First thing this week, a man blew himself up, in the washroom of a local Tim Horton’s. Police say it was, "a suicide attempt."
Attempt? Attempt!? The poor bugger’s dead. I think he was successful. However, I have a different take on the incident. I think the guy just had to take a serious dump and shouldn’t have followed the advice of a fellow patron who said, "Hey buddy! Light a match!"
Bladder up!
Seems scientists have grown a human organ in a lab. This is great news for those who will need transplants at some point in their life.
The new organ? No....not a lung. Nope....not a pancreas. Jesus not even the lowly spleen.
It was a bladder. A bladder I tells ya!
Granted there are some nights when I’m out on a good piss-up where an extra bladder might come in handy, but shouldn’t they be spending time on growing a human heart instead of bladder control?
What’s next? A bigger vagina?....geesh...that’s all I need.
Momma don’t let your babies grow up to be Bahamians
It appears the Bahamas have banned three time Oscar winner, "Brokeback Mountain," from being viewed in public theaters there.
That’s just so gay. What, don’t they like sheep? Do they think that seeing this film will cause a sudden increase in homosexuality?
Perhaps we should respect their decision? After all, the Bahamas already have two of the three main ingredients for copulation between men....sun and sand......Oh the third? Another man’s cock up your ass.
Needs more cowbell
For those of you who haven’t seen the famous SNL skit, check it out. However, I’m not sure the music world is ready for, "Maximum Cowbell"?
It's a new compilation of all your cowbell driven classics. "Don’t Fear the Reaper," "Mississippi Queen," "Low Rider," to name a few, all appear on the disc. I heard the Bahamas have already banned this one....so watch out.
Keeping it on the down-load
The gracious movie industry is now offering, "legal" internet downloads of newly released DVDs. But, you will only be able to watch the film on your computer. Burning is a big no-no.
The price? Somewhere between $20-$30. Hmmmmm.....let’s see.....
$30 download.....
free download....
$30 download....
free download.....man that’s a tough decision!
Ab duel?
On the serious side of things, Paula Abdul claims she was assaulted by a man, yet to be named, who argued with her, grabbed her by the arm, and slammed her against the wall, causing a concussion and spinal injuries....my money’s on Simon Cowell, but it could be anyone.
I mean who doesn’t want to smack her upside the head right now?...serious my ass.
Let’s try that again
On the serious side of things, a Toronto couple were found guilty of second-degree murder Friday in the death of their five-year-old grandson, who basically starved to death in 2002 after being abused for much of his life.
What an incredibly heinous crime. The neglect and death of a child is no laughing matter.....unless....and I realize I may get a few comments about this....unless it involves a monkey, a roast beef sandwich and jumper cables.
It’s not just about getting your meat smoked anymore.
Montreal has a new slogan. "Come to Montreal," they say. "Where the more you kiss, the Frencher you get."
They’re trying to tell you Montreal is a French culture. Christ! More people speak English, and only English, in Montreal than the entire GTA. If you want to hear French, go to Paris. If you want to hear Mandarin, go to Vancouver......yeah I’ve got a slogan for ya.... "Come to Montreal, It’s just like New York except with more strippers."
Thar she blows
Hurricane season is upon us once again.....well not me....you poor sods who live in coastal, hurricane ravaged areas. They say to expect at least nine storms this year, five of them severe.
If I were you, I’d start looking for another place to live right now......Hey...."Come to Montreal..."
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