But, with out further delay, let's get on with it and spank this monkey.
Losing sleep over counting sheep
Norman Goulet, a rancher from St. Claude, south of Portage la Prairie, Manitoba, has had his sheep rustled three times in the past three years. The latest heist took place earlier this month.
Sheep missing in Manitoba? Buddy do you need me to spell it out for you?
I’ve been to Manitoba. Outside of Siberia and Antarctica it’s the loneliest, coldest place on the planet. I bet if you checked you’d find an unexplained increase in the purchase of high heels, fishnets, and rubber boots.
At least that’s how we used to do it back on the farm.
To sleep perchance to catch an infectious disease
Paris Hilton is auctioning off her king-sized bed, mattress, crusty sheets, and scuziod pillows. The only thing missing from the bid, and for good reason, is one of those CSI black-light crime-scene kits.
Paris will donate 10% of the proceeds to charity. Wow! A whopping 10% Are you sure you can afford it Paris?
Saddly there is already extensive interest from various idiots, who I'm sure, will only want to add to the items questionable nature by jerking-off on it.
Go here be an idiot.
Paramount no longer on Cruise control
Paramount pictures has decided to sever ties with actor Tom Cruise sighting his unusual and troubling behavior over the past months. Who didn’t see this coming?......
Personally I’m not big on Cruise and his acting. His characters always seemed a bit recycled. I don’t even know why I posted this when there are more important stories out there......like.....
Moo laddie
Some Irish farmers agree their cows moo in regional dialects.
I'm not sure if they came to this conclusion sober or after several pints but.......Bessie with a baroque? Seems like a lot of bull to me.
Czech out the porn
And that’s what many Swedish viewers did when they tuned in for their nightly news cast. Images of Czech porn played on a TV monitor in the background while an unsuspecting announcer delivered the news.
I’ll bet they had record numbers of viewers the next night. After all, porn is the universal language. No subtitles needed. If they'd only let it, I'm sure it could end all conflict, heal the sick, replace all dietary supplements, give us all inspiration to get through the work week, and reveal the meaning of life.
It was a Mickey Mouse planet anyway
Scientists met this week to decide over the addition of three new planets to our solar system. At the end of the debate, they instead demoted Pluto to just another orbit thingy from its previous planet status.
I agree whole heartedly. In fact I've always maintained that.......wait for it.......
the universe should end with Uranus. *ba-dum-ba*
Echoing the gecko
Scientists are working on new super-stick, reusable adhesive. The principle is based on the millions of tiny hairs found on the gecko which allow the creature to attach itself to any surface, even glass.
Hmm.....If only Paramount had been able to get their hands of some of it, Tom Cruise might still be there.
Playing the Amazing Race card
The buzz over the new TV season is all about Survivor and how they will segregate contestants into four tribes of five, based on ethnicity: Asian, Black, Hispanic and Caucasian.
This is causing an uproar with the general public who see this as a racist, motivated move to increase ratings.
Personally I think it’s about time we had the Chinks, Jigs, Spics and that crazy Ol’ Cracker "Whitey" face one another to determine the superior race. Sieg Heil!.......
RELAX PEOPLE! IT"S A TV SHOW!.....geesh! What sensitive mother fuckers.
New Release this week:
Paris (hey....It will go with your new bed.)But I recommend:
Hey Mr. Banjo........and you Survivor protesters can just fuck-off.
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