Saturday, April 12, 2008

What's old is New Kids on the Block again

After more than a decade apart, New Kids on the Block has reunited for a new album and world tour.

The five original KNotB members appeared Friday morning on The Today Show, following earlier rumors of a reunion to celebrate the twentieth anniversary of their album Hangin’ Tough.

That sound you hear is the tremor of the twitching clitoris.

You take the high risk and I'll be in Scotland before you

It was revealed this week, young men take high risk investment decisions when they are sexually stimulated by erotic images or thoughts.

Yeah, It's called a Strip Club. That's why I never come out of there with money.

This was revealed when researchers studied human thoughts and MRI brain scan images of investors when they took high risk greedy and risky decisions.

So, what I'm to understand broker surfs porn all day then gets me to blow my money?

Now you can have your "Sex in the Shitty"

Does the sight of shoe-obsessed, cocktail-swilling, completely unbelievable New York women get you all hot and bothered? Then you'll want to get the new Sarah Jessica Parker/Carrie Bradshaw blow-up sex doll. A company called Pipedream Products has created the bizarre sex toy, which is clad in a sequined dress and holds a little martini glass in its hand.....

....that will probably rattle sadly, like a rope against a flagpole in high winds, as you mash your genitals into it while lying on the futon in your parents' finished basement.

They're only $20! What a steal!

It's funny, a few weeks back in my clairvoyant fashion I posted a blog on blowup dolls designed to apparently look like celebrities, (see the J Lo blow up doll).

As unrealistic as these inflatable 3- love-tunneled balloons may seem, SJP is none too pleased and may sue the manufacturer for ripping off her likeness pictured here.

You know what? I think she has a case.

Get your filthy hands off me you damn dirty coroner

Charlton Heston, died last Saturday night at 84, was a towering figure both in his politics and on screen, where his characters had the ear of God (Moses in “The Ten Commandments”), survived apocalyptic plagues (“The Omega Man”) and endured one of Hollywood’s most-grueling action sequences (the chariot race in “Ben-Hur,” which earned him the best-actor Academy Award).

Better known in recent years as a fierce gun-rights advocate who headed the National Rifle Association, Heston played legendary leaders and ordinary men hurled into heroic struggles.

Does this mean he'll get a 21 gun salute?

One of the biggest box-office draws of the 1950s, ‘60s and ‘70s, Heston’s work dwindled largely to small parts and narration and other voice roles from the 1980s on, including an uncredited cameo as an ape in Tim Burton’s 2001 remake of “Planet of the Apes.”

He was the consummate leading man. He was tall, he was handsome, he was sensitive, he was gruff when he had to be.

Can the Charlton Heston blow-up doll be far behind?

Shudder to think.

Cross-posted on Mitchieville

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