This week's a wash

First, I'd like to say,"Happy baby momma's day" to all the mothers out there. Whether you're already a mother, or aspiring to be a mother, or you just hear the word "MOTHER...!" after you cut someone off while driving, this day is for you.

I had an abundance of things to post this week....nay a plethora....however.....

You see, everyday I hear little tidbits I feel, you my reader, would enjoy reading about. So I jot those notes down on a small piece of paper.

By the weekend I’m ready to transfer those notes to the computer screen and organize into a ball making up my weekly Blog....it’s all very high tech.....well maybe not....

There are considerations that must be made.....what story to lead off with, congruent flow, comedic call backs . Contrary to popular belief, it’s not as simple as hiding your beef syringe in some chicks sausage wallet.

Unfortunately, this week I was caught in a torrential downpour on wednesday and my little "high-tech" slip of paper became saturated. The notes melted into a pool of runny black ink. Thus, anything I heard the first part of the week was lost in a puddle of literary mud.

Being the trooper I am I will try to decipher the contents of those notes and post them verbatim anyway. So here goes...

Nibbly weegly wasshga

Argububa...grumfuscatose..simleebence (ha,ha,ha), cormadendink forbagorse latwimbleweed. Furthermore, jimstankablink, purblincabee, kuzstolenfrancenwurmern. Arrrrgh! Quaf! God damnit......If you disagree just say so.....codlightard mufumagoom.

If he only had a brain

Much concern now surrounds the health of Keith Richards who is believed to have brain damage after he fell out of a coconut tree last week. Apparently the elderly rocker has been mumbling incoherently since his tumble, (see previous blog ramble above.)

I have just one question. Has no one listened to this guy speak before he damaged his melon? The only one who could understand him before was Ozzy everything else has always been lost in translation.

The Stones have postponed the next leg of their European tour until a more accurate assessment can be made....or maybe they just don’t want to tour with Guns & Roses.

GNR DOA

Axle and the boys are rumored to finally be releasing their "Chinese Democracy" album after ten years in the making. Whispers also swirl around the return of Slash and Izzy to the fold.
Guys! It's been over since "The Spaghetti Incident". Move on....live on royalties.....pleeeeease!

You can pick your nose, now you can also pick your teeth

Every wonder why the British have such rotten teeth? A survey released this week stated the Brits admitted to removing food from their teeth with sharp items such as needles, pens, knives, and screwdrivers.

Is there no such thing as dental floss in the UK?.....hmmm Phillips or Robertson?

I need some alone time with myself.

Scientists believe men have a gene dating back to our primitive ancestors making us crave alone time, either by ourselves, (basements, garages, toilets), or with other men, (strip-clubs, poker games, prison.) Funny, they didn't mention the womb. I know I spend a fair bit of my time trying to get back in there.

Painted into a corner

Several would-be vigilantes from Virginia were arrested while on a trip to New York. It seems the youthful rapscallions thought it would be funny to drop full paint cans, ( Rose Periwinkle: Benjamin Moore Classic Collection), from their hotel room window onto the roofs of police cars below.

Too bad the hotel was located directly next to a precinct.

I’ve often wondered if I would fit in, living in a place like Virginia....now I know. I’d be right at home.

New release this week: Hoobastank- Every man for himself











But I recommend: Zip Zap Rap by Devastatin Dave the Turntable Slave.....with a name like that, what more do you need?