For all those pregnant women out there, I’d like to say, better hurry and push em out. June 6th of 06 is only a month away and you don’t want to give birth to the spawn of Satan....or do you?
Bun in the oven
Speaking of preggers, Anna Nicole Smith has joined the ranks with Brittany Speers, by falling onto someone's penis. She's obviously too stupid to do it any other way. She is now rumoured to be in a family way. If that's not bad enough a 63 year old woman in the UK is slated to give birth in the coming months as well.
All I have to say is, someone has to stop K-Fed before he procreates the world.....He must be stopped damn it!
Shaken but not stirred
There was a 2.7 magnitude earthquake in Oakville this week, located on the westside of Toronto and not too far from Mitchieville. I’ll admit as far as tremors go 2.7 is fairly low. The people in California, I can hear you yawning from here.
Surprisingly, as Canadians we also showed little fanfare over the incident. Apparently no beer bottles were broken so it’s all good.
Rabbit season...duck season...rabbit season
Ah....the spring time...love is in the air with the smell of new mown grass, the tops are down on sports cars and some women, and hunting season has begun. In Toronto this means it's open season on cab drivers as this week several assaults and stabbings took place. There was even a police officer shot and killed in Windsor by two punks who thought he was a cabbie.
Very Lucky
An accountant....ok, former accountant, in Quebec became the richest single winner in Canadian lottery history by pocketing 30 million in last week’s Super 7 draw. The record could fall this week with a new jackpot of 35 million.
But you have as much a chance of winning as you have of catching an STD from a cat, or getting struck by lightning while reciting Robbie Burns’ "Address to the Haggis" covered in the sun-baked reek of mud and alfalfa sprouts, or having me come to your house and defecate on your shoes.....actually there’s a really good chance of that last one. Just let me know where you live.
Very Unlucky or perhaps luckier
Earlier this week a piece of an airplane wing fell from the sky and demolished an SUV in a Mississauga parking lot. It happened moments after the woman driving it, parked and got out.
Maybe she should buy a ticket in the next lottery?
The chances of this happening are 10, 000,000 to 1, or almost half as good as winning the 35 million Super 7, or having me defecate on your shoes.....honestly, just tell me where you live.
Very stupid
While on vacation in Fiji, Keith Richards fell out of coconut tree and suffered a slight concussion. After his release from hospital that same day he crashed a jet-ski.
What is with kids today?....Sounds like someone’s trying to get back on the leader board in the death pool.
Just Bring it
This was the cry heard in the city of Detroit before the NHL playoffs got under way. Note: To the Red Wing fans and their team which finished first overall and won the President's Trophy for doing so...... it’s been brought.
Oh my God the president has been impeached.
Actually I was looking like a frickin genius....A genius I tell ya...when I predicted Montreal to beat Carolina and the Oilers to take the Wings to seven games before bowing out. Sadly my first round ended in a flurry of mediocrity at 4-4. So far my 2nd round guesses don’t appear any brighter.
Ottawa vs Buffalo
I was at game 5 in Buffalo vs the Flyers and was impressed by the Sabres speed. However, Ottawa is a much faster and more skilled team than plodding Philadelphia and although the series will probably go 6, I don’t see Buffalo coming out victorious.
New Jersey vs Carolina
I’m not just saying this because I’m a Habs fan but, I can’t see any team beating the eventual Stanley Cup champs. The Devils are too hot, with the most experienced playoff goalie. Cam Ward just doesn’t rate that high after serving most of the season on the bench. Devils in 5
Anaheim vs Colorado
Anaheim went seven games to defeat Calgary in the 1st round and no team since the early nineties has done that and lived to see their name on the cup. Colorado is rested and Theodore has regained his form. Avalanche in 6
Edmonton vs San Jose
Should be a great series and go the distance, but the Oilers won their cup when they ousted Detroit. I just don’t see them mustering the same intensity against Joe Thornton and company
Sharks in 7
All this means is, if you have serious green, bet on a Buffalo vs Carolina / Anaheim vs Edmonton final.
New release this week: Tool-10,000 Days
But I recommend: Let me touch him by The Ministers QuartetYup, been a while since the release of a good pedo-audio-phile type recording. In fact, not since The Catholic Five gave us "Put the condom on the Bishop."
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