Fuk-u-do-me

Kosuke Fukudome isn't just causing problems for the Cubs, he's also making life difficult for high school students in suburban Chicago, as 15-year-old Jill Howe discovered earlier this week.

The Elgin High School sophomore had to remove her Kosuke Fukudome jersey and wear a gym T-shirt to class Wednesday because of a misunderstanding about how to pronounce the All-Star right-fielder's last name.

"Someone stopped me in the hall and asked me what the back of my jersey said," Jill [Howe] said.

Seriously? There are people who live near Chicago who still haven't heard of him? Apparently so. Not only was the school staffer who stopped Jill oblivious but so was the school's dean. After Jill's mother called to complain later in the day, the assistant principal eventually agreed that Fukudome apparel would be allowed.

Chalk up one for that Jill chick. Little do they know she's probably sucking cock under the bleachers every noon hour.

Good thing he cleared that up; after Fuk-u-do-me's recent goose egg and subsequent benching, I'm sure there will be absolutely no one who will want to wear that jersey on purpose. You know what's really funny? It turns out that Fukudome's dwindling relevancy was largely responsible for this controversy in the first place:

"She's a big Cubs fan...

When she's not sucking cock!

...and we got the jersey at Dick's," said Jill's mom, Nancy Howe.

See! Even the sports store is phallic.

"We were going to get a [Kerry] Wood one, but it cost more."

Kerry Wood. Shit is this whole family obsessed with the penis?

If Fukudome had actually hit anything since the All-Star break maybe his jersey wouldn't be on the discount rack serving as a trap for budget-conscious students with clueless teachers lacking pop culture context.

Something tells me this shirt is going to be everywhere in the next few months. Not to mention a whole lot of teenage pregnancies sometime next summer.