad? #3

Where's Johnny Wad? #4

Where's Godzilla Johnny Wad?

Find Johnny Wad

Alright children. It's time to play the Pottahawk game, "Where's Johnny Wad?" It's similar to "Where's Waldo?" I'll give you a picture of Pottahawk and somewhere in that photo you have to find Johnny Wad.

I'm going to start you off with a couple of easy ones.....ah who am I kiddin'?....there all easy. If they weren't easy, they wouldn't be funny.

So, in the words of Marty DeBergi, "Enough of my yakin'. What do you say? Let's boogie."

Find Johnny Wad #1




Find Johnny Wad #2

Week of death

I'll explain later from our retreat on the banks of lake St. Clair.......and if you haven't already, scroll down for the Pottahawk Piss-up Pics.

Shine on you crazy diamond

By now anyone who is, or was a Pink Floyd fan, has learned of the passing of Floyd co-founder Syd Barrett who died this week at the age of 60.

Damn it! It doesn't stop there. You've got Israel at loggerheads with the Lebanese blowing shit up with people dying.

You've got three dead from a Canadian Helicopter crash while it was on a training mission. What are the odds of a 50 year old helicopter crashing? God help us if we ever go to war.

You've even got the North Koreans killing innocent fish by lobbing missiles into the Sea of Japan.

Apparently India's the bomb, as a terrorist strike on the subway system there killed 140 plus. Frickin' idiots. Didn't they realize it's no longer called Bombay?

Do I have to rant on? Red Buttons, The Who back from the grave for a new tour, the frickin' death of celebrity groundhog Wiarton Willie.......It's all so depressing. Death everywhere. Despite Walmarts declaration, they will no longer prosecute shoplifters who snatch items under $25, I can't help but feeling this world is going to hell in a hand basket.

Is it any wonder Canada didn't crack the top 100 of happiest nations in the Happy Planet Index? We finished 111 mostly do to complaints like those above. In fact, no G8 country slipped into the top 50. Italy fared best at 66th BTW.

Do you know the happiest place to live on this earth? Well, do ya punk!?

Vanuatu! That's where! Where the fuck is Vanuatu?!

Jesus, all they need now is a frickin' Walmart where they can steal stuff and there'll be no catching those happy bastards.



New release this week: Thom Yorke- The Eraser












But I recommend: Joyce
Why? Because first, it's cheap. See! Only 50 cents. Secondly, she also sounds remarkably like Thom Yorke yet looks like someone put Leo Sayer and Richard Simmons in a Brundle Pod together......*shudder*

You just can't buy entertainment value like that anymore.

Pottahawk Piss-up 2006 revisited

Ok! Here are some of the pictures from Pottahawk......now quit buggin' me.

6:00 AM- It's still early

Back from the grave. Again we were blessed with the presence of Johnny Wad. Wow! It just goes to show you the power of a freakishly large male appendage.

Hey Ladies! Yeah, but from the front they look like Richard Branson's father. Go here to see what I mean.

Tennille greases Strange up. There's no a girlie alive that can out-swim a greased Scotsman.

One for Tennille Either the Captain got a little too close to the chip-dip, or Tennille put the 40 sunscreen on her vagina again.

A gaggle of Waifs.....it's called a gaggle right? Or is it a flock of quim? All I know is, I ended up beating my dick like it owed me money.

Concerned party goers try to avoid angry, giant, floating head.

He's still standing. I'm not sure Johnny has any legs? Is it just me, or does the water below him look suspiciously yellow?

Gilligan, the Professor and Mary Ann. Despite best efforts with the Boz Special, we could not surpass the point of inebriation by Stu 10:17 . I think it was shortly after 11:00 before we threw out the first drunk....

Bill and Ted's Excellent Pottahawk Adventure

Under duress at knife point, I was forced to take this picture for the ladies.

"Hey Dude! Check it. Where are ya?......next to the white boat?.....cool......we're on our way."

One for Strange. Ok, the zoom on my camera sucks ass. But forget that.....who wears jeans to Pottahawk....honestly?

Awwwww! So cute......and they were yummy on the B.B.Q. too.

Save a horse ride a Cowgirl? Works for me.

Entering Broadway three strings of beads short and four beers empty.

Note: Still waiting for the rest of the pictures including the one of GIGC and I. Sorry the x-rated ones are for subscribers only. However, come back next week to play the Pottahawk game, "Where's Johnny Wad?"

Otherwise I'll see you in 2007 for "Pottahawk - The Musical."

Here's a sample:

Beads.....beads for sale

They're going cheap......only two dollars

Beads....yes these beads for sale

Or show me your breasts....and they're yours for nothing

It's sure to be a big hit on Broadway.