The May two-four

So, it’s the unofficial start of summer and the first long weekend of mass exodus to cottage country is here. On the hyways plugged to capacity you can see everything from beer fridges and picnic tables, to big screen televisions and queen-sized mattresses, sitting in the back of trailers. All broken down at the side of the road.....And don't get me started on the boats.

With a bang

The DaVinci Code opened this week with the swirling winds of controversy, as Catholics were warned not to see the movie. The film makers applauded all the free publicity, mainly because it kept the attention off the fact the movie sucks!

With a whimper

McCartney and Mills are splitsville after 4 years of matrimonial flatulence. With Sir Paul’s worth somewhere around the billion dollar mark, it should be quite a divorce settlement. Wonder if he gets to keep the leg?

The only problem with Mexico is all the damn Mexicans

President Bush has decided to tighten security across the Mexican border in hopes to curb the porous illegal immigration from that country. With news of the deployment of National Guards to the area, many wondered if Canada would be next.

Yeah so many Canadians with bed rolls on there heads are sneaking into North Dakota from Saskatchewan.

Iraq-naphobia

As disapproval for the ongoing campaign in Iraq escalates, the presidential rating continues to fall faster than Brittany Speer’s offspring. This week it reached an historical low of 33%.

George Bush’s rating has plummeted? I’m shocked and stunned.

Most of the public believe they have never witnessed a worse leader in the White House.

I don’t know about that. Have you seen 24? President Logan is pretty inept.

Sign, sign, everywhere a sign

Ever wonder who’s the best at dishing out the autographs with a minimum of insults and punches?

Well my friends, that would be Mr. Johnny Depp. On the flip side, Cameron Diaz will not only lecture you about the evils of collecting celeb signatures, she’ll beat you about the gonads with a prickly iron bar, while her body guards catcall in unison, "Loser!"

Big Fish in a little pond?

Over the past few weeks rumors have persisted, Miami Dolphin's suspended runningback Ricky Williams, is negotiating with the Toronto Argos.

According to Sports Illustrated all that is needed to complete the deal, is the Argos to sign a form guaranteeing they will release Williams by the end of the season.

Personally I don’t know if this is going to happen or not, but they better do something fast before Ricky finds out all the really good weed is in B.C.

I thought you didn’t wear leather?

A new study shows younger women are becoming increasingly addicted to tanning beds. So much so, it now has a medical term, "Tanorexia".

And this, all in an effort to look sexy for us slubbas.....

Really Honey you didn’t have to....the breast implants, injected lips, bikini wax, sex with your sister was all I needed.

Hide the Hoffa

Law enforcement agents are searching a farm on the outskirts of Detroit this week. New intell points to this location as the burial place for legendary Teemster's boss Jimmy Hoffa.

So far the only remains found, have been have been a partially masticated squirrel, a mummified diseased woodchuck, and the bones of a hamster in a shoe box marked "Little Willie."

998....999....1000....Ready or not here we come.....

Gator bowl

Three women have been killed in Florida over the past 10 days by alligators. However local officials feel they have captured and slaughtered the beast responsible for the rampage as the remains of one of the victims was found in the stomach contents along with....well....will ya look at that.....Jimmy Hoffa.

Badges? We don’t need no stinkin’ badges

Iran has instituted a policy where people, of faiths other than Muslim, will be forced to wear colored badges to distinguish themselves from the true faith.

Not since Nazi Germany has there been such an extreme system constituted.

Jews will were red, Christians, white and Catholics, big funny hats. Gays have to wear pink......


Naw, just kidding........gays will be shot on sight.


Pick of the litter

NHL hockey playoffs round 3.

First, let's review my picks from last series. I believe I said if you have some serious cash to wager, bet on a Buffalo- Carolina/ Edmonton- Anaheim conference final.......look at me. I'm a frickin' genius!......We won't discuss the statement was made as a complete contradiction to my original picks.

This time I'm just going to flip a coin........(Flip)........Buffalo vs Edmonton in the final.

New this week: The Walkmen- A hundred miles off










....but I recommend..... Walking and Dreaming by Orleans

It's an oldie, but a goodie. What better way to kick off summer than with a bunch of naked guys, most with facial hair, who look happy as hell to be touching each other......I'm sold.