I’m happy to say, after an extensive exploration, a suitable successor has been found. Ladies and gentlemen, say hello to Johnny Winter......or maybe I should say Johnny Spring?
Look at him. He looks so pensive. You can just tell Ol' Wiarton Johnny has got his mind on the arrival of next Spring already.
Ode du toilet
A source revealed to Britain's Daily Mirror newspaper that Madonna must have a new toilet seat installed, with an unbroken seal, by plumbers before every gig. It's all here if you think I'm shitting you. (no pun intended)
Madonna's US spokesperson Liz Rosenburg has defended her seemingly outrageous demands. She said: "Who wouldn't want a new toilet seat wherever they go."
The bizarre request is just one of many of the crazy tour demands. She also requires three candles to protect her from negative vibes and mean-spiritedness.
Oh, like peeing on the seat, or leaving a floater in the bowl?
The seat must also be destroyed after the performance to prevent resale on Ebay.
How will I ever complete my collection now?
I do x 4
Pam Anderson and Kid Rock will be married in Paris, and L.A., Oh, and Michigan, and let's not forget Tennessee.
Hey Pam what about Vancouver? Or are the only roots you remember at the base of that blonde mop of yours.
Later, on a date to be announced, the newlyweds will be divorced in Topeka, Mozambique, Sacramento, and Walla Walla.
I scream....how about you?
Ok, if there was any doubt about the French trying to trigger armageddon let me tell you about the new Parisian rage: mustard icecream. Oh but it doesn't stop there my friends. How about goat cheese and asparagus ice cream?
Don't know about you, but I’m getting ideas of the perfect wedding gift for Pam and Kid.
With a name like Lance did you expect any different?
Lance Bass, former NSYNC member has announced he's gay. Is anyone surprised by this?
I mean let's just look at what's in a name shall we?
Lance: A long spear-like weapon with a wooden shaft and pointed steel head used for piercing your opponent when charging. Nuff said.
So much for the model marriage
Christie Brinkley has left husband Peter Cook after it was disclosed he had an affair with an 18 year old assistant. Cook has since publically stated it was "stupid" and he's "sorry" in an effort to win back his model wife, saying, "the next time something like this happens, I'll feel even more stupid and twice as sorry."
Yawn
The results are in and it appears that bazillions watched the World Cup the most boring game on the planet.....alright maybe it's slightly better than Rock-Paper-Scissors.
All this tells me is soccer fans are easily amused.
Man headbutts horse
First Zinedine Zidane, now this. See, what did I tell you about soccer fans.
Hey Buddy keep your shirt on
The Brits are trying to pass a law where fat guys have to keep their shirts on in public apparently with the recent heat in many parts of the globe, the beer-bellies have been ubiquitous especially on the streets of London.
Maybe we need something similar here to combat the exposure of the Molson-muscle? It would be a nice compliment to the law already in effect where women are allowed to take their shirts off.
Reality check
Monopoly is releasing a new updated version of the game in a effort to make it more realistic with today’s audience.
Players will now collect 2 million for passing go.
Oh yeah that's much more realistic.
Gone is the multicolored money among other staples of the original. Players will now use credit cards and swipe for transactions. Community chest "beauty contest" will be replaced with "reality show winner," etc.
Personally I think they should take it a step further if they want the realism. With 2 mill for passing go, I think you should be shot at or robbed when you move your piece through the slummy areas. You should also be able to set up grow-ops and sell drugs to your opponents when they land on your space......get back to me when they make those changes.
What’s up Docks
Famed Toronto nightclub "The Docks" had their liquor licence pulled this week after continuous complaints from Toronto Island residents over noise levels.
Let's look at this logically. 600 people reside on Toronto Island and pay like zilch in taxes. Where as, the Docks pays millions into govenment coffers annually, employs a staff of 400, contributes to tourism, local economy, provides kittens for the homeless, and I speak from experience, is by far a more exciting place to be.
Seems to me the choice is obvious....The Docks has to go......Long live the Evil Empire!
He's not just political, he makes a hell of a rib
Two very sticky thumbs up to the Mississauga Ribfest GIGC and I attended last weekend.
My favorite, hands down was Turtle Jack’s half-rack although honorable mention goes to The Mayor of Mitchieville confident Fenris Badwolf for his chicken and rib combo with all the fixin’s
Great Big Hep C
This week the Canadian Federal Government announced more compensation for what they called "the silent victims" of the tainted blood scandle in which thousands of Canadians contracted Hepititis C while receiving transfusions. As per usual I have a comment on the subject.
*spotlight*
*thumping beat*
Sometimes I feel....I’ve got to (bomp bomp)...find away
To get some (bomp bomp)...free money
For all the pain hep is causing me
The pain we share..... seems to go nowhere
Cause my heatlth it fades....and my bills aren’t paid which makes me afraid
Once I ran to you....I ran ....Now I run from you
This tainted blood you’ve given
Doesn’t make my life worth livin'
Take my tainted blood and then give me cash
Tainted blood ohwohohwoh Tainted blood
My bad kidneys are bringin’ me down to my knees
And my liver is nearly dead and I’ve been passed over like unleavened bread.
Tainted blood.....TAINTED BLOOD.
New release this week: Stone Sour- Come What (ever) May
But I recommend:
I Ain't Into That!
The Rappin' Reverend Dr. C. Dexter Wise III
Free copies for people who live on Toronto Island.
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