Strangedaze: 9/11's in the house

On a week where we remember 9/11 five years later, I’m sure you don’t need to hear anymore about it. So, I'm going to talk about a lot of other shit.

Do wah Diddy, Diddy don’t and Diddy do

There I was just a walking down the street I heard, "hey there Diddy change your name in the U.K."

Use Combs, or use P, you can even use Fuckin’ D....

Nope...I thought I'd sing all the posts this week, but fuck it. Go here if you want the Diddy poop.

Ugh! That sounds disgusting!

Toronto....the new Vegas?

....for gays who want to get married anyway. Gay couples are flocking to the Big Smoke in record numbers just to get hitched.

Although, makes me wonder how much they're playing the slots afterward.

Tossing a wrench into the universe

Steve McLean became only the second Canadian to walk in space. McLean is part of the shuttle mission now in orbit. But while helping to assemble the proposed space station, McLean had a few bolts float away on him and ended up breaking a wrench in the process.

All I want to know is, why do Canadians seem to have trouble keeping track of their nuts?

Da-refund

Kendall County furniture store owner and ''huge Bears fan'' Randy Gonigam got tired of players bragging about their defense, so he decided to put his money where their mouths are. Over Labor Day weekend, Gonigam's World Furniture Mall in Plano offered customers free furniture — up to $10,000 — if the Bears shut out the Green Bay Packers in their season opener.

Four quarters, 206 customers and about $300,000 later, Gonigam is still a little shell-shocked.

The Bears blanked the Packers 26-0 Sunday, ending Green Bay's 233-game scoring streak and giving Brett Favre the first shutout of his 16-year NFL career.

My advice next promotion go with a safer bet. The Black Hawks will defeat the Maple Leafs in the Stanley Cup final.

65.7 million dollar man

Speaking of hockey. What the hell were the Islanders thinking, when they offered goaltender Rick DiPietro 65.7 million over 15 years?

In fifteen years most people will own 2.3 cars,marry 2.8 times, and change jobs 3.7 times.

Not Rick. He’ll have the same job for fifteen years, as many cars as he wants, and if some bitch takes half his money, he’ll still have enough for all the trim his goalie stick ever needs.

Pot luck

A man was walking his dog in Scarborough.....

No he wasn’t shot....

No he wasn’t accosted by hookers....

No neither was the dog.....

Would you let me tell the story for Christ sake!

He stumbled across fields of pot being grown in a wooded area.

The weed was close to reaching harvest potential and had a street value of 6 million....which is almost 11 DiPietros......

Fuck! Now what am I going to smoke.

You know what? All this shit is just not controversial enough. It’s 9/11 week God damn it!
I have to get with the program.

Bigger than Jesus- That's more like it

When voters in Gerard Kennedy's old Parkdale-High Park riding headed to the polls this Thursday, they were forced to think about more than just taxes, garbage, transit, crime and the usual local issues.

It all stems from a sermon delivered last year by N.D.P. candidate Cheri DiNovo. In her speech, the United Church minister apparently compared the media's treatment of Homolka to the persecution of Jesus Christ.

Homolka = Jesus? What a load of shit. What was she thinking making a statement like that? It should be Homolka is God....

I think I’m turning into the Dunken Stepfather.

People will be buying my books soon just to burn them. Let the royalties roll in.

Dawson's freak

The shooting rampage at Dawson’s College in Montreal has been dominating the headlines since it happened with the dissection of how and why.

How the killer was in to Vampirism and heavy metal, listening to Cannibal Corpse and Slayer! etal.

How he hated the Government and Authority.

Who dosen’t?

How he hated bible thumping know-it-alls and God.

He must of really hated Karla Homolka then?

How his favorite video game was "Super Columbine Massacre."

What was wrong with the "Regular Columbine Massacre" game? I can’t even get past level one.

Once again, my books are available for purchase to be burned.

OK, I'll admit the subject matter is getting a little too heavy......something lighter perhaps?

So long Hap-penis

A woman in Montreal is in court this week....

Montreal hmm. do we see a pattern being established here?......

Apparently , distraught over a break-up, she set her former lover’s genitals on fire with fondue oil and caused third degree burns to his weenie.....

I guess when I said "something lighter", I should have specified "cigarette lighter".

Fondue oil? Aren’t you suppose to dip cheese in that? Oh wait a minute. Dick....cheese. I get it now......Next!

Pedal pusher

Car manufacturers are developing a smart pedal that reads GPS and will automatically slow to listed speed limits once you enter those areas.

Great so bad drivers can now die at a slower pace.

However, there is an override button.

Then what’s the point? That’s like sticking a pack of cigarettes in front of someone being forced to quit, but leaving him a match just in case.

Besides, everyone knows: cars don’t kill people, gun toting Vampire Freaks do.