A catagory 5 week

It’s been a busy week and I have a feeling my fingers are going to be tired by the end of this post.

Simon Weisenthal died this week. He is best known for his ability to hunt down Nazi war criminals and bring them to justice. He died quietly in his bed. He was 96...

Now, who is going to do his work? Who is going to search for those decrepit old Germans in their depends, breathing from an oxygen tank? Who is going to see those offensive octogenarians are wheeled in and made accountable for there actions 60 years ago? With or without teeth, they are still dangerous individuals, or grandparents, and must be found. Who will do this? Who? I ask you Who? The public still needs to be protected from these monsters.

Why are all the nasty, violent, most destructive hurricanes always named after women? Don’t talk to me about Andrew. Andrew was a girlie man or a non-homonormative as Fenris would call him. I mean you never hear about the devastation caused by Hurricane Earl, Len or Jim-Bob.

I have come to the conclusion, it is because, as males, we think about sex way too much, (me? Every 15 seconds.) We don’t have time to develop into a category 5 storm.

Another alarming trend? Every time one of these babies hits, the price of gas goes through the roof and I have no money left in my wallet. Do you see the connection yet? Hurricane chicks = no money left in your pocket. I rest my case.

Then there’s a 160 km traffic jam out of Houston. For you people still on the Imperial system of measurement, a km is like playing leap-frog when you were a kid, to the corner store that is a half a mile away, give-or-take, ....160 times.

The gridlock is from people trying to escape impending doom from Hurricane Rita, a hurricane that has no one left to kill because they're all on the highway. Twenty-four people have already died when the bus evacuating them caught fire and blew up. Oh...the irony.

Tyra Banks has a new talk show and one of her first guests was a doctor there to put to rest the rumors of Ms. Banks breast enhancement. So, after all the men were escorted from the studio by armed guards, because they can’t be trusted around exposed female body parts, the doctor poked and prodded and jiggled, and tweezed, Tyra’s mammalian protuberances, from the protective safety of a some-what wet, cotton, male under garment, and proved once and for all, her breasts are not only real, they’re spectacular.

Kate Moss was caught doing cocaine and now her sponsors are dropping her faster than whorehouse knickers. Personally I don’t care. Have you ever seen a model’s feet? They’re usually repulsive from being shoved into pumps from the moment of womb departure. I’d rather stick my beef syringe into a deliciously, microwaved cantaloupe than tackle those boney digits.

If you want some nice feet go here or visit Linds. Now there's some nice eatin'.....mmmm women's feet.....awwwgh

Ok so the public is a little panic stricken over the gas issue. Thursday there was a rumor that fuel was going over $2 bucks a litre because of Rita. For you people still on the Imperial system of measurement, a litre is like sticking a thimble into a gallon to scoop out some gas.

So, on my drive home I had to laugh at the long lineups at every dispenser of petrol I passed. The cars were stretched for blocks in all directions with waiting time as high as 2 hours. I heard there was even a few fights that broke out over line-cutting and one poor chap was beaten senseless with a tire-iron.

In fact, the only smart individual, was the guy who took the opportunity to drive off in the chaos without paying $57.50 for his fuel. Next day gas was still at the same price and I decided to fill the tank....took me a minute and a half.

Oh to be Joe Volpe charging expensive dinners to the tax payers, or Conrad Black’s right hand man siphoning millions off unsuspecting industry. I’d like a suckle of those teats. Seems the only way to get ahead these days is to lie, cheat and steal. From the way everyone is doing it, it must be easy, like shooting pre-schoolers in a barrel....or is that supposed to be fish?

You think Texas and N.O. have problems? Talk to the people of Outer Mongolia who were enjoying a nice summer day when the temperature suddenly dropped 50 degrees in the space of a few hours. For you people on the metric system 50 degrees is big. It’s way worse than 6 degrees of Kevin Bacon.

People actually died from hypothermia. Can you believe that? If they only had a fireworks factory that had exploded, I would have won a lot of money.

This all brings a serious question to mind. Who in their right mind would live in Outer Mongolia?


Someone has published a paperback for busy people on the go, who don’t have the time to read. It’s called the 100 minute bible. It’s expected to be a big seller. Well, save your money. I can do this in 10 seconds....ut hem...Bang! Life begins, good, evil, burning bush, 10 commandments, blah, blah, blah, demon blah, walk on water, resurrection, George Clooney, more demon blah, Bang world ends.....whew!

I wrote bang twice...

*thinking about sex* Gotta go.