Sunday, July 22, 2007

Let's hear it for the big loser

The Philadelphia Phillies, who this week became the first professional sports team to lose 10,000 games. Futility has followed them since the day they were born, and Sunday night was no different for the losingest team in sports history. Loss No. 10,000 came when Albert Pujols hit two of the St. Louis Cardinals’ six homers in a 10-2 rout.

Just to put things in perspective: I'd have to be rejected by women I hit on in bars for the next six weeks to even have a chance of surpassing that number.

Let's hear it for the big loser: Part deux

As Michael Vick's career goes to the dogs.

The federal indictment of the star Atlanta Falcons quarterback and Nike endorser, in one fell swoosh has dragged dogfighting into the national spotlight.

Pick a subjective word for this blood sport. Vicious. Gruesome. Inhumane. Side-splittingly hilarious. Some sick souls would say it's honorable.

Whatever you choose, know this: Dogfighting is illegal in all 50 states. It's a federal crime. And it's happening in the San Joaquin Valley, where another barbaric excuse to gamble -- cockfighting -- is big business.

Perhaps Vick should have whipped out his penis and gone the cockfighting route?

Women are getting bullish

Women in the northern Spanish city of Pamplona, world-famous for its ferocious bull-running festival, are demanding their own version complete with cows instead of bulls.

Does that mean the women who run will all be plus-sized?

Women have been allowed to take part in the San Fermin bull-running for some years but they still represent a tiny minority of the thousands of runners who attempt to dodge 600-kilo bulls along an 800-metre course through the streets of Pamplona.

I say let em run with the bulls. They won't get hurt. Why I gored GIGC repeated just the other day and other than her repeated screams of pleasure, she seemed relatively unscathed.

Look out Barbie

Twelve inches high, these soft plush toys come in three beloved Bible characters ?
Moses, Esther and, of course, Jesus complete with biblical messages.

Like what? "Please don't crucify me." and "Thou shall not worship other plush dolls."

The doll's voice is activated when the child hugs its red heart. The simple but profound messages the dolls speak are at the heart of what these lovable teaching tools are all about. Here's a sample of those messages:-- I love you and I have an exciting plan for your life. (Jesus: Jeremiah 29:11)--

Say Jesus, did that plan including living paycheck to paycheck, with the government busting my balls for money I owe them, 7 STD's, a rare form of prostate cancer and a a pear tree?

Sorry, I couldn't find out if the dolls were anatomically correct or not. "Moses' rope belt is hanging out of his robe. hey! That's not his rope!"

Wanna whole lotta puke

The world's first rock 'n' roll theme park, Hard Rock Park introduces Led Zeppelin - The Ride. This rock 'n' roll themed roller coaster will stand over 150-feet tall and feature a high fidelity onboard audio system that plays Led Zeppelin's hit single "Whole Lotta Love" while passengers are sent through a series of six inversions. Led Zeppelin - The Ride is a mix of classic rock 'n' roll and amusement ride thrills. Keeping with the theme, the loading station will be designed to look like a giant zeppelin.

Way down in need a barf bag.

The search for the perfect opening act continues

Private Sector is still searching for interesting acts to open their fall tour. The newest acts to throw their hat into the ring for your consideration.

Sasha and Sanchez: Magic act extraordinaire- Show stopper is when Sasha pulls 22 pairs of underwear from Sanchez's pants.


Chess Piece Face: An obscure They Might Be Giants cover band. Unlike the TMBG duo, CPF has only one member.

If you'd like to see Sasha and Sanchez or Chess Piece Face, send your choice with 2 Count Chocula box tops
to: Mitchieville, Ont. ONO FU2 c/o The Mayor's office.

Cross posted at Mitchieville

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