The McCartney/Mills split is getting uglier. McCartney already stands to lose millions of pounds, (British curency), in the settlement. Now, Heather Mills has announced after the alleged beatings she took at the hands of Sir Paul, she would like to become a spokesperson for violence against women.
Subsequently, McCartney has also announced he would like to get involved with the Society for Emasculated Men Bilked out of Wealth by One-Legged Gold Diggers, or SEMBWOLGD for short.
Coming to a Holmes near you
Tom Cruise has stated he’s getting married to Katie Holmes November 18th in Italy.
Except for the people of Woodbridge, may I suggest you get the plastic covers back on your couches immediately.
More baby momma drama
Authorities are investigating whether Anna Nicole Smith legally obtained permanent residency in the Bahamas and.....
Madonna says she is "disappointed" by media coverage of her bid to adopt a Malawian baby, saying it will discourage others from doing the same.
Yawn. Ok, let's move on to the boobs.
Breast wishes 
From Loretta Nall, a Libertarian candidate running for the Governor in Alabama, with a classic T-shirt depicting her well endowed attributes with the caption of, "more of these boobs" and pictures of her opponents underneath reading, "and less of these boobs."
She's got my support. Vote Nall Y'all!
Big losers
As if losing on the boob tube wasn’t enough, soon you’ll be able to watch the Toronto Maple Leafs lose in HD on a fifty-foot screen at your local theater....oh, and be prepared to fork over $10 to $12 to see it.
Mammaries of the way we were
Really, I’m not making this up.
Weighting to find an answer
Unable to put on weight and losing T&A quicker than a gay man in a french brothel, Nicole Richie has decided to undergo diagnostic treatment to determine why she's not putting on the pounds.
Maybe she should give Heather Mills a call? After her divorce is finalized, Mills will have plenty of pounds to spare.....that's a call-back to the British money thing.....you see?.....Oh, never mind.
Spokeswoman Nicole Perna in a statement yesterday added that the daughter of singer Lionel Richie was "working with a team of doctors and specialists whose focus is nutrition".
Perhaps if Nicole didn’t throw up after she ate there'd be no need?
The star's publicist also stressed that her client was not being treated for an eating disorder.
Did I mention, perhaps if Nicole didn't throw up after she ate there'd be no need?
Combat concubines
A Dutch mayor has raised eyebrows by backing the idea of sending prostitutes to accompany Dutch troops on foreign missions.
"The army must consider ways its soldiers can let off steam," Annemarie Jorritsma, mayor of the town of Almere in central Netherlands and a close friend to the Mayor of Mitchieville, told Dutch television.
"There was once the suggestion that a few prostitutes should accompany troops on missions. I think that is something we should talk about," she said, adding that the prostitutes would keep soldiers from turning to local women.
Why not take it a step further and send the working girls to the enemy. Then attack when they're all busy searching for 80 gilder? (Gilder is like pounds to the Dutch.......ah, just forget it.)
Clap for the elderly
Doctors said sexually transmitted diseases among senior citizens are running rampant at a popular Central Florida retirement community, according to a Local 6 News report.
A gynecologist at a community near Orlando, Fla., said she treats more cases of herpes and the human papilloma virus in the retirement community than she did in the city of Miami.
And you didn't want to kiss your Grandmother before all this.
Damn you Viagra! 
New release this week: Deftones- Saturday Night Wrist
But I recommend: The Electric Amish- A Hard Day's Work
What? Still too soon?
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