Thursday, August 03, 2006

Abbreviated week

That’s because I, and most of the Mayor’s inner cabinet are taking off to camp Mitchieville for the weekend to plan campaign strategies. Usually that also involves the mass consumption of alcohol, imported dancing trollops, and the introduction of raw meat to flame.

After this week we need a break, as the temperature in Mitchieville reached the upper echelon destroying several records in the process.

How hot was it?

It was so hot even the drive-by shooters were keeping the windows up and the AC cranked.

Beyond Stupidome or Lethal Blunder

OK, so Mad Mel flew off the handle this week and lost it. In the process irreparably damaging his career.

I’m not going to rehash what’s already been beat to death by the media. But let me ask you this. After "The Passion of The Christ" should the Jews really be surprised at the racial slurs coming from Ol' Braveheart?

Seems Mr. Gibson can fatten the pig, he just can't bring home the bacon........damn it!...... no discourtesy meant to my Jewish friends.....Jesus!......opps....once again I apologize.

Gasalino Royal

The New Bond film, "Casino Royal," will be delayed possibly seven months, as a fire raged through the main set and destroyed much of it.

Apparently someone other than myself doesn’t think Daniel Craig would make a good Bond.

Daniel Radcliffe to expose his hairy potter

Yes-sir-ee-bob, the young rapscallion star of the Harry Potter films is set to expose his wand in a revival of Peter Shaffer's "Equus", on the London stage.

Teenage pin-up Radcliffe will play an emotionally-troubled boy prone to nudity and the blinding of horses.

Tickets are already a hot item. Get that little wizard chick to join him then we’ll talk.

For what eels ya

For more than 30 years, crowds have flocked to the small English fishing village of Lyme Regis to watch an annual tradition - two teams of fishermen standing on wooden platforms as human bowling pins, hurling a dead giant eel at each other. But the ritual was abruptly abandoned after an animal rights activist threatened to draw negative publicity to the latest tournament.

The practice, known as conger cuddling, ( funny, that's what GIGC and I call it after coitus), is the annual highlight in the small coastal town about 155 miles southwest of London. The object of the game is to knock the opposing team off the platform by swinging a 25-pound eel at them.

How will we ever go on with out this activity? I don't know about you, but I feel a little dead inside.

Bridge over the river Danube

The Hungarians are building a new bridge and are letting the public name it. With such a rich history you’d think the new bridge would be named "Pato Pal" after a character in a poem by Hungary's favourite poet Sandor Petoffi. A name synonymous with people who do not want to spend money.

Or Szent Istvan, after the founder of the Hungarian state. Sadly he is languishing in ninth place with only 2000 votes just slightly ahead of the suggestion "It'll never happen bridge."

If voting ended today, the bridge would be called....wait for it....the Chuck Norris Bridge. Is there anything he can’t do.

"On your left by the beautiful waters of Danube is the Royal Palace and if you’ll direct your attention to the right you’ll see the newly constructed Chuck Norris Bridge."

The poll closes on September 8 so get those Chuck Norris votes in now!

Waldo vs Johnny

Thanks to all those who played "Where's Johnny Wad" over the past few weeks. Although there were a few of you who failed to see the humor and stated your opinion as such. Let's just say if I were to build a bridge and have it named by a readership poll it would be called the "You suck" or "Eat my shit" bridge.

So for those of you who feel my often twisted views are not your cup, I present to you a traditional, "Where's Waldo." Enjoy.

New Release this week: Actually, it's too bloody early in the week to tell you, but I do recommend this gem. The McKeithen's- Self titiled. I think there's a fifth member but he's trapped in the Mother's hair.

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