It's all about milk, chips & cookies

With Christmas just a mere 2,160,000 seconds away, there seems to be controversy swirling around the use of unpasteurized, or raw milk. And you should really know the poop before you leave out a glass or two for Ol’ St. Nick.

On one hand, health officials warn of E-coli, and a visit from your favorite relatives Sam and Ella if you pull up a bar stool and get it on tap directly from the cow.

On the other side, farmers complain of loss of taste and nutrients once the pasteurizing process is complete.

Personally, I don’t give a rat’s ass. I don’t drink milk.

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Tis the season for Debit Card theft. So much so, the banks are getting all Scrooge McDuck on counterfeiter’s by introducing a new electronic chip to cards for 2007. The Debit cards will be much harder to forge and save the industry/ consumers billions in stolen revenue.

Personally, I don’t give a rat’s ass. I seldom use my debit card.

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It appears some female celebrities alla Brittany, Paris, Lindsay, are in the Christmas spirit. They’ve taken the giving mood one step further with the paparazzi and the adoring public, by wearing short skirts minus the underwear, so all may catch a glimpse of a catcher’s mitt Johnny Bench would be proud of.

Do you know what I’m saying? A little whiff of Tuna Town, the winking pink, some clitoral bubble-gum.

Health officials warn this practice is not only uncouth, but dangerous— not as dangerous as unpasteurized milk mind you, but this is the notorious trio we’re talking about who have ground more sausage than Schneider’s.

Certainly someone like Jennifer Aniston would be ok. Her quiff would conjure up images of kittens and fresh baked cinnamon rolls.

Personally, I don’t give a rat’s ass. I haven’t munched on a decent cookie in some time. But that’s not really my call is it?

Somedays I have nothing better to do

Pam Anderson Roast

Since Pamela's available again and Kid Rock is once again no more, you'll need to know a few things about her if you're serious. Nick Di Paolo is just the guy with the info. My favorite line was "If she had dysentery I'd follow her around with a waffle cone."

Monday morning "Ha"

Today I thought I'd start your week off with a joke, which is not so much a selfless act as it is, I'm just a lazy SOB. It's easier to cut and paste than actually turn on my brain switch.

Man driving down road .
Woman driving up same road .
They pass each other
The woman yells out the window, PIG!
Man yells out window, B I T C H!
Man rounds next curve.
Crashes into a HUGE PIG in middle of road, and dies.
Thought For The Day: If only men would listen...

I would also like to add, if only women would give men more sex, they wouldn't have to go out driving and looking for huge pigs.

New release this week

Incubus- Light Grenades

But I recommend: Mrs. Mills- Knees-up Party

I'll bet you'll have more than a few questions for your grandparents after listening.

I'm headed for the links

I know the last thing you want to do at the end of the week is to link, read and think. But it can be fun, especially if once you link, the reading makes you think, and the thinking makes you read, which in turn makes you link......Am I even making any sense?

That’s it. I’m grabbing the clubs and heading for the links. But, before I go I suggest you head for the links as well. Check out the London Fog to read and think.

A Strange wave

Just a little "Heya" from the old bunker-hacienda-sometimes spa at Strangedaze. I love living here. It's close to the Beer Store, the lake, the Laker Beer. It just doesn't get any better.


See. That’s me there now, taking out the garbage and watching the hot chick from down the street walk by. Look, I'm waving.......Well...look closer.....Still don't see it?


Maybe I should have inserted one of those "you are here" arrows?

Ripper a new one

Jack The Ripper: The First Serial Killer, which aired last night, showed how the composite of the prostitute killer was created by a Metropolitan Police analyst using 118-year-old witness statements.

Wow! Where did they find people so old?









Pictured above, the notorious Victorian serial killer Jack the Ripper was a stocky 30 year old with a moustache, receding hairline and bushy eyebrows, according to a composite drawing created for a British documentary.


Or in other words. Jack the Ripper was really Freddie Mercury.


"It's a popular misconception that nobody ever saw the murderer, that he just vanished into the fog of London," former Metropolitan Police commander John Grieve said in a statement.

No doubt after an encore of Bohemian Rhapsody and We Will Rock You.....sing it! We will, we will rock you......(sorry, got carried away there).

"Well that's just not right. There were witnesses at the time who were highly thought of by the police."

I bet I would have made a reliable witness, because strangly enough, OBJ looks very much like the composite sketch of the killer. Although his M.O. only fits if you think of the Ripper as synonyous with flatulence.

One Ball Joe the Ripper

Kramer

It's like driving by an accident. You just have to look.

I stand corrected

Ok, last October when the news came down that Daniel Craig would be the new Bond, I was less than kind in my post Blonde Bondshell. In fact, I might have said, Craig would not only be the worst Bond ever, but you couldn't make soup from his testicles.....or did I only think it?

I had only seen Daniel Craig play villains in other movies like Road to Perdition, and could not perceive he would make a good 007. My mistake.

Although Casino Royale was kicked from obtaining first place by Happy Feet--- yet another penguin movie--- it still finished in the 40 mil range at the box office and everyone, including myself, have been jumping on the, much crowded, Bond-wagon.

I guess I'm just used to my Bonds having a slurred Scottish accent, and beating women up in their private life.

Once again, I was wrong.

New release this week

Snoop Dogg- Tha Blue Carpet Treatment.

But I recommend- El Dipsy Doodle

There's a reason why they put a fence up at the Mexican border ya know.

I'd rather link sausage

....But I'll go you one better and link The Drunken Stepfather. This is a site the Mayor turned me onto when he had me over for tea and scones sometime ago. You should check it out. He links way more sausage than I do. And you might find after visiting, you'll link sausage more often too.

Ok if you haven't registered the sausage metaphor by now, there's no hope for you.

Did you do your homework?

Do you know what this is? Well, do ya? Did you even read yesterday's post?

This is an aerial view of a portion of the Texas/ Mexican border brought to you by Google Earth.

Can you see anyone running?

Neither did I, but I think I saw a few cacti move.

Run for the border

Ok...well at least watch.

Now you can keep vigil for the United States Government by signing up here and viewing hours upon hours of desert, fence, and cacti....oh and perhaps the odd Sanchez making a run for the land of opportunity to pick lettuce for $1.50 an hour. It's all accessible on line.

I don’t know if I’d sit and watch something like this as if it were a Hollywood blockbuster or the camera in the apartment lobby. I imagine there are some out there who would. Patriotic Americans sharpening their knives and loading their automatics as I speak.

Perhaps if the U.S. of A. Is serious about this and want everyone watching in prime-time, then they should offer an incentive program. I don’t know.......maybe for every immigrant you catch you get air-miles, or a dollar off tainted Hershey chocolate/ spinach/......insert favorite E-coli digestible product here______.

Hey, I'm just trying to think outside the bun.

YouTube Tuesdays

As mentioned, I’d like to start posting a few regular features the avid reader of Blogs can count on. And when I make a promise, I keep it...at least until I’m sick of making promises I can’t keep.

With winter coming, I thought this next post might be appropriate to warn you of the danger, soon to be lurking around every corner, when the mercury has dropped, the wind begins to howl, and the pedophile has begun his long hibernation.

Enjoy.....or don’t.

SNOWMEN HUNTERS Ep 01: Sherman's Madness

Digitally trimming the fat

So I’m back, and yes, I had a wonderful mini vacation. It was more fun than getting a new job and a phone number no one knows. However, the first thing I see when I return and sit down at the computer console is a story for a new digital camera. It films you as you are, but then subtracts weight so you look nice and trim to others.

Kind of like setting phasers to stunning.

Just think of the possibilities. You can now get rid of those grad photos of yourself on the dating websites and replace them with the new updated slim, fit, irresistible you.

Yes! Let’s all unleash our inner Nicole Richie and worry about plopping our true Orca selves down in front of that someone special later. We’ll cross that bridge when we come to it.


Tomorrow: digital cameras that make your baby’s head look bigger.

Weeds Masturbation Etiquette

In keeping with yesterday's theme.

Woman of the Glamazon

One thing I have endeavored to do, now I have more time at my disposal, is to get out amongst my own kind and read the odd Blog or two.

I also feel you should know about some of the more worthy Blogs as well. Thrust them into the cold hard spotlight, as it were, naked to the world.

For this reason you should check out Linds.

You know the statement "cuter than a bugs ear"? That’s for Linds and I know many a man and a few women too, who would crawl across a room of razors just to drink a pound of her piss.

So check her out.

Trigger (un)happy

Ok, now I’m pissed off!

As some of you may be aware, I write a little on the side. Every now and then, I’ll slip in a link to one of my completed novels. Link to one of my completed novels.

My newest, is a work in progress that has held my attention, on and off, for the past four years. But now, as I gather a little steam and begin to roll the bolder ever upward toward the precipice, I find others also lay claim to it.

After Googling my proposed title, "Johnny Trigger", I found he is the name of a central character in a movie slated for release in 2007 called Wages of Sin. A movie where everyone kicks ass "Jet Lee" style. Apparently, he’s also a software game and an actor from the late sixties too. So what am I to do?

After scrapping all my previous titles "Johnny on the spot", "Johnny cum lately", "Here’s Johnny not so much", "Johnny Johnny where’s my Johnny", I finally settled on "Johnny Trigger" and I'm totally spent on ideas. You can see why I'm upset.

This also happened after the completion of my first novel, "Centre of the Universe", when a TV show pilot of the same name was introduced. But because it starred John Goodman I was never worried.

I can only hope they cast John Goodman as Johnny Trigger.
However, I don't feel I'll be as fortunate this time.

It's not like I expected that Geller Prize thingy for writting but since my literary hopes have been ground into a fine pulp for the moment, you can leave an appropriate alternate title in the comment section if you wish. Perhaps lay claim to a book that will probably never be published anyway. After all, the last time I looked, I wasn’t Dan Brown, or Stephen King, or Stephen Brown for that matter. So long Johnny.