Monday, January 18, 2010

Manly Monday

Today we explore why Germany is manly.

Fucked in two World Wars. Fucked in the Cold War. Have to cope with the French as a neighbor – and still the third largest economy in the world. Germany is Fucking Manly.

Germany is known for some of the manliest shit ever:
1. Oktoberfest: getting fucked out of your mind every day, and then fucking bitches every night. For an entire month. Makes Asher Roth’s little routine look like a bunch of ten year olds getting high on lemonade.
2. Germany is specifically known for having a country full of machines. It is common knowledge that the men in Germany cannot feel any emotion, and that anyone caught laughing is terminated.
3. Back in the day, when Germany was known as Prussia; it was said that ‘Prussia is not a country with an army, but an army with a country.’ Shit.

Ok, time for a history lesson for you stupid inbreds out there. In 1914, Germany started World War 1, one of the most devastating and horrendous wars that history had ever seen. They started raping everyone’s bitch asses, until it became a handicap-tornado-tag match. The combined might of Britain, France, USA and Russia firmly assfucked Germany. Without lube. Germany eventually gave in on November 11 1918. With 1,718,000 casualties. As if they hadn’t been fucked enough, they also got bitchslapped with the Treaty of Versailles – this meant that they had to hand over all of the finest German hoes, some land, 132,000,000,000 Reichsmarks in reparations and get rid of their army. Well Germany played along at first, and got doggy-styled by the Great Depression of 1928. Eventually, Adolf Hitler came to power in ’33, and he was just like, fuck that shit.

(on a side-note, I must confess that being controlled by Hitler was not very fuckin’ manly. In fact, the Germans shoulda raped his silly ass.)

In the end, they started ANOTHER FUCKIN’ WORLD WAR, and started raping Europe with their Giant German Dicks in 1939. Even though they had their army removed, they had built it up in secret. Using some Blitzkrieg tactics, the Germans lawnmowed through France, and the French being pussies- shat themselves. The takeover of Poland and France took just six weeks. I repeat: it took just 42 days for the Germans to have dominated most of Europe. The French had been bummed so hard, they were just like ‘Sacre Bleue, Monseiur Germany can I suck your dick?’ And the Germans were just like fuck yeah.

Germany was allied with Italy, who was a basically a heavy-flow tampon. Not only did the Germans have to defend ‘Fortress Europe’, they also had to trek around the world to help the Italians with some shitty skirmishes. It all went downhill, when the Germans did the cardinal mistake of trying to take over the Russians. Have they not heard of the Russian fucking Winter? Not only this, but the US had decided to gatecrash this party, and was just like sup bitches. Even though the Germans got their asses handed to them at Stalingrad, and were getting penetrated from both sides, they still managed to hold out another year.

After the war ended, Germany got treated like a gimp and split into two – East and West Germany – and the Berlin Wall was created. Although East Germany got absolutely jizzed on by the Communists, and their economy plundered; they were eventually reunited with the rest of Germany in August 23, 1989. Even after having being used as a tool for so long, they managed to get their act together. In just 15 years, they became the third largest economy in the world, the biggest pimp in the EU and a huge force in world politics. Now that is fucking manly.

Note: We do not condone the actions of Adolf Hitler.

This post lovingly ripped-off from

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