Tuesday, May 06, 2008

They sure didn't make stuff like this for dogs when I was a kid

Gregg Miller is a man with a vision. Sadly, his vision is focused on your pet's testicles or, rather, the lack thereof.

A self professed "neurotic pet owner," Gregg is credited with the creation of the animal kingdom's answer to 44 DD's. Yes, the man invented testicular implants for neutered pets, the sick bastard.

After some research I discovered that humans can get Neuticle implants as well. Strictly for comedic purposes, we decided to find out just what kind of testicles I ... uh ... someone can have slapped in our ... uh ... their scrotum. I think the 2.75-inch Neuticles UltraPlus (with realistic firmness!) will look wonderful in my ... your ...

Ah, fuck it. I'm not ashamed to admit that huge balls and no baby-making juice sounds like a win-win to me.

Wonder if I should give One Ball Joe a call?

Beer for dogs.

Wait, let's say that again ... beer ... for ... dogs. Yup, still stupid.

Happy Tail Ale seems to be for pet owners that have taken alcoholism to such an extreme that the only drinking buddy they can find just so happens to be of the non-human variety. But maybe we're wrong. Maybe it's for the man that is so manly that he needs beef-flavored beer to accompany his beef-flavored beef.

Perhaps your neutered buddy is just depressed from you not getting him the neuticals he so richly deserves, you cheap bastard, and needs to drink himself into a drunken stupor with his alcoholic beef.

I wonder, If they can make beef-flavored beer for dogs, could they not make vagina flavoured beer?

What would you call a beer for pussies anyway? Oh yeah Coors lite.

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