Worse? How could it be worse? Jehovah, Jehovah!

I almost got through the week without ranting, but I can only bite my tongue for so long. My lack of posting of late is due to my brain sponge trying to digest the overload of asinine information that is the Land Exterminator Exam. The title alone insists that I should be learning to blow shit up...real good! Nothing could be farther from the truth.

Instead they teach you stuff like, how The European chaffer will suck the grass dry if you let them, (Prostitutes have nothing on this little fella.)
Or how certain grubs hibernate in snowy climbs, depending on whether their anus has a Y shaped vent or a V shaped opening. I’ve had equations and calculations up the yin-yang, legislation concerning aquatic marine vegetation, species of insects from Chinch bug to Beetle, PCP numbers, and I simply don't care anymore.

I’ve tried everything to form some sort of retention. I tried to imagine that my family was being held for ransom and the only way to see them all alive again was to pass this test. I tried comparing my new knowledge to television shows things like Joanie loves Chinchy, 2-4-D something, Desperate House-pests, but nothing works. Even saying, "Ladies and Gentlemen welcome to the stage...The Beatles!" had no effect because there are 1.5 million species in the world. After a week of it... Argghhh! I’m ready to pull out body hairs one by one.

I don’t care if the Mouse-eared Chickweed has fibrous roots. I don’t give one hoot if the Birch Leafminer is really a tiny black sawfly. I couldn’t care less if Bromadoilone is the active ingredient in a single dose of anticoagulants. I don't care. I don't care! I DON"T CARE!

If I fail like 70% of my compatriots already have, then I get to take it all over again. Yea.... me!
I only wanted my licence so I could get a few more bucks an hour, but after this week I label my chances as slim, and none. Actually the Government are very pleased with the failure rate and if it weren’t so high, I’m told they would make the test even harder to compensate. It just goes you how fucked they all really are. I mean look at how well they handled the Air India case.

After this is all over on Monday I need something less stressful.....I know....I think I'll audition for the new "Lord or the Rings," musical that's coming to town. I think I'd make a good dancing and singing Gandalf.