Since I will be away, yet again, this weekend and since Jose Marrone is not available, having previous obligations judging the finalists at his villages "Best One Legged Prostitute" competition, I will be regurgitating "News and Reviews" from the past.
As a compromise it will also include some of Jose's posts as translated by his wife.
So here are "News and Reviews Rechewed" from 2007.
You have the Wong number
China has been forced to mull the possibility of allowing double-barrelled surnames in a break with the ancient tradition that citizens adopt one of a hundred single character surnames.
The top ten Chinese surnames are: Wang, Li, Zhang, Liu, Chen, Yang, Huang, Zhao, Zhou, Wu.
The official total of permitted surnames is 161, but this doesn't do much to offset the fact that there are now 93 million Wangs in China - albeit very tiny wangs- something which is causing the authorities a bit of a problem.
Proposed additions to surnames are: Hung Low, Sum Yung Guy, Jones, Smith, Wong Way, Biff, and Angel-Drawers- just to name a few.
Police Official, Xang Biff Angel-Drawers, explained that "there are so many people who share an identity that it is becoming confusing", a name like Wang Tao is shared by no less than 100,000 people. "You can see how police work can be very difficult."
Cheee! Soy feliz de expresar mis pensamientos en noticias de mundo.
Hello again. I Jose wife, and I translate Jose. He say "He happy to be able to share his....how you say?.....'thinks' with the people on world news".
The answer is Owen in the wind
The incident on Sunday afternoon that landed actor Owen Wilson in the hospital was called in to police as a suicide attempt, according to Santa Monica Police Department phone logs.
According to the records, a call was received at 12:08 p.m. on Sunday for an incident listed as "attempt suicide." Wilson remains in stable condition at Cedars-Sinai Medical Center in Beverly Hills, California.
Este hombre es un cobarde. Cuán puedele más explica alguien que mira tan bueno que mi esposa lame su cartel como lo está hecho de frijoles refritos. El finalmente Le debe haber mirado Mí y Dupree. Eso es lo que lo manejó sobre la orilla.
Jose say,"Owen is a coward"- He is not!
Jose also say, "He good looking and I lick his poster at night like it's made of refried beans"- I do not!
Jose also say, "Owen must have finally watched 'You Me and Dupree' That's what drove him to try to kill himself.- Jose is sleeping on the couch tonight!
Big breast is not so bestest
Studies now concur, women who have had breast augmentation.....here's my chance to insert a picture of a overly large breasted woman
......are three times more likely to commit suicide or to die from drug or alcohol dependence.
Really, I can empathise with these women. Why, after I had my penis extension I thought about ending it several times. Personally, I think their mortality rate is tied in to the fact they get given more free drugs and alcohol than their budgie-sized-breast counterparts. But that's just me and my giant penis talking.
Fire officials in Greece say progress is being made in fighting deadly wildfires sweeping the country but many fires are not yet contained.
The fires have claimed at least 63 lives and burned numerous villages and thousands of hectares of forest.
Estas personas son estúpidas. Haga ellos no saben que usted es supuesto poner bicarbonato de soda en un fuego de grasa?
Jose say, " Don't people know baking soda is best to use on grease fire?"
Look out Barbie
Twelve inches high, these soft plush toys come in three beloved Bible characters ?
Moses, Esther and, of course, Jesus complete with biblical messages.
Like what? "Please don't crucify me." and "Thou shall not worship other plush dolls."
The doll's voice is activated when the child hugs its red heart. The simple but profound messages the dolls speak are at the heart of what these lovable teaching tools are all about. Here's a sample of those messages:-- I love you and I have an exciting plan for your life. (Jesus: Jeremiah 29:11)--
Say Jesus, did that plan including living paycheck to paycheck, with the government busting my balls for money I owe them, 7 STD's, a rare form of prostate cancer and a partridge...in a pear tree?
Sorry, I couldn't find out if the dolls were anatomically correct or not. "Moses' rope belt is hanging out of his robe. hey! That's not his rope!"
From Dog to God
NFL star quarterback Michael Vick pleaded guilty yesterday to a dogfighting charge, then took his first steps toward what he hopes will be redemption. Saying "I need to grow up," the quarterback apologized to the league and to the "young kids that I've let down who look at Michael Vick as a role model." He also said he has found God.
Jose say, "Michael Vick is a good and honorable man. Dog fighting an honorable sport. He bet all the time with his aunts, uncles, grandparents, nieces, nephews and children back in Mexico" He say, " Vick should be hailed as a hero not a criminal".....but Jose wrong!
Qué es usted le haciendo mujerzuela grande???
I say he should be locked up for long time- And don't call me a slut Jose. You are already sleeping on the couch remember?- If Vick has truely found God, let us pray that he doesn't drown, shoot or electrocute our heavenly father too.....
Eso es suficiente usted vaca gorda!!!!
Usted duerme mejor con el pene en una mano y el sissors en el otro.....usted pedo parcialmente calvo viejo!
Translate easily here.
Cross posted on Mitchievillisimo